Trudi Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 No words of advice that haven't been said already, just wanted to send a It is awful when you just can't get on with someone that you have to have regular contact with so you have my sympathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooster Posted January 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Thanks guys, you are all lovely Am going to try and write down how I feel in the hope that they will understand how the situation is making me feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spins4me Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 She sounds a nasty, manipulative bully. No different advice I'm afraid. I really hope that writing it down for your parents will help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizzie Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Just being pragmatic about this difficult situation you are in, isn't there a good chance that your brother will break off this relationship before it comes to getting a house together? So many relationships formed whilst young & away at Uni don't necessarily last. Meanwhile Do you have a hobby or an interest that you could invest more time in perhaps? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooster Posted January 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Just written my letter to mum and dad, stretched to 4 sides of a4!! They both live at home, and have known each other since college and been going out for 18 months. The ideal situation would be that they break it off, but I have not known them have a single argument, and they are always being lovey dovey when they are together and telling each other on facebook how much they love each other. It makes you want to puke. Whizzie, I have a horse, who takes up alot of time and money. Unfortunately he has really knocked my confidence as he can be quite naughty. I have moved him to another farm and his behaviour has improved, but am still not confident to ride him unless my instructor is with me. Also I can't ride him at the moment as he is missing a shoe and is lame Am hopefully going to get him sorted this week so his lameness will resolve. I also can't spend more time with the dogs, as they live with my parents as I am out of the house from 8am till 6pm. Am hoping that the letter will make them realise that I'm not just being awkward or stubborn, and the situation is really upsetting me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyMalc Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 What a horrid, horrid situation I'm absolutely pants with conflict situations, I often bottle it up and then explode at some point, which usually isn't very helpful. I'd definitely try talking to your parents. Could you possibly invite them for dinner or at least a coffee? I also like the idea of beating the cow at her own game if you can stomach being around her for that long. Hope you'll be able to get it sorted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooster Posted January 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Have dropped the letter off at mum and dad's. Posted it through the letterbox as I didn't want to be there when they read it. Tried to post it as quietly as I could, but satellite dish ears Charlie heard the letterbox go and started barking Have since had a call from my dad, but I was mucking blue out and my phone was in the car. He left a message that said both him and mum have read the letter and if I want to go round for tea tonight I can do, and we can either talk or not talk about things. Have decided to stay at my house tonight though as I still keep getting upset, and would rather be alone (despite how much I want a cuddle from Charlie and eddie right now). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trudi Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Sounds positive that your Dad called as soon as they had read the letter, hopefully they will absorb how you feel and things will improve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
griff Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 :GroupHug: Gooster i hope things improve for you now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kittycat Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 what a naff situation to be in I've no advice but I hope now your parents know how you feel something can be resolved. I know you said your dogs stay at your partents when your working but could they not stay with you at the weekends so you get to spend time with them while you and your parents sort things out? I'm sure they will stop you from feeling so down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackmagic Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Please contact your dad and arrange a time to meet them even if you need a day or so to yourself first. He has read the letter and approached you to offer to talk. You have taken the first step by sending them the letter and he has taken the second step of contacting you. Keep the communication going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzeanna Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Why is she so sure they can get a mortgage...has your brother asked your parents to bankroll them, do you think? Does she have no parents of her own, that she spends so much time with yours? She sounds a possessive jealous type, and probably insecure, however she comes across. She sees you as a threat, and is trying to take your place as the daughter of the house (me with my amateur psychologists hat on!) She wants to be Queen Bee and you are in her way. I agree with what others have said, by reacting to how she looks at you and what she says, you are giving her exactly what she wants. Next time she makes a nasty remark about Charlie, I'd ask her why, as she seems to dislike your dogs so much, she chooses to come to the house when she knows they are there? Is there no way you can have a social life outside work with some of your work friends, so you don't feel so isolated? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooster Posted January 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 I would love to have the dogs at mine, but I work Saturdays, so never get 2 days off together. I have brought the boys back to mine on occasions, but Charlie just doesn't settle and is clearly unhappy being parted from the girls. I am going to have to go round tomorrow as I have to pick Ted up as he is at the groomers on tuesday, apparantly Jo won't be there tomorrow, so we can always have a chat tomorrow night. Work is quite a social place, but with me having Blue to sort out, it makes things very difficult to go out after work when i have to go to the farm to sort him out. There is noone i know well enough to ask to muck him out etc on my new farm, and as i am usually the the last one there, i rarely see anyone!! Also everyone finishes work at different times, I finish at 5 whereas others don't finish to 8, so it makes social occasions difficult to organise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
safneo Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Jane, I hope you can resolve things and your parents understand how bad things are with you. Maybe they will speak to your brother about maybe having some time without the 'new lodger' so that you can visit in peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mooandboo Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 :GroupHug: for you, I know how this kind of situation can drag you down. I hope your parents will give you the support you need When my MIL was being incredibly snide early on in my relationship with OH (always out of earshot) I almost became a nervous wreck, it only took my OH walking in one day and hearing what she said for me to get the support I needed. I deal with her now by laughing at whatever she says - it's worked so well that she never comes round. Get yourself strong and as you've started to do get the support you need from wherever you can. She's in the wrong, not you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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