owl Posted August 5, 2008 Report Share Posted August 5, 2008 Thanks Ange Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissa Posted August 5, 2008 Report Share Posted August 5, 2008 I'm probably too close to this right now too - but as Kathy said it is the fear with dementia that is so damn hard to get over. I cannot fault the care, or the staff who are giving it to my mum but to see her tortured mind & constant fear is just about one of the cruelest things I have ever witnessed. Could I give her a lethal injection- no I couldn't & don't think I could let anyone else either. If she was able to make a choice earlier when she was well, strong & happy - I think she would have chosen not too live - in lucid times she says 'what have I come too?, why is this hapening to me?' There is no easy answer like most things in life - big to all who have or are trying to cope with the roller coaster of emotions that you go through every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted August 5, 2008 Report Share Posted August 5, 2008 (edited) There is a lady in my Mum's home called Eleanor - she goes through the home like a battleship. She likes a fag and has often cadge one or two from me. She has a boyfriend who she entertains in her own little lounge (she smokes in there so no-one else willl go in there). One day she mention she missed jellied eels the most as she had not had any since moving into the home. One sunday just after Ray got her some and I took them into her - she was feeling very poorly and was laying on her bed. I said I would put the eels in the fridge for her to eat later when she felt better. She flew off the bed and grabbed the eels, she is a big lady and gave me the biggest hug ever and said NO that thieving lot of idiots (the other residents) will nick them. She then sat and chatted and made me laugh. Eleanor has dementia but the form it takes is making her calmer and more ameniable to others evidently. She is Mum's self appointed protector. My Mum on the other hand was always someone who hated confrontation and would do anything to avoid it, except if it was me on the receiving end. Mum was very happy go lucky and chatted to anyone and everyone and saw good in everyone. Mum was childlike in her love of fun. All my brother and my friends loved her because she would always be up for fun and a laugh and nothing was too much trouble for her to do. Alas not so nowdays - her dementia 9early stages apparently) seems to have taken the joy from her and she will confront anything she doesn't like. It is so sad to see someone who had such joy of life and a wonderful sense of fun change into someone who is fearful and suspicious and doesn't seem to enjoy life or having fun much anymore. We still see glimpses and Mum will still comes out with things that make us laugh but those times are getting few and far between. The most upsetting thing to me is that although Mum will readily tell off the staff if they do something she doesn't like or agree with, she never does that to me and the reason hurts me. I think Mum is afraid that I will not go to see her again if she tells me off and no amount of reassurance helps. She actually thought I would miss her birthday and didn't want a party. I would have crawled there to be with her on her special day and somewhere inside she knows that but the dementia is blocking it and it hurts to know she has tose fears at times. The old Daisy wouldn't have held back if she was upset with me - Kathleen I don't think that is very nice, Kathleen I don't like your hair - Don't think you are too old for a slap young lady'. Yes Mum does wear glasses I miss that. Edited August 5, 2008 by Kathyw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckey-lee Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 my friend from Holland (the one with the twin-girls born on same day as my Benjamin) ,her dad passed away a few months ago ,on his terms .When he was diagnosed with cancer that had spread everywhere ,he had spoken with his family and agreed that when the time came,he would decide to go the peacefull way.I was even asked to be a witness for legal reasons (as it is legal in Holland) but I was affraid that this would somehow stand between me and my friend so I kindly declined,otherwise I would have 'gladly' signed Her dad was really suffering a lot of pain towards the end to a point where even morfine didnt help anymore ,he then still had to wait 3 days before he was allowed to go safely on his journey to peace my friend and her family found it a very gentle experience,where they all had time to say goodbye and knew their dad/husband was going to be at peace ,an experience they all can have peace with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracey.s Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 I'm definately a supporter of this. I'm a community carer and some of my clients break my hearts. I have told everyone in my family should i be diagnosed with anything that would be debilitating, (sp!) and/or painful(i'm a wuss, i don't DO pain) Then, when the time is right, book me a flight and let me go. The day i can't wipe my own bum is enough for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoldenOldie Posted August 26, 2008 Report Share Posted August 26, 2008 My mum suffered from Alzeimers for the last 6 years of her life before dying very suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart attack at the age of 83. She went as she had always said she wanted to, at home in her own chair, no pain or fear and surrounded by her pets. However, she had been a fiercely proud and independent woman and had always said if she couldn't be independent through physical or mental illness she would want to have the right to die. Alzeimers is a cruel disease for the sufferers and for their carers and mum never deteriorated into incontinence or wandering which is so stressful and awful for carers who do so much willingly for their loved ones. It was only in the early stages of the illness that she expressed thoughts of not wanting to go on and was angry and sad at her failing