gooster Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 *sigh* weekend again. I think I must be the only person in the world who prefers to be at work than at home. At work everyone is friendly and there are no arguments. At home, am either on my own, or in the warzone that is mum and dad's when my brother's girlfriend is there. After another row with her on Thursday, have decided not to go round to mum and dad's if she is there, as we clearly can't put out differences behind us. It's my uncle's 40th today and we were supposed to be going, but as Jo is going to be there, I can't go as I don't want there to be an atmosphere there. I just feel like she is pushing me out of the family. Surely as it is a family occasion and she knows I want to go, she should stay away for tonight so we can celebrate his birthday as a family. I got a bit upset on the train thinking about it, and the lovely lady opposite me asked if I was ok. I just hate being in this situation. I get on really well with my parents, but they don't seem bothered about my decision to stay away, so I just feel like they don't care. I don't have any friends outside work, so am feeling really lonely and isolated now. I just hope this isn't going to trigger off my depression again. Anyway, am sorry for being so negative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 hugs hun xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cycas Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 Have you tried talking to your parents about how you feel about this? it sounds very difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fee Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 Really sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment I'm sure it's not that your parents don't care about you staying away, but they are probably upset by the rows and have no idea how to resolve things without upsetting either you or your brother. How often is his girlfriend there, could you try to visit when she's not around? Obviously don't answer this if you'd rather not, but what sort of things do you and your brother's gf row about? Is there no way of calling a truce and at least being polite to one another even if you don't really like each other for the rest of the family's sake? Where's your brother in all this, could he talk to her and get her to be more reasonable? It's such a shame if you don't feel able to attend a family celebration just because she's going to be there. I think you should go, avoid brother's gf as much as possible, be cheerful and scrupulously polite to her if you have to have contact and if she's unpleasant just walk away, then if there's any 'atmosphere' it will be obvious who's generating it and perhaps she won't get asked next time. I know it's easier said than done though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greys mum Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 What an awful situation to be caught up in. Does seem as if you are a bit low at the moment. Perhaps a visit to the docs? Have you thought of mediation with the g/friend? If it is something that you suggest, especially in front of family, they will know that you want to resolve the problem rather than let it fester. Hope that all resolves very soon. :GroupHug: From a parents point of view.......A couple of months ago, my 2 eldest had a row to end all rows. It was really dreadful. I really didn't know what to say or do. So did the worst thing possible and said/did nothing. A few weeks later though I had to talk to them seperately to clear the air as they both thought I should have backed them up. It was the most terrible thing to be caught in the middle. But I was wrong in doing nothing as that only made things worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
griff Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 :GroupHug: families are crap sometimes! could you just nip to your uncles for half an hour or so??, you could tell him you have a bad headache but just wanted to pop by to say happy birthday... that way the girl friend hasn't won, you have shown your face and all will be happy i am probably the worst person to give advice as i don't see 95% of my family. the most important thing is not to bottle it up.....come on here and have a moan.... it might help you feel better just typing it out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Claire Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 It sounds a difficult situtation. Sorry you are feeling so low and sending you hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 oh dear that sounds rather crap is this a follow on from the problems you posted about over xmas ? where you able to talk to your mum and dad about those ? I am sure they do care but I can understand why you think they might not you mentioned being depressed before , did you have support with that from a GP or a counsellor ? I think if you can talk to someone outside your family first about feeling low and isolated it might help you deal with the whole situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooster Posted January 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 Thanks guys, it is following on from the problems over Christmas that I had with her. The trouble is that she just treats me like a bit of dirt that she has scraped off her shoe, so when I speak to her, shr just looks down on me. The latest one was she was saying that she and my brother are going to buy a house together once they finish uni. I just said it would be unlikely that they would get a mortgage as they have no money saved, neither of them work, and I had to jump through hoops to get my mortgage, and that was with me earning a lot more than they will be earning. She then jumped down my throat saying of course they'll get a mortgage no problems. Then later on, one of the dogs had emptied someone's pockets and both my brother and his girlfriend straight away blame Charlie, despite noone seeing which dog had done it and all 4 dogs being more than capable of doing it. I told them both that as we weren't there, we can't tell anyone off as we didn't catch them in the act. Then up comes the 'charlie is horrible' story again. I just can't cope with going round there and going through this again. I only go round on a Saturday and Monday night and she's always there when I am. It seems that she is spending more and more time round at my parents house. I'd be happy if I could go round to mum and dad's just on a Saturday and Monday and she not be there, but they won't hear of that, as they don't want to upset my brother and push him away. I know they are in a difficult spot, but they are at risk of totally pushing me away, by just doing whatever jo wants to do, and just thinking I'm being stubborn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murtle Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 Gooster, I would suggest not broaching conversations with her. Biting your tongue when she makes comments about getting mortgages and just let them get on with it. If she blames Charlie for emptying the pockets, give him a cuddle and congratulate him for apparently getting there before the other dogs did or just ignore her. Charlie won't mind, he'll know she's a doofus already It's not easy, but see if taking the high ground and ignoring her will work for a while whilst others see what she is like. I think she is baiting you and trying to get a reaction out of you, and it sounds as if it is working. Play her at her own game and wait, keep schtoom and be polite/pleasant and enjoy the time with your family. It's not easy, but don't withdraw from YOUR family, treat her as an elderly member of society, those ones you can't escape from but always feel the need to be polite. In the meantime have a Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 could you try writing down how you feel and asking your mum and dad to read that ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
collies r best Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 sorry no advice as i'm the type that'd tell the cow exactely what i think of her and that wont help much I know what others mean by being polite etc but with her attitude and insulting your lovely Charlie i can understand why you dont want to be near here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 can your parents come to you? then she definatly wont be around, then you can relax Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackmagic Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 It sounds as if she is being a bully. She knows she is upsetting you when she says things about Charlie and enjoys it. I agree with ignoring her. If she speaks to you then look down your nose at her. Hard as it is do not let her get to you. Walk out of the room if you have to but do not have any conversation with her no matter how tempted you are. I also agree with writing down how you feel and asking you parents to read it. They may not realise just how badly you feel about it. Explain to them that you have tried but you cannot get on with her. She hurts you deeply with the things she says. You still want to see them and if she is there you are going to ignore her. Perhaps they could come to you some nights or maybe you could them or your mum for a coffee somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merledogs Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 No advice to add apart from the stuff above, but just wanted to send you a so you know we're all on yourside Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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