border collie Posted August 23, 2006 Report Share Posted August 23, 2006 I don't know what to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracey.s Posted August 23, 2006 Report Share Posted August 23, 2006 (edited) For me it was a programme on domestic violence on the jerry springer show The bit at the end when he talks into the camera. as embarassing as it is it felt like he was talking to me. I went into the bathroom, had a bath and cleaned myself up and went to bed. I didn't sleep a wink and i was waiting all night for him to start again. When the kids finally got up i sorted them out with breakfast, put them a video on in the front room and waited for him to go to the shop. I always got flowers after the 'intimate abuse' While he was out at the shop i put all his stuff in binbags and they were waiting for him at the door. I honestly was bricking it. I thought he was going to beat the daylights out of me. He was so shocked he didn't know what to do. Luckily his dad turned up. His dad still lives in denial to this day. Getting him out was the easy part. It was all the harrasment i got afterwards. He would collect the girls and then ring me to say i was never going to see them again and he wasn't bringing them back. All the crap i got off his sister. but, that was always in a nice condescending way. He then started on the girls. That was the final straw for me. I told him if he wanted to see the girls he had to get a court order. The court order would make him come when he said he was going to and not leave me with the kids wondering where their dad was. It would also take away his control of the situation. He chose not to bother. He hasn't seen the kids for 4 years. He doesn't send them birthday cards or christmas presents. People know i was in a violent marriage but they don't know the extent of it. They don't know one of my girls is a result of his abuse. He beat me and shoved me down the stairs when i was 31 weeks pregnant and my waters broke. Me and the baby nearly died. She was a chord prolapse and i had a placental abruption. That ended in an emergency caesarean. I'm convinced it was her traumatic birth and prematureness that has led to her special needs. I'll never forive him for that. To this day i am still frightened of him. I still have nightmares and panic attacks. I still have a problem meeting new people. But, i'm alive, and i have my girls who are all healthy and don't remember a great deal of what happenned. And more importantly i have a husband that loves me for me. His patience and love are what has got me as far as i have come, and i have come a long way. I'll never truly get over what hapened to me. I have too many physical scars that remind me what he did. the mental ones are the worst. BUT, I'M STILL ALIVE. Edited August 23, 2006 by tracey.s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merledogs Posted August 23, 2006 Report Share Posted August 23, 2006 Tracey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClazUK Posted August 23, 2006 Report Share Posted August 23, 2006 Puts my amicable(ish) divorce into perspective Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanrossscot Posted August 23, 2006 Report Share Posted August 23, 2006 Although it is not nearly enough to each and every one of you that have had the strength and courage to get out, rebuild and have the strength not only to survive but be willing to post on a forum in the hope that it helps another. I am lucky in that I have never had to face anything like what you guys I have, but I hope that if I did I would have an ounce of the strength and bravery that you all have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyM Posted August 23, 2006 Report Share Posted August 23, 2006 I am wondering in view of the number of women on this board who have experienced abusive relationships, whether we are particularly vulnerable because we have sympathy for the underdog, human as well as animal, and it gets played on by insecure men who are attracted to that quality in the first place? I have to say that is exactly what got me into that mess. Before Baz, nearly every relationship I had was based on that. Several of my short term and one long term relationship were purely started because I felt too bad about saying "No" when they asked me out, then mistook pity for love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redditchlady Posted August 23, 2006 Report Share Posted August 23, 2006 I have sat and read the posts that came on after I went out with tears pouring down my face. Like a previous poster said (can't remember, sorry) you are all an inspiration to anyone going through this type of thing. Huge to you all. Kazz xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted August 23, 2006 Report Share Posted August 23, 2006 I also believe that being mentally ill does not necessarily absolve us of responsibility for our actions. We are none of us completely normal - that is why society has rules and penalties for breaking them. The question is, can we control our urges or not. If not then we need to be locked up for the safety of others - that is society will control our urges for us. If yes, then there are no excuses, and society (police, social workers etc etc) should not tolerate this kind of behaviour. It doesn't absolve us, but there are people who should have been sectioned but weren't because it was "only domestic". The relative I spoke of went on his merry way unchallenged even though I reported him to the police for prowling around the street at night with a machete looking for "aliens". He was finally sectioned when an off-duty policeman who lived next door got bit worried and decided to make a social call to check on things. He found uncle with axe, hacking through a bedroom door to get at aunt and mother who were hiding there. Uncle was sectioned and then sent back home after a month because there was no room for him. I know psychiatrists have a limited armoury but they can get people sectioned if they can't control their behaviour and are a danger to others. But due to limited space, they do everything to keep people in the community and the innocent suffer . I would like to salute those survivors who have been through so much. I've had nothing worse than a beating up or two, bites, black eye and slapped face (in public) a few times plus a lot of verbal abuse, and feel I have got off very lightly compared to the rest of you. And abuse from parents is the worst I don't know how the parents concerned could live with themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kats inc Posted August 23, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2006 She let my dog drown. He killed our pets too - firstly mice and rats then cats and dogs The day he threw Tills against the wall I knew it was the day he had to go no matter what it took.If I had allowed that to beat me he would have used the animals every time.I know to this day that when he hit me so hard that I fell over,if I hadn't fallen by the phone and had time to dial 999 quickly I'd be dead,of that I have no doubt. But to have this done by a parent,well words fail me.I reported a case today where someone witnessed a mother punch her 12 year old in the face and then throw her out of the house at 12.30am.Reading through your stories makes me determined to see that child is safe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katie deans Posted August 23, 2006 Report Share Posted August 23, 2006 (edited) The day he threw Tills against the wall I knew it was the day he had to go no matter what it took.If I had allowed that to beat me he would have used the animals every time.I know to this day that when he hit me so hard that I fell over,if I hadn't fallen by the phone and had time to dial 999 quickly I'd be dead,of that I have no doubt. But to have this done by a parent,well words fail me.I reported a case today where someone witnessed a mother punch her 12 year old in the face and then throw her out of the house at 12.30am.Reading through your stories makes me determined to see that child is safe Even though there is no excuse for what we go through as adults THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION WHATSOEVER FOR ANYONE TO DO THESE EVIL THINGS TO CHILDREN! I dont claim to be earth mother by any means but I love my kids more than anything and would do everything in my power to protect them and I just cant get my head round how people can be so cruel Its good to know that there are people like you who are in a position to try to change things Edited August 23, 2006 by katie deans Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natpants Posted August 28, 2006 Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 I've copied the info on the first page for someone I've been talking to from another forum, I'm hoping it's helped, thanks again Jules! She's got rescue dogs too (who are GORGEOUS) so I've given her the Refuge address so she hopefully she will join! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClazUK Posted December 28, 2006 Report Share Posted December 28, 2006 Bumping this up for the Thread of the Year topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EGAR Posted December 29, 2006 Report Share Posted December 29, 2006 Reading back on this now and having had a conversation with a friend earlier today I realised that I never wanted children because I was worried I would turn out like my mother. That the abused would become the abuser. I waited until I was nearly 40 years old to have a child as I never felt *settled* enough. Truth is, when I found out I was pregnant, I cried my eyes out and not for joy but out of fear. My son turned 2 last August and I dare anyone to lay a hand on him. I would kill that person. I have never had the urge to hit my child. I never would tolerate someone else doing it. My mother has not seen her grandson nor does she know he exists as I have broken off all contact a very long time ago. He is happy and healthy and not afraid of anybody. He saw me cry today after I had buried Glor and he came over to me and gave me a hug. He then ran to get me a tissue. My mother destroyed my childhood but she wont reach that far that she can destroy what I have now. I will not live in the past and breaking off with her was the best thing I have EVER done for myself and my sanity. Sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClazUK Posted December 29, 2006 Report Share Posted December 29, 2006 Sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mooandboo Posted December 29, 2006 Report Share Posted December 29, 2006 Reading back on this now and having had a conversation with a friend earlier today I realised that I never wanted children because I was worried I would turn out like my mother. That the abused would become the abuser. I waited until I was nearly 40 years old to have a child as I never felt *settled* enough. Truth is, when I found out I was pregnant, I cried my eyes out and not for joy but out of fear. My son turned 2 last August and I dare anyone to lay a hand on him. I would kill that person. I have never had the urge to hit my child. I never would tolerate someone else doing it. My mother has not seen her grandson nor does she know he exists as I have broken off all contact a very long time ago. He is happy and healthy and not afraid of anybody. He saw me cry today after I had buried Glor and he came over to me and gave me a hug. He then ran to get me a tissue. My mother destroyed my childhood but she wont reach that far that she can destroy what I have now. I will not live in the past and breaking off with her was the best thing I have EVER done for myself and my sanity. Sarah Your son sounds absolutely gorgeous and what a wonderful Mum he has Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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