jackin Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 I am so sad at the moment. My son and his wife broke up and she ended up with the house and him paying 80% og his wages to his children no complaints about that but she is now dictating when and how he can see the children and if its a family party or wedding on our side of the family will not let the children go even his 40 birthday party. at the same school the cousins are not allowed to speak which is horrid for them as only six years old and cannot under stand why. The marriage broke down due to just falling out of love and neither party has anyone else but it breaks our heart that her family are allowed to have the chidlren and we are not and yet when babies I was the the one that had them three times a week while they worked. Son takes the whole family away on holiday abroad ex wife included and yet not allowed come to our caravan. All we want is to be their grandparents and have the same contact as their mothers family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redditchlady Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 That is awful Jacki What people forget to realise is the kiddies get hurt too. Ok marriages break up, but I really think it is unfair to stop the kiddies seeing relatives whatever has happened within the marriage. Kazz xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 There are certain members of my family at this. I think it's disgusting that anyone should use a child as weapon & I'm afraid I just wouldn't put up with it. You may like to have a look at this site http://www.grandparents-association.org.uk/about.asp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mooandboo Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Jacki :GroupHug: I'm not very fond of my MIL (being polite here - I've put up with a lot believe me) but I would never stop Ceri from seeing her and FIL because of how I feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yantan Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Jacki I am so sorry that things have turned out so badly Marion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greytgirl Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Im so sorry for your situation..I have a 6 year old daughter whom my parents dote on and adore. I wish my mil and fil were the same as yourselves, as they have shown little interest since she was born, taken her nowhere and can count on one hand the times they have babysat but still I would never stop them seeing Katie as she is my priority and it would be unfair on her just as much as them I truly hope the situation is resolved for you as I know the utter heartbreak my parents would feel under the same circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phoebejo Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 I split up with Daisys biological father, Mark, when I was three months pregnant with her. He has chosen to have very little to do with her, and he'll have to live with the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life. I have never said a bad word about him to Daisy but from a very young age she realised he's a spineless selfish idiot. His parents were very supportive of me throughout my pregnancy and have continued to be so. When I lived in MK they saw Daisy every week almost without fail. When she was little she'd spend every Tuesday at their house and when she started school she'd still go to their house for dinner after school on Tuesdays. Now every time we go to MK we pop in to see them and Daisy often stays with them in the school holidays. Mark is the youngest of six children and all of his brothers and sisters have been just as great as his parents. They all adore Daisy and she has around 14 cousins to play with! Mark has behaved terribly and I made a decision while I was pregnant that there was no way I'd stoop to his level of silliness. When Daisy is an adult I want her to look back and see that I did everything I could to make her a part of his family, that I never caused trouble or stopped anybody from seeing her. I've been with Ian since Daisy was a few weeks old. When Ian moved in with me Mark said that as Ian was supporting us financially that it was a matter for my conscience if I pushed for maintenance from him for Daisy (he was always skint, would rather buy booze & fags than clothes for his child). Oh Mark, my conscience is entirely clear! I wonder if his is? Jacki I'm so sorry you're being treated like this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JACKYSIAN Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 My ex BIL wouldn't let the kids come to my Naine (my grandma's) funeral last month because it was 'his' week. My sister tried to make him understand that this was their great-grandma who meant a huge amount to all our family but he kept saying 'it's my week..it's my week'. My 10 year old neice said last weekend when she came to visit that she would never forgive him for that, all she wanted to do was to go and see her Naine and say goodbye. I hope he's proud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotslass Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Jacki, has your son tried this organisation? http://www.nfm.org.uk/index.php?page=Home I have a friend who's a counsellor for the Scottish equivalent of this service, and they help families put the children's needs first. Children need to have access to both sides of the family, whatever the parents may feel about each other, and grandparents are terribly important for a child's stability. You won't be able to approach the organisation yourself, probably, but your son can explain the situation to them and see whether things can be improved. On a personal note, my children had free access to their grandparents on both sides after our divorce, and my ex's parents were a constant source of love and support to them as they grew up. I hope your grandchildren are back in your lives soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greys mum Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 for you Jackie. When I split with hubby, I made sure that my children saw both sides of the family. When my son split from his G/F I am so glad that I am able to see my grand-daughter regularly and I still have a good relationship with his ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackin Posted July 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 thanks for the support its really helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendywoo1972 Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Sorry to hear about your situation It is no secret between my MIL and myself that we really do not like each other. Since Lydia has been born though I have really made a big effort to ensure that her paternal grandparents have a good relationship and feel involved in her life. Now we no longer live in Sweden they do not get to see her but I make sure that I send lots of photos at least one or two a week and I also video her each month throughout the month and send them a dvd at the end of the month so they can see her and feel involved in how she is progressing and advancing. I know it is not the same as being able to see her but I hope it goes someway to keep them in touch with her life. Even though I know there is no love lost between me and my MIL I do recognise that she is a caring Grandparent who would never ignore her Grandchild because of our feelings towards one and other so therefore feel that it is not my place right or wish to stand in the way of Lydia and her extended family. I hope that the childrens Mother will see that she is only hurting her children in the long run and come around to be more kind and fair to you soon. Unfortunatly though their is so many people out there after divorces/breakups where they stop looking at the best for the children. As we so well know from how things have worked out with Johans eldest children because his ex wife thinks of herself first above the children, but that is all a whole different subject. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReikiAnge Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 That is really sad Jacki, for you and for the children involved Can't believe they are not even allowed to speak to their cousins at school, how awful for them. As it's happening on school grounds, is there no way the school could get involved and explain it's detrimental to the children's development, health etc.? I think in your situation, there's no reason on earth for the children not to have contact. We don't have children yet, but when we do, if Rob and I should ever not be together, I just can't imagine stopping Rob's parents from seeing our children, and certainly their cousin(s). I think there are times when there are valid reasons for grandparents not to see children, just as for some parents I'm sure, but I think this is just a dreadfully sad situation for those involved, with no justification on the mother's part at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie No Dots Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 IMHO a big thing for her is probably the age old question of "what if when they are older the kids want to go and live with their dad?" Theres nothing worse for a parent imho, to be *rejected* like that and many parents greatest fear if divorced. By refusing access shes likely to actually cause that but its still a huge concern for any parents and its hard to allow them to have fun without you (incase they decide they prefer dad to mum!) Dunno if you tried this but if you havent, contact her yourself and ask if you can go to her for a day and see the kids, maybe even take them out. Tell her the truth, that you miss them. Start small and aim high. Sounds like theres some resentment of some sort but hopefully if she realises your not all involved in the split and just want to see the kids on occasion she will let you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyM Posted July 25, 2007 Report Share Posted July 25, 2007 I'm so sorry this is happening with you Jacki In my kids' cases I won't ever allow their paternal grandparents access, for very good reason. This would be a lot different in other circumstances, but my kids will obviously be able to make their own minds up when the time is right. It's the same with their father, they never want to see him again, and that's great with me. However, in cases where it's not warranted to keep them apart, it's very sad when people won't allow grandparents access. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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