Ian Posted April 27, 2008 Report Share Posted April 27, 2008 (edited) I'd imagine the answer is that some people want the Church purely for it's "grandness" in comparison to a register office / hotel suite not for God at all. And as to whether that's right or not, as someone with perhaps an interest but not a regular Church goer & who would get married in a Church I'd agree with Snow etc & perhaps the Bible, eg Romans 15:7 "Therefore welcome one another, just as Christ also welcomed us with glory to God in view" Luke 15:1-7 Edited April 27, 2008 by Ian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemimap Posted April 28, 2008 Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 I heard a great expression the other day and thought of this thread. I don't think it was hear that i read it Going to church no more makes you a christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. This is how i see it and whilst i don't attend a church i would want to marry in one a wouldn't like to think i was refused because i don't attend every week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotslass Posted April 28, 2008 Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 Going to church no more makes you a christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. I tend to agree with Jemimap. On the basis that many folk who go to church aren't Christian anyway, what's the problem with a few more people using the building? I do, however, think there's a difference between encouraging people to feel welcome in church and encouraging them to make vows before a deity they do not believe in. After all, if those doing the encouraging are really Christian (and therefore do believe in the sanctity of vows to the deity), they won't want to encourage sin in others, will they? My old minister used to say that much of what we have now is Churchianity, not Christianity. I think he had a point. Liz, a vow-breaker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted April 28, 2008 Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 (edited) I heard a great expression the other day and thought of this thread. Going to church no more makes you a christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. I think that's a great quote & entirely true My old minister used to say that much of what we have now is Churchianity, not Christianity. I think he had a point. This bit I'd be inclined to agree with. A vow to the Trinity, Saints and catholic church were mentioned above for example where is that to be found in the bible? I'm not myself convinced that everyone making vows is making them to God, but to the person they are marrying however. If they intend to honour them to that person then the fact that it may be made before the diety isn't to me either the same thing as making them to the diety or an indication of sin. Don't christians believe that Adam & Eve sinned, hence all have inherited sin anyway? It's therefore surely arguable whether any christian is entitled to make judgement on others vows on that basis. The verse from Luke I quoted above is about just one repentant sinner amongst many creating joy, not encouraging sin. Edited April 28, 2008 by Ian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotslass Posted April 28, 2008 Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 Don't christians believe that Adam & Eve sinned, hence all have inherited sin anyway? It's therefore surely arguable whether any christian is entitled to make judgement on others vows on that basis. My background (strict Presbyterian/evangelical) thought that other branches of the church had an overly relaxed view of the hard stuff - sin/judgment/hell etc. Yes, we're all sinners, but we're not saved unless we repent. It's our duty to get others to repent (and not commit further sin), even though - at best - we are merely forgiven/redeemed sinners ourselves. As I say, that's a hardline view; much of what we hear from every branch is theology, not Christianity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzeanna Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 I've been married twice, both times registry offices as I do not believe in God and would have felt a total hypocrite to have married in a church. My mother was disappointed as she was a fervent believer. I did have my daughter christened due to heavy pressure from both sides of the family, but not my son as I had a bit more courage by then, and I said he could make up his own mind in years to come and be baptised if he so wished..he hasn't. One thing that always amused me, the women from the church group my mother belonged to were the cattiest, most backbiting unpleasant lot you could wish not to meet. They were charming to a person's face, and demolished them behind their backs, plus the local vicar ran off with one of his congregation! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyM Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 I was marriein a registry office civil ceremony and what hasn't been mentioned so far is that even the vows there mention God. I was told I could read the minimum vows so as to have my own (wasn't allowed my own alone if you get me) and even the minimum vows mentioned God. I found that quite disrespectful of my beliefs. I wouldn't marry again - not just because of that, but because I don't believe in it, and that's a different issue. However if I ever change my mind, I do hope that registry office wedding vows are more flexible now! While I didn't even consider a church wedding as the whole idea horrifies me, I do see the attraction on the building/surrounding front and wouldn't judge others for feeling differently, but that's mainly because I don't believe in God so don't see those buildings as any different to pretty stately homes and other marriage venues (and I appreciate that others do see things differently and I'm not meaning to offend, it's just my personal view). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacobean Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 My vows didn't mention God at all. I think some people don't want a civil ceremony because they think it isn't as good or as nice as a church ceremony. Mine was lovely. Beautiful words and real meaning. We didn't have choice over what was said in the vows particularly but it had been well thought out. The registrar was lovely too and it felt like I was doing something very important and serious. I sometimes think I would have preferred now to have got married later on when I knew some of the congregation more as I was very very nervous. If I had though one important person wouldn't have attended so I'm pleased she saw her special nephew get wed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulesB Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 I've just come back from a register office wedding and the vows didn't mention God. It was a lovely ceremony, with very moving and 'real' words. I got married at Gretna because neither me nor OH believe in God although I think some of his churches are beautiful. I didn't want the whole white wedding thing, and my family (and his) know me well enough to know that it's not my policy to do anything I don't want to do, as far as possible We drove up to Gretna with two friends as witnesses, got married, drove home and were back in time for Match of the Day Each to their own Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supafrisk Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 Don't think I will ever make it up the aisle, let alone have to consider registry vs church I know that having been a practising Christian, I just wouldn't be comfortable in a registry office. However, Ellie is not christened for two reasons One, because I thought it hypocritical to christen her when O/H and myself aren't married and two, because we had one holy (quite literally) row over it because I have been brought up to believe that godparents should be friends of the family. O/H strongly disagrees and insists that it should be family only (his family at that ) and so we were never able to come to a compromise. I'm sorry, but registry offices have always struck me as godless places and I thought the whole point of joining in marriage was not for the tax benefits, but to pronounce your love for one another in God's house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trallwm farm Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 (edited) "I got married at Gretna because neither me nor OH believe in God although I think some of his churches are beautiful. " Nettie If you both dont believe in god how can he own churches.. Its such an immense question and the only one we will have felt a responsbility pushed onto us as children. To be married in church within the sight of god and hope we get all the goodies promised OR take a risk and run barefoot and naked through out life with a bit of paper as get out of jail free card. Hm I wouldnt do either. Edited May 1, 2008 by Trallwm farm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacobean Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 I didn't get married for tax benefits. I married my husband because I loved him and wanted to make a commitment to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cafferysmum Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Im not a church goer every sunday, i am sorry but i like me sleep ins and me bacon butties... and our service is way to early, now if it was midnight lol... Ours is a shared CofE and Catholic church so we go in first and off to brew area, then the Catholics come in and go off to brew area and it works well and they come together for dos and stuff and its a great atmosphere, but i believe in god, but just not at that time in a morning... I wanted to get married in yorkshire where i was born but it became too complicated and then their was the whoo agggh over my birth certificate and refused to have my real fathers name on it, so we compromised had his name on it but crossed out... my step dad bless him offered to adopt me at the age of 29 i told him a bit flaming late since he been their since i was 7, but he gave me away, he did say something thank god your the last off our hands We had a lovely church wedding, i do go to services occassionally, and dos and stuff, but am not clap happy, but to me it was important to do it in church, we looked at register offices, civil etc but it wasnt us, for others fine.. my sister married abroad paid thousands and the weather turned awful and it looked cold and windy and she now regrets doing that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greyhound pal Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 I am a Christian and all for getting people into church, but I too struggle to understand why people would want to say their vows before a God they don't believe in. I also can't understand why non-Christians would want their children baptised in Church when they don't believe in God. That was my take on it when I got married. I'd feel a hypocrite if I married in a church when I've never followed any kind or form of faith. It would have just been one big lie and I didn't want to start my marriage like that. Was doomed anyway, however... I got quite a bit of hassle for this choice. We'd hired the amazing Dalhousie castle which comes with its own chapel. Also because of my ex-husbands army status we were also entitled to marry in Edinburgh Castle. This was before the days where a registrar could leave his office so we did the deed at the registry office and held the meal and reception at Dalhousie Castle. I don't regret not doing the chapel thing but I do regret marrying the git Which leads me on to off-topic... my ex and his new partner have entered a lovely 'win your dream wedding' contest and its online . I'm hoping they don't win - is that morally wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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