Fee Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 Dear Neighbour It was good to meet you and your dog once again this morning. I'm sorry the circumstances were such that we couldn't have a proper chat, but I'm afraid that being in a situation where I was restraining my three agitated and angry dogs whilst trying to ward your dog off with my foot as he tried to hump them indiscriminately wasn't conducive to chit-chat. Unfortunately we have had similar encounters several times since you moved here a few weeks ago, and as my dogs are a neutered male and two spayed females who don't appreciate you dog's relentless advances things can get a little lively when we meet, so I thought perhaps a letter might help to break the ice as it were. I appreciate that your dog ran over two fields and nearly a quarter of a mile to get to mine, so it was going to take you a little time to get there to retrieve him. However for next time I'd suggest spending 15 minutes standing two fields away angrily screaming his name possibly wasn't the best use of your time? It hasn't worked on any previous occasion and didn't work this morning, so could I respectfully suggest that next time you cut that part out of the process and come and retrieve your dog straight away? Anyway, I was sure as hell pleased to see you after 25 minutes of my dogs being humped, barged and jumped on. It was a shame that having finally managed to catch your dog and get hold of his collar you only let us get a few yards down the path before you released him, so he immediately came after us and the whole performance started again, but hey that's dogs for you – whoever in the world could have predicted he would do that? We did talk a little last time about how you could stop your dog continuously running off and bothering other dogs, and I'll accept that you have indeed tried 'everything' – except training apparently. Or rewards, as he 'should' do what you tell him without them. Dogs are certainly clever animals, but I'd never before realised that they had a sense of ethics and obligation to do the right thing, I certainly learned a few things from our conversation. To think of all that time I've wasted with clickers and treats! On that subject, I'm still I'm not entirely sure how smacking him when you do finally manage to get hold of him will make him easier to catch next time, perhaps you could talk me through that one next time we meet? We also briefly discussed that neutering might help curb his desire to streak off into the distance hump anything that moved, but you mentioned that you were considering using him at stud in due course as he a pedigree Labrador with Papers; and he's chocolate – that's important apparently. Now I certainly can't claim to know a lot about Labradors, but if the standard for the breed specifies a potato-shaped body and short, stumpy legs your boy is certainly a fine example. Health checks, you tell me, are unnecessary as he has Papers. I hate to break it to you - so does my newsagent but that doesn't make me want to have his babies. You told me that you'd thought about an electric shock collar to tackle his tendency to run off, but were concerned about the cost. I'm sure the fact you didn't also mention any concerns about the effect of administering electric shocks on your dog's physical and psychological wellbeing was merely an oversight, but I thought I'd slip it in here just in case it's an aspect of these collars you may not have considered? Anyway, having come home and pondered your problem with your dog running off, I hope you are as pleased as I am that I have managed to come up with a tried and tested 100% effective solution that requires no time, input or effort from you and costs only a few pounds. There is a handy little gadget that savvy dog owners have been using for many years to address your sort of problem. It's very simple, a long strip of rope or leather with a loop at one end you can use as a handle, and a clever little clip at the other end that attaches to your dog's collar (you might have seen that metal ring on his collar and wondered what it was for?). This brilliant device is called a lead - L.E.A.D. You attach it to your dog, hold the handle and hey presto, you have control of your dog and he can no longer run away! Most good pet shops sell them – in fact I probably have a spare I can loan you to try, just let me know. You can thank me next time we meet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K9Fran Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 LOL - well, you may never get a chance to be thanked, if you are really lucky they will either get an L.E.A.D. and use it, or if the dog is really lucky, he'll be found a home through a responsible rescue where they will get him castrated and a home with experienced and responsible owners......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cycas Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 Chortle! You should send it - if not to the neighbour, then at least to the local newspaper... I particularly liked the stud potato angle. Seriously, that must be such a pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ailsas mum Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 That is one of the best letters I've ever read, absolutely brilliant. Terri Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonbladez Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 Mu ha ha ha! That should be published somewhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celeste Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 Brilliant, you really should send it to your local paper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mad as a catter Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 I am sat here crying with laughter, whilst I feel your frustration, I love the way you have written the letter. Don't let it hide on your computer, it is far too good for that! I have just let other half read it and I missed the bit about the newsagent and his babies, the first time, so funny!!! Well done! Full marks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merledogs Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 Oh you should definitely send it, it's brilliant and might make the twonk think Met an entire choccy lab this morning on our walk. It tried to hump Max and got told what for, then about 15 minutes later, it came belting back followed about 5 minutes later by its owner The dog had gone up the top of the field and annoyed another on lead dog, then it looks like it ran towards the road, so I just hope he managed to catch up to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickentikka Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 It's a classic However your neighbour sounds a twonk on so many fronts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruthi (borrowadog) Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 My trainer used to carry a small spray bottle with Bitter Apple in it. Squirt the b****r without mercy. It does no lasting harm, but is off-putting. If you have a dog warden then I'd be inclined to complain while I was waiting for my bottle of bitter apple to arrive. As for your letter, why don't you send it to the local newspaper? Its far too good a piece of writing to be wasted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyMalc Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 Classic!!! Specially the bit about the news agent having papers too! I agree, send it to the news paper instead - might actually make a few people think. Although I'm not sure the d1ckhead it's intended for will be one of them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
griff Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 that so needs publishing...it is hilarious we had an incident last night of a similar type and that letter has really made me chuckle.. thankyou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greys mum Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 Brilliant :biglaugh: Dare you to send it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurel n Hardy Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 great letter you could always add PS, the next time it happens your lovely pedigree may get a swift kick in the you know whats, thus preventing him from being the stud you clearly are not. or something similar (and funnier) alternately another fugee can send it in the third person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 Excellent and hilarious!! Sorry to hear about your git of a neighbour though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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