dirtychicken Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 I just wanted to tell you briefly about what is going on with me because I know that some of you have been kind enough to send PMs or have asked after me in RMF. I am trying to be here every day even if it's just for a very short time and so have kept up - mostly - with your news. I have been struggling to post - you'll see why later - but I have been thinknig of those of you that have needed thoughts I'm going to the doc's on Friday for an official diagnosis, but I'm struggling with depression at the moment. Bear's loss seems to have triggered it but it has probably come about because of a disastrous 12 months. My emotional control is totally fecked and that's been my main reason for not really *being* here because I am having totally irrational responses to some posts but then am totally numb to others This is making much fun and games in "real life" as well as here. The other problem that I'm having - and which is getting worse - is that I am having shocking memory loss issues where things are literally going in and straight back out again. I am speaking words and then have completely forgotten what I've said My biggest problem is that I keep using completely wrong words in conversation so have found myself unable to use the telephone and replacing much of my in person conversations with hand signals This has spread to the written word and so writing texts, emails, posts, whatever is taking me an inordinate amount of time as I have to read and read and read what I've said to check for mistakes. Unfortunately, my brain is missing the trigger that tells you that you've made a mistake and so I am totally unaware when I've said the wrong thing. This is causing me to withdraw further and further as I am just too embarrassed to interact with anyone and I have already had several friends drop virtually all contact because I can't explain what's happening As you can imagine, that's just a fantastic addition to deal with Obviously, there is a whole lot more to this than I have sad but I just wanted you to know what is going on. I'm trying to stay here but it is getting harder and harder by the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClazUK Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Sarah Wishing you strength and health Come here when you are willing Come here when you need to Come here when you want to Never feel obliged. I think a lot of us have used the Refuge to help in tough times, but also a lot of us have needed time out. I know, in the past, I have felt obliged to 'keep up' - it's impossible even if you are in great health and have 24 hours a day to do it in. So don't think it's expected, just remember we're here when you are ready Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyMalc Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 (edited) :GroupHug: All I can say is, you're amongst friends here, don't ever be embarrassed about posting or getting in touch with people you'd like to get in touch with. I think you're brave for posting how you are feeling, and considering what you have been through it's not at all a surprise that it's now hitting you really hard. I hope that the doc will be able to help you overcome this, but please please please be kind to yourself and take time out for YOU. Being hard on yourself and forcing to "be strong" and carry on regardless is the worst you can do. Take it from someone who's been there and is still a regular visitor. And if there is anything that anyone can do please shout, okay? Edited June 18, 2008 by BillyMalc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkle Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 :GroupHug: loves you :GroupHug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yena Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Sending you loads and loads of 's 's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReikiAnge Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simikins Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Sarah, could stress be the cause of your memory loss? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mooandboo Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 :GroupHug: The symptoms you describe relating to emotional response and memory are almost identical to some of the symptoms I've had in the past when trying to cope with devastating emotional trauma which led to depression. Thankfully they all went when I recovered so please hang in there :GroupHug: Good luck on Friday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yantan Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Take care of yourself matey Marion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zico's mum Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Sarah please print out what you have just written and take it to your GP to show her/him just how much this is affecting you - and please stress the loss of memory and confusing your words as well - without mentioning depression,this needs to be checked out.Take care of yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JACKYSIAN Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 We'll always be here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil_angel Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazydaisy Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Can you take someone you trust to the doctors so they can remind you of all the symptoms and also remember all the info from the doctor? I think you are brave to aticulate how you feel. You have had an awful year and it seems as if your body is insisting on a "holiday" Take care of yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
safneo Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Sarah, could stress be the cause of your memory loss? I suffered similar problems with memory loss when I was severely exhausted, physically and emtionally. I still do have to try and find words sometimes. Not long ago I couldnt think if the word for an invoice. I work with them all day long and have done for many years. It was very worrying at the time as I really thought I was cracking up or had something wrong with me. Sarah, Please take all the time you need and get all the help and support possible. We are all here if you need to rant or cry. As for trying to keep up here, forget it. It will just add to your stress. Post when you can Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billydog Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 The symptoms you describe relating to emotional response and memory are almost identical to some of the symptoms I've had in the past when trying to cope with devastating emotional trauma which led to depression. Thankfully they all went when I recovered so please hang in there Good luck on Friday Snap. I'm glad you've recognised you could well be depressed - I didn't for ages and it just kept getting worse . I know the docs will be able to help you. Please take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts