celeste

Glad the wee jaggy jumper is going from strength to strength

Me too

Just after getting home from the crematorium with Ben, I received a lovely bouquet of flowers from Kelly ( Griff ) what is she like ! bloody lovely .

Cancer does indeed find it harder to multiply on a high protein and fat diet, it's those damned carbs that will help it thrive. Here's hoping she's got a way to go yet

We had to put him in the car last night which I really didn't want to do, but he kept bleeding from his nose , there was such a lot and it was upsetting Spud so much he didn't want to walk past Ben. We managed to change the blanket he was wrapped in but he bled on that too, this was about 6 hours after he'd died , god knows why, I'll ask the vet when I go in next week, I suppose it must have been the tumours in his lung

It was all very peaceful, I took him out into the garden for a wee before the vet arrived, he settled onto the terrace as we were coming back in which was where he always liked to lie, so I got the vet to come out and let him go there, i think that's the way he would have wanted it. I held and kissed his head and the vet hadn't even got the first injection in and he was gone. Janette said that as he was going and she was giving him reiki, she saw a great wash of red which was his earth chakra ( I think ) then saw a great big wide open view of the country side. I didn't know this but Janette said Ben was receiving reiki from right around the world from various other practitioners, the most touching was her friend in Vancouver who was going to meditate and think of him in the hour he'd be going Goodbye beautiful handsome boy, we didn't have nearly enough time together, fly quicker than light, don't look back and be free

Thank you so much for the support , I've just got him some sausages, what dog doesn't love a sausage ?, a couple of Bueno's and fudge doughnuts, the three of them can have a big slap up beano before he goes. My friend janette will be coming along at lunch time, she's a reiki master and has been giving Ben treatments all through this, so she'll be giving him reiki whilst he's being pts to aid him on his journey to the bridge, although knowing Ben he'll be off like a comet and won't be stopping at any bridge, which is as it should be, it's always said of TM's that they love being with their people, it's just that they think being with their people means being on the same continent . As I keep saying to him, he doesn't need to suffer for me, that's my job.

Vet will be coming this afternoon to send the big guy on his way. he's comfortable but has no quality of life, he looks tired and fed up , he can't walk very far before he has to stop for a breather. His appetite has returned a bit though, thanks to the steroids, he had flapjacks, home made cheese scone, ice cream, fish supper, pan fried lambs heart, he has some steak mince and ham for today. I'll miss him so much, so will Spud, they were such good pals, I wouldn't change a single thing, my only regret is he couldn't get off his lead, he did a bit in the field across from us ( now known as Ben's Field ) I went round the fence when I first got him to make it Ben proof, so he did get some free running, but I would have loved to have seen him fly across the hill side with Spud.

I finally succumbed to the allure of a kindle some weeks ago, so far I've read a book ( and it's sequel ) called Rivers of London, really good first time author, story's about a young cop in london who can see ghosts and gets drafted into the Met's version of the X Files, oh, and he turns out to be a bit of a wizard too, I liked it as it didn't take itself to seriously, quite funny in parts. I also read, Delete This at Your Peril, hilarious true e mails between a man in Dundee and various scam artists from around the world, he decides to take them on at their own game, laugh out loud funny and left me wishing I had some scam mail I could have some fun with , it's also been turned into a radio series with the part of the author played by Brian Cox . I'm now reading one called The Edinburgh Dead, set in the 1800's and is a creepy tale of body snatchers, zombies and black magic set in my home town Embrae . I've given up on Amazon's recommendations after buying a book about a werewolf that got rave revues but turned out to be a complete turkey . so any suggestions for spooky/funny, not necessarily at the same time, books ?

He does seem a bit better today, he doesn't appear to be in any pain and is breathing easier, but I think tomorrow will be the decider, I'm desperate not to have him suffer but equally desperate not to say goodbye. he's certainly not himself, although he did have a bloody good woof at the nutty Vizla that lives across the road when it barked at him .

Handsome boy

Thanks guys I don't know if it's because I've been here before with Celeste all those years ago, but I feel quite at peace with it all. The big balloon is having a kip in the diningroom, I don't know if it's my imagination but he appears to be breathing a bit slower which is good, Which ever cancer this is it's galloping along at a fast pace, even a week ago he was still able to come for a walk, but although he's still willing, I wouldn't risk it, he's so slow and I worry he'd collapse. If he can get enough respite that he can come for a walk again I'll be delighted. I've only had him for 2 years, and if I had the choice again knowing what was ahead I'd still take him, he and Spud are such great friends, Ben's had a ball living here. His old owners ( who are paying part of his vets bill !...how kind is that ! ) loved him dearly but were quite strict with him, not hard in any way but very definite rules, he was only here 6 months and he was scoffing left overs off the plate and cadging food in the kitchen, his old owners would have been mortified .

Just had the vet on the phone and his lungs are riddled with tumours in a way I'm relieved as now I know what I'm dealing with and I've been down this road before. So I'll go and pick him up, have him on steroids and see how he goes, if he doesn't get enough relief then the vet will come out to the house and send him off to Rainbow Bridge

I've used Stress-less on Daisy with no side effects, but that doesn't mean much, nothing seems to affect my Monkey kid. Daisy has also had an MRI and yes they do need knocking out, I don't know how long it took as she was having other stuff done and was away over night. I have had one myself though and that took half an hour and was for my guts, you just have to lie in this big tube while they take the shots, it's not distressing in the slightest, unless you had claustaphobia, then it would be hell. Hope he picks up soon

, I know, doesn't stop me feeling guilty though Ben's in for his x ray, I was so worried about leaving him, but the nurses are so kind and gentle with him, I'm ok now, I took him upstairs to the treatment bit of the practice ( where we met Sue the vets lovely wiggly Lab puppy ) and they were going to put him in a room rather than one of the kennels which will suit him better. Roll on lunch time.