Parental Roles

[greytgirl]

I am with Moo and Boo, I have never left my son with anyone other than his nan and grandad, and I don't really understand all this stuff about me time. I had my son when 19, I knew that it would involve me and Mark loosing a lot of our social life, so be it. Liam came everywhere with us and if Liam was not welcome then we didn't go. IMO and this could be construed as harsh, I am sorry, nobody is forced to have children, if you feel that you want a lot of time without them than don't have them, its very easy in this day and age to prevent them. Leaving little children on their own like that is criminal, I do feel sorry for the parents but, again I feel that it is a situation which should never have occured. My son was left when he was around 12 I think.

I work with people whose children are in childcare, it takes most of the salary of the person who is working, what on earth is the point of this.

 

 

I agree, Im the first to want a good time and booze up with my friends..me time, but in that instance I make provisions for my daughter..ie: nanny and grandad..if this option is not there for me then Im afraid 'me time' and myself becomes the lesser priority. I am married and can not comment on how hard it must be to be single parent, but the point here in THIS case, they were not single parents, they were a couple, who had NO need to leave the kids..I have often been away with other couples and my daughter has been at the side of me laid back, covered up with a blanket, fast asleep in her buggy and thats as far away from me she goes.

Comparing it to being in the other room and it happening, and watching kids 24/7.. then sorry its different, of course you have to go in different rooms but to purposely go OUT of the same building for any length of time is a TOTALLY different matter to me. I too have sat in my back garden whilst my daughter at 4, 5 and 6 has been upstairs in bed BUT the front door has been locked, so no one can enter, NOT left ajar as I believe this the case here

We all do things differently and if the safety of our children is the priority then no judgement should be passed, even if we don't agree..but if we purposely put our children in a situation of possible risk then it is wrong, no matter what angle you look at it from.

[Kaos]

He's been wonderful company from the start & I've no doubt will continue to be so.

 

I used to feel like that......then came the 'teenage years'!

 

 

I am with Moo and Boo, I have never left my son with anyone other than his nan and grandad, and I don't really understand all this stuff about me time.

Liam came everywhere with us and if Liam was not welcome then we didn't go.

nobody is forced to have children, if you feel that you want a lot of time without them than don't have them, its very easy in this day and age to prevent them. Leaving little children on their own like that is criminal, I do feel sorry for the parents but, again I feel that it is a situation which should never have occured.

 

Couldn't agree with you more Elricc.

I do realise that my thoughts and opinions on the reasons for having children, and their care, do not necessarily meet with those of the wider population, but I make no apology for them.

For many reasons, I thought very carefully before bringing a child into this world, one of those being whether I was prepared to commit (at least) 18 years of my life to him.

Having made the decision, 'me / adult' time became a thing of the past, or at least put on hold, along with many other things.

IMO, selfishness and parenting don't go well together.

 

It is encouraging to read that the police have a suspect, and (reading between the lines), I feel they may well know more than they are making public?

I just hope that little Madeleine is safe, being treated well, and her terrifying ordeal is soon over.

 

My thoughts are with you and you family.

[mooandboo]

I used to feel like that......then came the 'teenage years'!

 

I did wonder if I might be tempting fate when I typed that

[Melp]

When I was 5 years old my mother left me in charge of my sisters. One was 4 and the other less than a year old. Not only did she leave us, she went for 8 days.

Social services were alerted when a neighbour saw me stealing milk from her doorstep to feed the baby.

That was in 1970 and we were rmoved from the home never to return [there were also other issues]

 

2 years ago my middle sister went on holiday to Australia leaving 3 of her 4 children behind. The eldest was a 13 year old boy, the youngest 4. She left them £50 for shopping and went for 2 weeks with no forwarding number.

I reported her. Her children weren't taken from her but in my mind they should have been even if it was only to bring them here. She was damn lucky but we've not spoken since. Luckily for her I got a freind of hers in to look after the kids.

 

Do I leave my kids? NEVER.

[Elaine]

Ro now has the occassional sleepover at a friend's house - and that's okay because I know the parents and I trust them to look after him the way I would . Prior to that he'd never been left with anyone other than my parents. Now his father and I have split up, I just organise to go out when he's with his Dad, and vice versa. I am ultra paranoid on holiday with him and never let him out my sight for a minute - the last couple of times we've been on holiday it's just been him and me, so I even take him into the ladies loo with me (even though he's now nearly 10 ). I don't care about the disapproving looks though - he's my most precious thing and I'm not risking ANYTHING that I could have prevented by being more cautious.

 

Unfortunately, his Dad has taken to leaving him in the house alone whilst he nips to the shops - he says "Oh, it's fine, I was only away 10 minutes". I don't CARE you were only away 10 minutes - he shouldn't be left. And if he doesn't listen to me, then he's going to find out the hard way that I mean what I say when I tell him NEVER to leave him on his own.

[phoebejo]

I've been thinking about this last night. There are two seperate issues. I'm not sure of the statistics but I'm sure you're more likely to win the lottery than to have a random stranger enter your home or hotel room and abduct your child. What is far more likely, and is the reason I have never left my children, is that they may wake and need help. Molly frequently suffers from nosebleeds, mostly at night. I can imagine her distress if she woke up and couldn't find me or Ian. Likewise if Emily had a nightmare or Daisy was sick. They can sleep soundly in the knowledge that if anything happened, they could come to us. There is nothing wrong with sitting in the garden while our children sleep, we're still there if needed. What isn't acceptable is for a child to wake up, need an adult and for them to be nowhere near. Not because of the risk of abduction, but because it's a failure of the most basic needs.