faculties. Latterly she lived in a relatively peaceful world of her own and I was able to continue working (with the support of a brilliant manager and team colleagues) with only day care once weekly. I believe as she did, that we all have a right to make the choice if life is untenable. We have all had to make that choice for our beloved pets at one time or another to relieve physical or mental pain and to give them the dignity and peace of a gentle death. We should have the right to choose this for ourselves as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted August 26, 2008 Report Share Posted August 26, 2008 Holland seems to have found the right balance. Time to change your mind. Good decision Vivian - I am sre I would decline any such request from a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greys mum Posted August 26, 2008 Report Share Posted August 26, 2008 I'm definately a supporter of this. I'm a community carer and some of my clients break my hearts. I have told everyone in my family should i be diagnosed with anything that would be debilitating, (sp!) and/or painful(i'm a wuss, i don't DO pain) Then, when the time is right, book me a flight and let me go. The day i can't wipe my own bum is enough for me. I'm also a community carer and the times I have to tell peeps that I can't help them to pass I cannot count on 2 hands. At times it haunts me. to all that are having a tough tinme at the moment, I am thinking of you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merledogs Posted September 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2008 doG Cher, you must have some fighting spirit to have survived all that lot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted September 16, 2008 Report Share Posted September 16, 2008 just too bloody stubborn to give in I think ! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kats inc Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 This story made me think of this thread TBH I was really angry when I heard someone had reported this family and the police are looking into it.I strongly believe if this is what Dan,the young man concerned wishes were then let it be so. I hope Dan is at peace now and his family are left in peace to remember him with love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cafferysmum Posted November 6, 2008 Report Share Posted November 6, 2008 I agree that we should have the choice to let people go. My fatherinlaw had a slow and painful death and I will never forget the look on his face... However Rosie Buttons who went to the Bridge two weeks ago, went with dignity, love and surrounded by gary and i and all the dogs were in the car close by barking wishing her a safe journey, it was dignified, peaceful and she was relaxed and was surrounded by lots of loves and cuddles... shame we cant offer the same service to humans Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzeanna Posted January 26, 2009 Report Share Posted January 26, 2009 I know this thread has sat idle for a while, but I recorded A Short Stay in Switzerland last night and just watched it, through a blur of tears that ended up in floods...that poor poor woman, going through hell with her husband's illness and then to develop that one herself! I think she was exceptionally brave to take the course she did, and anyone who could turn round and say she should have accepted the illness and let it run it's course must be a sadist. Would you want to live unable to swallow without choking, unable to walk, unable to close your eyes etc? One of her daughters was very against her plan, but in the end even she accepted her mothers wishes. I just hope that one day it will be as acceptable to remove humans from their pain and suffering with love and dignity as it is now for animals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotslass Posted January 26, 2009 Report Share Posted January 26, 2009 I know this thread has sat idle for a while, but I recorded A Short Stay in Switzerland last night and just watched it, through a blur of tears that ended up in floods...that poor poor woman, going through hell with her husband's illness and then to develop that one herself! I think she was exceptionally brave to take the course she did, and anyone who could turn round and say she should have accepted the illness and let it run it's course must be a sadist. Would you want to live unable to swallow without choking, unable to walk, unable to close your eyes etc? One of her daughters was very against her plan, but in the end even she accepted her mothers wishes. I just hope that one day it will be as acceptable to remove humans from their pain and suffering with love and dignity as it is now for animals. I agree - I watched it last night. Heart-breaking. I heard yet another "palliative care specialist" being interviewed on the radio recently, saying that hospices and cancer units can ensure that patients are pain-free (so presumably they shouldn't be naughty and kill themselves). I wish I believed it but I know too many cases where it just wasn't true. I have an aunt who's had Alzheimer's for many years. At first, she used to walk endlessly around the care home, never speaking, never recognising anyone, but able to feed herself. Now she lolls in a chair, incontinent, silent, unreachable, despite the best efforts of her carers and family. How can anyone call that a life? There are huge problems about how it would work - at what stage dementia sufferers would have to make that decision, for example, since it's often difficult to make a diagnosis at an early stage - but if there's a workable system in Switzerland, why not here? Imagine the level of despair which drives people to make that final complicated journey, instead of leaving gently from their own room, their own home, their own country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trudi Posted January 26, 2009 Report Share Posted January 26, 2009 (edited) Changed my mind Edited January 26, 2009 by Trudi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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