Ian Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 I hate to admit this but I'm going downhill really quickly Every time I think I can hold it together for a short while, I fall to pieces again. I can't be alone, I need constant company but crave no company other than Steve's. I can't do this. I just can't understand why he won't try to work through things. You sound really down here & I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling no better but I'm also a little confused now - so maybe Steve is too? You say for example that you can't be alone, need constant company but crave only Steve's. You can't understand why he won't try to work things through and yet you've told him that you want all contact to stop - so how is he supposed to do both of these things I wonder? Was he perhaps only supposed to do one of them & play your "long game" perhaps? If so what happens if he doesn't respond as you wanted / expected? Will "getting away" to Tunisia (or where ever) really make you feel differently / better I wonder, or will it just be a case of same sh*t, and a different day / place? You said that life is going to move on for you but I didn't see you say whether or not you'd taken up your friends invitation for a night out in the end. You seem to want to return to where you were before that "ultimatum" & I'm wondering what is it that you'd most like to happen next Kelly and also what ultimately happens if, whether you want to or not, the cold hard truth is simply that you & Steve really do no longer want the same thing(s)? You've said that you can't do it & that life is going to move on for you. Can they both be true? I know it's hard & I can "hear" just how down you are right now but I think that you can & will "do it" - whatever happens. Best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BilRed Posted July 22, 2009 Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 Apologies, I did of course mean EFT, not EMF. EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique. EMF - Electro Magnetic Field which would be a fat lot of use to Peachy. EFT has helped me a lot but it hasn't made me any less dozy. EFT is brilliant! Well worth doing to help you cope with the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peachy Posted July 31, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2009 Well, much seems to be happening for me at the moment. I've had some brilliant support from my friends and have started to smile again, despite being worried about the future. I'm looking forward to getting away on Monday and know that it's a great time for me to do something for me. Then what happens? Steve turns up last night, telling me that he's made the biggest mistake of his life and asking if I'll listen to him. I'm not a nasty person so heard him out. I have to say, he did sound convincing but I'm still not sure if he's going to change his mind. I've said that I'm going to go away on Monday and it's a good time for us both to do some thinking. He's agreed. He's already planning future holidays for us, including booking me onto his next Egypt trip at the end of August, so I get the impression that he's serious but I'm not going to be sucked in that easily. There's so much more to work out but I did see sparks of him being my best friend again which was so nice as it's been months since I've seen that in him. For now, bring on Tunisia! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
collies r best Posted July 31, 2009 Report Share Posted July 31, 2009 Its good you didnt rush into agreeing to get back together and it'll do him the world of good to see that you want to think things through thoroughly. Have a good time away then see how things go. You sound so much better today, stronger i mean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted July 31, 2009 Report Share Posted July 31, 2009 Well, much seems to be happening for me at the moment.......................... For now, bring on Tunisia! Much indeed but for now, as the "Cocktails" (one of my favourite films) / Bobby McFerrin song goes "Don't worry, be happy!" Enjoy Tunisia Kelly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacobean Posted July 31, 2009 Report Share Posted July 31, 2009 Have a lovely break away from it all. I hope it does you the world of good. As you say this is time out for both of you to have time on your own pleasing yourselves what you do. I hope when you get back things are clearer for you both so you know exactly where things stand and you can get on with your life. No matter what happens you will enjoy life and be happy again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReikiAnge Posted July 31, 2009 Report Share Posted July 31, 2009 My word, men can be soooo predictable! Have a wonderful holiday Kelly, you truly deserve it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickentikka Posted July 31, 2009 Report Share Posted July 31, 2009 I've said that I'm going to go away on Monday and it's a good time for us both to do some thinking. He's agreed.He's already planning future holidays for us, including booking me onto his next Egypt trip at the end of August, He's agreed to you going or doing some thinking, did he ask you before doing all this planning and booking? If he so much hints that you shouldn't go to Tunisia, but stay and work things out ditch him and never look back, also always remember that your friends have rallied round you so keep them close and don't give them up again. Please Kelly, stop letting him pull your strings and get some independence. Enjoy Tunisia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rufus the wonderdog Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Pleased to hear you sounding more upbeat Kelly Enjoy your holiday in Tunisia and take the time to do exactly as you want. All I would say is to be cautious about leaping back into a relationship with Steve again. It's nice that you're talking but he does seem still to be in control Kelly - basically he hasn't invited you to join him on his next trip, he's assumed that you will be there by booking tickets etc already - you need to establish some rules for yourself. Please don't let yourself be railroaded back into something that may not be the best for you even though it might well be good for him. If you can work things out with him that suit you then fine and well done but please, please take time to think. Sending lots of as I know all too well what you're going through right now. Enjoy your holiday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peachy Posted August 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 I probably haven't relayed things very well but Steve hasn't for one minute asked me to cancel Tunisia, I think he knows much better than that. I might feel weak at times but he knows that I'm a gutsy girl that has more about her than to just obey commands. I think that's where things started to go wrong. We both know my life is about more than it has been in recent months, his too, and we've both become too involved with our insular world. I think he's seen that I'm making plans by myself and he's seen the person that he maybe hasn't seen for a while. I've seen changes in him too. As for Egypt, and other trips, I think he's pretty keen to show me that I can be involved in his work. That's always been an issue for us. It's very difficult never being able to be part of someone's world when it's as different, extreme and interesting as his and I've always struggled with no ever being able to be part of that world. Pilots don't have office parties, nights out, drinks out with colleagues etc, so I've never been able to be part of his world. I've love to have a seat on the same plane as him and experience his working day. I'm pleased he's doing things that maybe he wouldn't have done before. Tonight will be interesting. My Mum is 60 today and I've challenged Steve to come to the party and face all of my family in one go. He's coming along. A brave move and not one that I'd want to do. I've got to respect him for that. Steve is not the centre of my universe, I am. I now know that I don't need to be with him. I can go on holiday. That's been a real tie for me but I can do it - it's not as hard as I ever made it. I can push my business to be bigger. I can get another job if I need it. I've also got a lodger who's seen one of the spare rooms and wants to rent it. I need to go to Tunisia, enjoy my friends, plan my future (but not too far ahead because I'm rubbish at planning!) and if that involves Steve then so be it. If it doesn't, then so be that instead. I can't deny that I still love him. Of course I do but it's a different love. It's not all-consuming. I have my own life and I'm starting to enjoy it. He's got to find his own life too. Only then can we enjoy any form of relationship together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Grose Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Having been living with and married to a pilot for past 22 years, I know exactly what you mean about it being hard to be part of their world. I have spent probably nearly 20 of those years seeing him maybe 2 days a week if I am lucky as I worked full time. I gave up full time work two years ago and it is strange to spend so much time together. We have always had our other hobbies and lives so that the relationship worked. It is important. Believe you me, you don't want to go to pilots office parties or parties where there are lots of other pilots, they are the most boring things on this planet. Our two closest friends - who now live in France - were both pilots, one on helicopters like my husband and his wife was a fixed wing. I felt like a spare part most of the time, never understood a word they talked about. It sounds like Steve has really decided that he doesn't like life without you, going to your mum's party tonight will be a big thing. Good luck Kelly and enjoy Tunisia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReikiAnge Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Hope tonight goes well Kelly - and I'm sure you're more than capable of making the decision that's right for you, whichever one that will be Could you please bring us back some sunshine? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyMalc Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Your last post is such a good read, Kelly! You sound so optimistic and like you know where you're going, I'm really made up for you! Maybe you don't know exactly where you are heading all of the time, but you've really moved on, believing in your ability to do exactly what you want with your life, like expanding your business and taking on a lodger (does he know about all the people that live in your computer tho? ). Nice one, mate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fee Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 It's great to hear you sounding more optimistic again Kelly I hope tonight goes well, and that you have a fabulous holiday in Tunisia, and that things work out the way you want (whatever that proves to be) when you get back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tempest Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Glad things went well when you had a chat with Steve the other night - hope it all goes well at the party tonight I definately agree with you that he's a brave man if he goes along and faces all your family tonight - that definately takes some guts. I think the holiday will be just what you need and I think you've got exactly the right attitude Kelly and are dealing with things brilliantly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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