Peachy Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 I'm in a state. My relationship of six years has just ended and I really didn't see it coming. On Friday night, Steve said that he didn't thought he might want other things from life and said that he feels that the dogs are a real tie for him. He changed his mind back and forth a few times about us trying to make some changes but finally, in the early hours of Saturday morning, said that he didn't think he felt the same and he left. My world came tumbling down. I can't make sense of it and I'm desperate for advice. I don't have many friends that I keep in touch with because Steve, without meaning any malice, told me that the two who I was closest to were unreliable and just using me. To be fair, I was upset at them constantly letting me down. He told me to just forget about them so I then stopped contacting them. They didn't contact me either. Yesterday, I sent them both a text to say I needed them. One was in labour in hospital but rang me to give me some support. The other rang me to say she'd be here in an hour if I needed her. I don't work. I gave up my job over a year ago because Steve's job meant he was away irregular hours so we decided that it would mean we saw more of each other if I didn't work. Recently, I've started a small business with my sister in law but it's pocket money and won't even cover half the mortgage payment on my house. I've got no confidence and can't even bear to apply myself to the business because Steve was such a huge part of it. I'm so scared. I'm desperately lonely. I hate the sound of silence in my house. I hate it being sunny outside because we would've been out enjoying it but instead I'm sat here by myself wondering where life is going to take me. I thought we were soulmates, we made so many promises to each other and got through some really tough times that came about from outside influences. I got bullied at work and Steve had to spend over three months in America to train for his job. We were ridiculously happy and head over heels in love. Now it's all gone and I wish I knew why. I'm so sorry for the long post and the self pity but I'd love to hear from anyone who feels they can give me some words of wisdom. I know all the clichés about it getting better with time but right now that's not real to me. Steve's not coming back, he's really really not. His mind is absolute. I'm 34, it's not as if I haven't been hurt before but this relationship was different and really was supposed to be forever. Please help me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 After 6 years it is going to be a massive shock and upheaval but hang on in there. Get your friend round who offered to come, cry on her shoulder, open a bottle of wine and get sloshed.. but for one night only. You now need to take some time out to deal with your sense of loss before you then try to put your life back together. For now, just try to look after yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumpole Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 so sorry to hear this i dont really know what to say other than i have seen friends slowly become so involved in a relationship that they lose their independence and are unable to function when it ends, but they do eventually and usually with the help of friends. even those they have left behind previously, i hope your friends will show they are true ones and will give you the support you need until you are strong enough to deal with things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barb Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 I am sorry you are feeling so low, as Helly says, talk to your friend, drink the wine, get as much of your chest as possible then try to look forward to a better life. It sounds as though he was very controlling so you need time to get yourself back to who you were before. Your dogs will be a comfort if you let them Good luck to you, and remember, we are here it give you moral support even if we are too far away to be by your side. to you Barbara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redditchlady Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 So sorry you are hurting so badly. :GroupHug: You never know, there may be some local Fugees to you that can come for coffee or meet up for a walk or something. Hang in there if you need to cry or rant we are only at the end of a phone Kazz xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houndzrus Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 I'm so sorry this has happened. I can only echo what others heave said about talking to your friends and not rushing things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddyboy Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 You may only have 2 friends who you can see physically but you have hundreds on here. OK not the same as face to face but still a comfort to know that there is someone on here nearly 24/7 who could chat to you... Your physical friends - well, I suppose being in labour is a good reason for not being able to come round!! AND she rang you straight away (hope there was not too much grunting and groaning!). PLUS the other one said to ring her if you needed her to come around, so they both sound like true friends who will drop everything to support you if needed. Steve - at least you have accepted it is over, and are not sitting there half thinking it might be ok. You have had lots of good times, so once you are more settled in yourself those are the ones to remember, but not with an "if only". You cannot change what has happened in your life so if you go down the "if only" view (like my mother and brother) you just get yourself upset, and spread it to others. Try and think "OK that was not too good but I have learned and I won't make the same choice again". Dogs - they are there for you, cry into their fur, tell them all your secrets. They know you are upset but they are your family and want to help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReikiAnge Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 The other rang me to say she'd be here in an hour if I needed her. Kelly, you need her - phone her this morning and ask her to come round Will try to catch up with you on the phone very soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rufus the wonderdog Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 Kelly Have PM'ed you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
incapuppy Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 Kelly, I just wanted to say hang on in there. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you will get through this with the help of friends and your wonderful doglets. Thinking of you xx :GroupHug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Claire Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 Hi, I've not really any other words of wisdom to add other than what others have said before but to you and let your dogs do the same for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tzumit Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 Kelly as Ange says ring your friend, get her to come over today, talk all afternoon, cry, rant, but be with someone who will just listen to what you have to say. You have tons of friends on here and whilst its only a computer it is still good to chat and does help. Take care of yourself and don't make yourself ill with it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tempest Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 Kelly I'm so so so sorry to hear this - what a massive shock for you I think at the moment you're just in total and absolute shock as it sounds as though this has come completely out of the blue for you Definately take your friend up on her offer of her coming round - do you have any family nearby that you can spend some time with too? You're not alone - you've got all your friends on here and your doglets too so hold on to that fact Don't panic about things like money and the like at the moment - those are all things that can and will get sorted. At the moment you just need to take some time to come to terms with what has happened and recover from the shock. If you want to talk at all you know where I am - thinking of you and really hoping you're okay :GroupHug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 I don't have many friends that I keep in touch with because Steve, without meaning any malice, told me that the two who I was closest to were unreliable and just using me. To be fair, I was upset at them constantly letting me down. He told me to just forget about them so I then stopped contacting them. They didn't contact me either. Yesterday, I sent them both a text to say I needed them. One was in labour in hospital but rang me to give me some support. The other rang me to say she'd be here in an hour if I needed her. they sound like a great pair of friends to be honest. Ring them and ask for help. thats what friends are for Recently, I've started a small business with my sister in law but it's pocket money and won't even cover half the mortgage payment on my house. I've got no confidence and can't even bear to apply myself to the business because Steve was such a huge part of it. you can do anything with a bit of self beleif and a confidence I'm so scared. I'm desperately lonely. I hate the sound of silence in my house. I hate it being sunny outside because we would've been out enjoying it but instead I'm sat here by myself wondering where life is going to take me. Life will take you where ever you want it to if you want it to. Turn some music on, sort out some cupcoards, take a close look at where your closest fugees are, look for local events or walks, or even organise a walk to meet some new people. After a while the solitude becomes quite comforting as you realise you can do what you want when you want. It does get easier as you go along Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyMalc Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 to you. I can't add anything more to the wise words that have already been posted, they are so true! I hope you've been in touch with the friend who isn't in labour and accept her help - they both sound like real mates who want to be there for you (although I guess multi tasking that and labour is a bit of a tough call! ). Also we're all here, so if you need to offload, just give a shout, okay? :flowers: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts