Depression Affecting My Work

[K9Fran]

Things went from bad to worse over the weekend. OH seems to be feeling the pressure and is pushing me to go back to work (despite it being his idea in the first place to get signed off). I've also had confirmation that my birth mother doesn't want any contact from me.

 

I've gone from feeling 7/10 on Friday afternoon to 2/10. Work now want to know if I will be attending my performance review meeting on Tuesday 2nd June (that is not my mistake - that is the date they have given) I can't see that I will be mentally in a position to respond, but OH thinks I ought to, 'get back on the horse' the way I'm feeling at the moment I'll just end up having the screaming hab dabs and walking out

 

I am hoping to make an appointment with the Dr this afternoon to change my medication, have just asked OH if he will come in to the Dr with me and he's refused, says he just wants to walk away from the whole thing

[griff]

theres not really much i can say... go back to your doctors and they will see how you are..if you cry..you cry, they won't send you back to work before they feel you are ready do you have a friend who could go with you to the doctor??? i don't know what to suggest really did you manage to contact a union to see if you can get a representative to support you or was the citizens advice any help?

[K9Fran]

The Unions won't take you on until you've been a member for three months. CAB phone lines were engaged No friends in the area Was looking forward to having my oldest son's 'outlaws' coming over, but OH has said he's not in the mood for socialising (last time that happened I lost contact with the only friend I have in this area)

[Ruthi (borrowadog)]

Fran, this is only reflecting back what you've written, but....

 

You are saying that OH is feeling the pressure, so he is pressing you to go back to work even though he knows you don't feel ready. He won't come with you to the doctor, and he's spoiling the one thing you are looking forward to because 'he doesn't feel like it'. He's pulled that particular trick before, too, and as a result you lost your only friend in the area? He is also threatening to leave you?

 

I sounds like both work and OH are bullying you to me.

 

Its very easy to get the wrong idea on forums, so I am hoping that isn't really what you feel is going on. But if it is, then you need to tell the doctor about that too. Forums are a great place for letting off steam anonymously, but you won't get any real help from us here, other than 'listening'. You need to talk to your doctor, and probably to people who are your friends, wherever they are.

[K9Fran]

Thanks Ruthi, I'm due to have my second meeting with a counsellor tomorrow, last week threw up a recurring thread of 'controlling men' in my life.......

 

Dr has changed my tablets (Zoloft) and wants me to go back to work on Tuesday....

[gremlin22]

where in the country are you? maybe someone on here is nearby and can meet up with you in person. Bit odd maybe but if it gives you someone to talk to who you have shared interest with (dogs).alternativly are there any support groups near you?

 

take care

[chickentikka]

I've got to go out shortly but will pm later. Google for mental health advocacy in your area. There should be a charity offering help. It's usually around treatment but they may have some idea of helping you with your employer or offering support.

[K9Fran]

Thanks for the support peeps. you lot really are great. If anyone watches Eastenders, my OH reminds me a lot of Phil at the moment, he even threw a wobbler at the tea table tonight because the kids had cooked (with my permission) a bag of sausage rolls which had been in the freezer, left over from Christmas. He said he needed to know what food was being eaten - why I don't know, I'm the one who maintains the menu and does the shopping......

 

I'm using this as a sound off place because I don't make friends very easily, especially when I'm down.

[kats n greys]

ACAS Helpline

[safneo]

 

Where do you live Fran? There might be someone nearby who can maybe lend an ear

[phoebejo]

I'm going on holiday on Tuesday otherwise I would've been happy to drive over to be with you in the meeting. I'm a member of my union and our court case against my employer finally comes up in July. Over the past year I've had numerous meetings and have been accompanied by my union representative to them.

 

If you do go to the meeting, and I personally don't think you should, make a list of points you want to raise or facts you think might be useful to take with you. Make further notes during the meeting too. If minutes are being taken you ought to be able to look at them and if anything is incorrect you can point it out before the meeting ends.

 

:GroupHug:

[Ruthi (borrowadog)]

Fran, if you do go to the meeting, you absolutely MUST have someone with you, who takes notes. If you can't get anyone for that date, simply tell them that no-one is available on that date, and choose another when someone can go with you.

 

You will have to go sometime, unless the doc says you are not fit to go. Zoloft (sertraline) is good stuff - the best anti-depressant I have been on and believe me I've tried lots. But it takes about 3 weeks to really be effective, so there would be a good reason for delaying the meeting until then.

 

Where are you?

[Sarah_H]

As someone who is bi-polar and have spent the last 13 years on and off medication, I would suggest get some legal advice.

your illness may well be covered under the DDA which means your employers has things they need to do to facilitate you doing your job. I don't know the full details but a Legal person will be able to help you or in fact Citizans Advice.

 

People sturggle to understand how dibilitating depression can be and think your just a bit 'sad' whichm akes it tough on partners etc. Maybe get your partner to coem to counselling to help him understand what you're going through.

 

the one thing I learnt after spending too long in a relationship which was controlling and emotionally abusive was to be selfish and look after myself. I didn't and my depression went from bad to worse, only the actions of my wonderful Aunt means I'm still here today. But it was a wake up call and breaking free, doing what I needed to do was hard but I don't ever look back. It took 2 years to escape and be free but the lesson for me was I've not been on tablets since, I hold down a full time senior level role and my 'episodes' are much more manageable today without the emotional rubbish I had in my private life.

 

Work might be the reason for your depression, but be selfish and try to identify is it the only thing?

[Fee]

I'm afraid that legally you only have a right to take a colleague or a union rep to your meeting. You can ask your employer if you can take someone else, but it's at their discretion. I would strongly suggest you do ask, though, and try to get someone to go with you if they allow it - as you only have one colleague and it sounds as though he is part of the problem it would be pretty unreasonable of them to refuse.

 

Wish I could do something practical to help

[K9Fran]

I'm afraid that legally you only have a right to take a colleague or a union rep to your meeting. You can ask your employer if you can take someone else, but it's at their discretion. I would strongly suggest you do ask, though, and try to get someone to go with you if they allow it - as you only have one colleague and it sounds as though he is part of the problem it would be pretty unreasonable of them to refuse.

 

Wish I could do something practical to help

 

Hi peeps,

 

Thanks for all the thoughts and advice.

 

I'm still here, just been out for lunch with OH and some 'duck therapy' at Willen Lakes (those who know Milton Keynes will know where I mean). Feeling tons better today. I got an email yesterday from my boss which was quite chatty and pleasant. He's OK with OH coming with me (although we realise this is a concession). Problem is, as I'm going up, OH is coming down