Sarah_H Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 I know I don't come on here very often anymore, as my job keeps me more than busy. Especially as its moving to Germany next year. Anyway last week I was accused of bullying and intimidating a member of my team, it has had the worst effect on my possible. I have been signed off work with anxiety and panic attacks. This grievance is the worst possible thing, having spent a number of years being bullied, intimidated and abused in a relationship it has triggered all sorts of things for me. The doctors likened it to Post Traumatic Stress. I've been looking for some info on line but its all for supporting those being bullied, I can't find anything on those wrongly accused of bullying or anything about PTSD and being accused of bullying. Does anyone know where I can find some help and advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacobean Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 I guess you can't go into detail about this but am left wondering if it's an official accusation that has been placed which your company are dealing with or something that has been said. It's hard to think objectively when you're right in the middle of something like this. Are you a supervisor or manager by any chance? If so you are always going to have at least one disgruntled person under your wing despite your best efforts as you can't please them all. You have to be firm and fair with them all but you deal with different personalities each with their own thoughts about things. Or is it a case of something you have said has been taken out of context or the wrong way. Has something been said in an email as the written word can really trip you up. Is there any way you can have a chat with the person concerned and say that whatever it is you're supposed to have done or said really wasn't meant like that. Clean the air? Explain what it was you actually meant by your action/what you said. If it's a misunderstanding gone horribly wrong. Backing it up by saying something positive about the person. None of this may fit your problem at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackmagic Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 Do you have a union at work? If so, contact them. ACAS have a helpline which might be able to advise http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2042 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merledogs Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 No advice, but just sending lots of :GroupHug: I know you and I know you are not a bully Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 I think there are specialist counsellors who deal in PTSD , might be worth asking your GP ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple_mog Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Hey Sarah, sending lots and lots of love and hugs to you. Can I ask whereabouts you are living just now - I've had really brilliant results after just a couple of sessions with a Human Givens therapist and found it MUCH more useful than anything else I've tried over 20years of depression, anxiety and panic type attacks. http://www.hgi.org.uk/register/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah_H Posted October 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Its now formal grievance, as HR have been supporting me all the way to get this person back to work. As I've done nothing out of line and have had all my emails/letters cleared by HR and or Legal first. I was very conscious that I needed to be within our processes while trying to support her coming back. I had agreed she came back to do her old job, yet she then didn't show up was signed off sick for another month. Nothing has changed except I've tried twice to get her to attend a back to work meeting with me to agree what she'll do while working part time and then ramping up to full time. These have been done in writing with HR's agreement. Sheh asn't turned up for our last scheduled meeting and has now written a grievance on me for bullying and intimidation. While I take some support from HR... the bigger issue is my reaction to it. It has absolutely sent me off the rails. I can't work, can't even read a book. I'm awake all night in a state of anxiety. Even eating makes me anxious, I can't face anything I need to chew other wise I panic.... I've looked up Human Givens Counsellors and am going to see if theres one local, I live in Derby now. I have private medical care so am going to see if I can see a psychotherapist through that as well it might be cheaper. I just feel like I'm going mental Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple_mog Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 glad to hear you have some official support through your work and sorry for putting my nose in, but personally I would opt for HG over psychotherapy any day - faster and therefore cheaper, less painful and more immediately effective. I found psychotherapy to be long and painful and often left feeling worse. HG always gave me coping strategies, taught me good self-relaxation and self-hypnosis and did not involve raking through past trauma. whatever you decide will be right for you though and still sending you much love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah_H Posted October 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 glad to hear you have some official support through your work and sorry for putting my nose in, but personally I would opt for HG over psychotherapy any day - faster and therefore cheaper, less painful and more immediately effective. I found psychotherapy to be long and painful and often left feeling worse. HG always gave me coping strategies, taught me good self-relaxation and self-hypnosis and did not involve raking through past trauma. whatever you decide will be right for you though and still sending you much love Been looking at HG and I have to say it does appeal. I can't face going over analysising the past been there done that. SPent a long time in CBT after and during my relationsihp thought it worked but obviously hadn't!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mop Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 While I take some support from HR... the bigger issue is my reaction to it. It has absolutely sent me off the rails. I can't work, can't even read a book. I'm awake all night in a state of anxiety. Even eating makes me anxious, I can't face anything I need to chew other wise I panic.... Been there, twice I was accused by Social Services of abusing my husband, the first time was because they didn't have a clue how to communicate with him and were putting words into his mouth so he got very confused, this was made worse by 3 people putting words into his mouth at the same time, a normal person would have got confused never mind a man who had a stroke and had problems putting things together. The second was because I shouted at him, he was deaf and would't wear his hearing aid, I had to shout or he couldn't hear me. This was a couple of days after it came out that this Council had slipped up placing a child in foster care and were over reacting. I hope I never go through these times again and hope nobody else does, I thought my world had ended. It it wasn't for my dogs I don't know how I would have got through, I had Reiki the second time, that did make a very big difference. If you can have a Reiki or aromatherapy massage they will help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 no advice but for you. Try to believe in yourself,this other person is wrong,you are right. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gremlin22 Posted October 25, 2009 Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 have had counselling for ptsd after a car accident a couple of years ago. i think it was the standard nhs psychologist approach. it involved going over things time and time again, a lot of crying, a lot of hurt but in the end I did get there, but you do feel a whole lot worse before it gets better, the only difference is you feel it's ok to feel like that.. i would do it again if i had to but if i could find another way i would. Lots of hugs to you, really hope things start to get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah_H Posted October 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 Today said individual has emailed me via Bengal Cat Rescue to tell me she wants me to respond to her emails that she has sent me at work and that she has my home address and wants to see me!! Now my address is ex-directory and I have privacy on my domain names, so how on earth has she got my address (I can't find it online)? I have phoned HR at work but I'm really worried she'll just turn up here, and am in two minds whether to call the police. I am really protective of my home and have serious issues when it feels threatened which right now it does. Why when I'm accused do I feel harassed and violated?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dibs Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 I've emailed you xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 This is sounding more and more like irrational and disturbed behaviour on her part. If she feels you are bullying and intimidating you, why is she trying to make contact outside the workplace? For goodness sake only agree to see her at the workplace and in the presence of suitable people e.g. from HR dept. If you see her outside work, you could leave yourself open to more allegations. Bear in mind that whatever is disturbing her may well be nothing to do with you at all. You could simply be a handy target. Stay strong, you have protected yourself by clearing everything with HR and legal department, you have done everything by the book. Of course you are feeling harrassed, this person is harrassing you! Anyone in your situation would feel under attack. What do HR say about this latest development? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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