[ingipops]

I am a single parent to an 11 year old. He is much loved and the most important thing in my world. I adore spending time with him but also enjoy spending time WITHOUT him!

My 'me time' my 'adult company' time is a recharge batteries and relax time and is very important to me!

Selfish? no I don't think so...more like self preservation!!

[Ian]

*ahem* Maybe I'm taking that the wrong way, but lots of single parents are a) professionals and b) wouldn't leave their kids alone.

 

For years I've done everything I can to dismiss the common misconceptions on single parents. I'm a bit concerned where this thread is leading in respect of that...

 

 

Sorry but I think you have indeed misunderstood me there. Whilst it's not my ideal and I will do my utmost to make sure my children - I hope I sahall still be lucky enough to have any - don't ever grow up as part of a single parent home my own parents split when I was 12.

 

My intention was not to infer anything of single parents - I've known some extremely loving and protective ones - but to answer the suggestion from some of the above single parents that this particular couple didn't have any choice in their actions.

 

I also agree with Cycas that the perpetrator of this abduction is responsible - I've made no secret of my views in various threads what I would do with / to paedophiles, rapists & their like but I again suggest that a responsible parent in the room with the child faced and with someone attempting to break in and harm or abduct their child would fight with their lives.

[Ian]

When I was 5 years old my mother left me in charge of my sisters. One was 4 and the other less than a year old. Not only did she leave us, she went for 8 days.

Social services were alerted when a neighbour saw me stealing milk from her doorstep to feed the baby.

That was in 1970 and we were rmoved from the home never to return [there were also other issues]

 

 

2 years ago my middle sister went on holiday to Australia leaving 3 of her 4 children behind. The eldest was a 13 year old boy, the youngest 4. She left them £50 for shopping and went for 2 weeks with no forwarding number.

I reported her. Her children weren't taken from her but in my mind they should have been even if it was only to bring them here. She was damn lucky but we've not spoken since. Luckily for her I got a freind of hers in to look after the kids.

 

Do I leave my kids? NEVER.

 

[Ian]

I've been thinking about this last night. What isn't acceptable is for a child to wake up, need an adult and for them to be nowhere near. Not because of the risk of abduction, but because it's a failure of the most basic needs.

 

 

Phoebejo In this and your earlier response you sum up exactly the point I was trying to make in the original thread!

 

 

Elaine I believe that a child should ideally know the love of both parents but where one parent detracts from their best interests it sadly isn't always possible so in those sentiments I'd applaud you.

 

 

Ignipops I wasn't criticising parents having anytime whatsoever away from their child - providing that arrangements that the other parent or appropriate adult (eg gran) is there to care for the childs needs are in place. The sentiment / love you express for child is laudable.

[ingipops]

Ignipops I wasn't criticising parents having anytime whatsoever away from their child - providing that arrangements that the other parent or appropriate adult (eg gran) is there to care for the childs needs are in place. The sentiment / love you express for child is laudable.

my post wasn't directed at anyone Ian

[cindere528]

I even take him into the ladies loo with me (even though he's now nearly 10 ). I don't care about the disapproving looks though - he's my most precious thing and I'm not risking ANYTHING that I could have prevented by being more cautious.

You're not on your own Elaine, I used to do that too. We used to go on caravan holidays and Duncan always had to come in the ladies showers with me. He didn't like it, other women didn't like it, but I wasn't leaving him on his own and I certainly wasn't going to let him go in the mens' toilets/showers on his own. Thank God for more modern caravans that had their own showers/toilets by the time he reached puberty

[greyhound pal]

Sorry but I think you have indeed misunderstood me there. Whilst it's not my ideal and I will do my utmost to make sure my children - I hope I sahall still be lucky enough to have any - don't ever grow up as part of a single parent home my own parents split when I was 12.

 

It may sound the ideal to grow up in a family with Mum and Dad but reality is very very different. I suppose in the ideal world that may be nice but reality is that, certainly in my case, some children are in a better position in a single parent home than to have both parents around. Staying together for the kids (I tried it for a while) doesn't work and irrespective of what you think you would do, it can't create a healthy environment where kids thrive. What isn't healthy is that my ex still sees my youngest once a fortnight - or is supposed to. Yesterday was the fifth time in a row he hasn't turned up - he's only seeing her once a fortnight I feel that she'd be better off without him in her life than to live with the constant rejection... Anyway I digress

 

I have never left my children with anyone other than my parents or my brother. They do have a registered childminder (which causes more than a few fights in here with nearly 15 year old daughter) because I work full time. I get my 'me' time but holidays, in particular are 'our' time where we do things as a family. But then we don't do resort holidays and I do get holidays away from kids and my parents look after them.

 

I agree with Phoebejo's post that its not just abduction that worries me - its them waking up to find I'm not there.

[amanda72]

I will leave my three boys at most for three four hours, if I am in work, but they have my works number, mobile number and relatives who live very close by.

My sons are 18, 16 and 14

 

I have left my eldest on his own over night once, my other two where staying at their grandparents house, but I was constantly phoning home making sure my eldest was ok, to his annoyance.

[Kathyw]

I think there is a world of difference between sitting in your garden having a drink/bbq with a baby monitor and making the choice of going for a meal and checking hourly on three babies. Anyone watching your house would know you were there and therefore surely would not take the risk.

 

Me time - fair enough but only if your children are with someone you trust implicitely, grandparents etc - never when they will be left alone.

 

Everywhere people are talking about this and without fail everyone thought the parents let their children down and one man said 'Please God the little girl comes back safe and sound but will she ever trust her parents totally again? The fear that baby must have felt doesn't bear thinking about.