JoC Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 In some ways I'd find a 'meaningless' sexual betrayal worse than an emotional one. If the sex meant nothing, but risked destroying my marriage then I would obviously mean even less than nothing. If meaningless sex was prioritised above my feelings, then that would mean a lot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trallwm farm Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 I agree with everthing Bebe said. I believe men are just as bad as women, apparently it takes two to tango, so the saying goes. I appreciate most on here are indeed women and have expressed their opinions I may as well go ahead and express mine. There are some very good points on here, and just to let you know I don't speak for men on this subject, just this man. Cheating is wrong, it's destructive, deceitful and damaging so who is to blame, the single person or the attached one, in my eyes both are to blame, however if the married one lies about their status then quite possible all the blame lies there, at least for a while, if the singleton carrys on then guilt by association seems appropriate. There have been lots of time when I have been in relationships it has been, quite literally 'offered to me on a plate' and not once did I even think about it for a second. I don't profess to have the moral high ground or consider myself whiter than white, it's just that when I am with someone then I am with someone, end of story. Maybe it's my upbringing and the influence my parents had and still have on my life to this day, who knows !!! Some lines you cross, some you don't and this is one of them (for me anyway).. What a rare man you are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 I think I must be the odd one out on here as I would feel totally insulted if a partner had a meaningless fling with someone he didn't care about, but would understand if he had deep feelings for someone else. And there are far worse betrayals than an affair. There are marriages/partnerships which only survive because they are propped up by a third party. One could say they would be better to fail, but life isn't that simple. To give a theoretical example: two people get on quite well together, successfully sharing their life and raising children. One likes sex and the other just about tolerates it. The person who likes it seeks it elsewhere, out of a wish not to impose it on partner or through being persistently rejected. Would breaking up the home be a better solution, and who would benefit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trallwm farm Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 (edited) Well....there are always the services of a prostitute if its just for sex. I would think men may well start off with the offer of free sex and saving a few quid . I think its the dishonesty and theft of someones life that people mostly object to. When you have built a life and invested in it. Edited January 14, 2007 by Trallwm farm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bebe Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 (edited) i dont think its as "black & white" as some folk would like to think. there are often two sides toevery story. I speak as someone who was involved with a married man, but weare now a couple & have now been together for years & very happy. despite what some folk mon here have said, he wasnt sprnding money on me or dinning me or anything else like that, we just enjoyed each others company & as his marriage was so completely hopeless (all his family were delighted when he left his wife fo me so that tells you something!!! ) then please dont alwayys assume that its black & white. In my opinion he shouldve left his Wife BEfore you, not FOR you. And no-one knows what might have been the outcome if he hadnt met you, the marrage might have survived and it might not have been "hopeless". His Wife will never know though, because a 3rd person came into the relationship and helped hammer the nail in the coffin..... Can you trust him not to do the same to you if your relationship becomes "hopeless" in his eyes? Edited January 14, 2007 by bebe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherlock Bones Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 In the same vein... If my ex hadn't met someone else (before we split) I'd never know how happy I could be NOW. I thank him now for the fact that he met someone else, because if he hadn't, I'd have stayed. And now I have a life that is so much better and happier, all because he couldn't keep it in his trousers. You can only do what your heart tells you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trallwm farm Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 In my opinion he shouldve left his Wife BEfore you, not FOR you. And no-one knows what might have been the outcome if he hadnt met you, the marrage might have survived and it might not have been "hopeless". His Wife will never know though, because a 3rd person came into the relationship and helped hammer the nail in the coffin..... Can you trust him not to do the same to you if your relationship becomes "hopeless" in his eyes? High Five Bebe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sam Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 In my opinion he shouldve left his Wife BEfore you, not FOR you. Can you trust him not to do the same to you if your relationship becomes "hopeless" in his eyes? yes 100% with my life thanks Why do most folk assume everything comes down to sex it doesnt. there is more to a marriage or a relationship than that!! Luckily my chap & i have much more than that & have done so right from before we were a "legal" couple....infact sex has never realy been any part of either out "affair", his marriage or our relationship.....its to do wtih wanting to just do stuff together, similar stuff we both enjoy (like today we have been out on hound excercise twice, stalked 16 red hinds, two foxes and a roe buck.... His ex wife would have spent the day on her lardy butt watching day time telly!!!!!) Infact we were only talking today about how few folk there are who do so much stuff together like we do and enjoy doing it together! I fuly understand how some can consider it wrong, their perogative, but not everyone is the same and there are often facts you know nothing about in peoples relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trallwm farm Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 like today we have been out on hound excercise twice, stalked 16 red hinds, two foxes and a roe buck.... His ex wife would have spent the day on her lardy butt watching day time telly!!!!!) Not enjoying bloodsports can hardly be seen as credible excuse for someones infidelity. Sorry but you should have used a more sensible example Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 Wouldn't blame his ex-wife for not participating in blood sports. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
border collie Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 (edited) edited cos off topic Edited January 14, 2007 by border collie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 Can we keep on topic please? This is a thread about the rights and wrongs of AFFAIRS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 I agree with everthing Bebe said. I believe men are just as bad as women, apparently it takes two to tango, so the saying goes. I appreciate most on here are indeed women and have expressed their opinions I may as well go ahead and express mine. There are some very good points on here, and just to let you know I don't speak for men on this subject, just this man. Cheating is wrong, it's destructive, deceitful and damaging so who is to blame, the single person or the attached one, in my eyes both are to blame, however if the married one lies about their status then quite possible all the blame lies there, at least for a while, if the singleton carrys on then guilt by association seems appropriate. There have been lots of time when I have been in relationships it has been, quite literally 'offered to me on a plate' and not once did I even think about it for a second. I don't profess to have the moral high ground or consider myself whiter than white, it's just that when I am with someone then I am with someone, end of story. Maybe it's my upbringing and the influence my parents had and still have on my life to this day, who knows !!! Some lines you cross, some you don't and this is one of them (for me anyway).. I agree with everything Bebe said too. It is so good to hear the above quote from a bloke too!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 I have a friend of many years standing who had a fling once. Her husband knows nothing about it as it would break his heart. They have a solid relationship now built on many years together. The blip was happened when she was very low and hubby was distant with her. She said she should have confronted him instead of 'taking the easy way out'. Her words not mine. I was shocked when she told me as I thought she would never do anything like that, I knew at the time things were difficult between them we talked endlessly about it. When she hinted at someone paying her attention I just dismissed it out of hand saying 'that's never the answer' never dreaming for her, at that time, it was. But it taught me that this can happpen to anyone. But the 'easy way out' was no such thing as even now, many years after the fling, she still worries about hubby finding out and the hurt it would cause him. So she is paying for a moment's bad judgement even now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bebe Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 What a rare man you are Too right!!! Someones a very lucky laydee yes 100% with my life thanks Why do most folk assume everything comes down to sex it doesnt. there is more to a marriage or a relationship than that!! Luckily my chap & i have much more than that & have done so right from before we were a "legal" couple....infact sex has never realy been any part of either out "affair", his marriage or our relationship.....its to do wtih wanting to just do stuff together, similar stuff we both enjoy (like today we have been out on hound excercise twice, stalked 16 red hinds, two foxes and a roe buck.... His ex wife would have spent the day on her lardy butt watching day time telly!!!!!) Infact we were only talking today about how few folk there are who do so much stuff together like we do and enjoy doing it together! I fuly understand how some can consider it wrong, their perogative, but not everyone is the same and there are often facts you know nothing about in peoples relationships. If it was a choice between Jeremy Kyle or Hunting animals, Id be sat on my lardy ass too. Did he have Children with his Wife? I feel sorry for her, it sounds as if all his Family were against her too, if they encouraged him to leave her for you. Im trying not to judge, I dont know you and you situation, but having been on the other end of this, even if the relationship doesnt seem to be working its a huge sense of betrayal to find out someone you love is having an affair. So many lies have to be told to maintain an affair, its humiliating and degrading for the person being lied to. If he was so unhappy with his Wife, why didnt he move out, why wait untill he had someone else lined up? Can I ask you how long you were together before he left his Wife for you? Did you actually know his Wife? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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