snow Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 When I went to lunch with the vicar on Wednesday much hilarity took place, especially when we got onto the subject of the things children say or do to embarrass their parents, naturally the vicar said it was far worse for him and went on to prove it ... His son is 5 years old, he wants a pair of binoculars for Christmas, only he can't say binoculars, this week in school the teacher went round the class asking each child what they wanted santa to bring them, the vicars son answered that he hoped santa would bring him a pair of knockers I told my mil this story and she said she could beat that ... my nephew is also 5 years old, my MIl always says "ecky thump" rather than swearing... she went to collect him from school on Monday, he came running out to the gates where allllllll the other parents were and shouted "granny does ecky thump mean the same as f****** hell?" So whats your funny stories? Doesn't have to be kids, dogs, cats, husbands etc all welcome - share the cringe! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spins4me Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 I told my mil this story and she said she could beat that ... my nephew is also 5 years old, my MIl always says "ecky thump" rather than swearing... she went to collect him from school on Monday, he came running out to the gates where allllllll the other parents were and shouted "granny does ecky thump mean the same as f****** hell?" So whats your funny stories? Doesn't have to be kids, dogs, cats, husbands etc all welcome - share the cringe! That made me laugh so much I nearly choked. Years ago we were having a drink in a pub garden with friends and all our kids. My son came over carrying something in his cupped hands and shouted excitedly, Mum, look at this beetle it's got great big testicles (tentacles) on its head." PS This thread should have a "Not for those with a dodgy pelvic floor warning". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greys mum Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 Got on the bus when my eldest daughter was about 3. At the top of her voice asked why the lady was dirty? Hadn't she had a wash? The lady was black and one of my best friends. She thought it was really funny. I cringed. The rest of the people on the bus were horrified. My friend has never let me forget it and she still laughs about it to this day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 (edited) at Snow Embarrassing, Greysmum! Edited December 18, 2009 by Ian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackmagic Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 At a family gathering,my four year old passed wind rather loudly. He then announced to everybody 'Oh, my bottom is speaking to me' My father nearly swallowed his pipe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura_E Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 A few classics that I was responsible for saying as a child. Around Sunday luch one time I told my grandad to stop being such a nymphomaniac as he was complaining about being ill. I was eight at the time and had clearly meant to say hypochondriac, I have no idea where I got nyphomaniac from! At the same dinner I also referred to the Dulux dog as the Durex dog! Then when I was six my dad took me to the panto and it had got to that part in the play where all the children repeatedly say 'he's behind you'. Noticing my bemused expression my dad tried to encourage me to join in, at which stage I turned to him and said in a rather precocious manner "be quiet father, the man's clearly an idiot" I have never been able to live that down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mum24dog Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 Got on the bus when my eldest daughter was about 3. At the top of her voice asked why the lady was dirty? Hadn't she had a wash? The lady was black and one of my best friends. She thought it was really funny. I cringed. The rest of the people on the bus were horrified. My friend has never let me forget it and she still laughs about it to this day. I'm told that I did the same as child in the early 50s. To be fair, I probably hadn't seen a black person before where we lived in the Peak District. My eldest was a bit more polite and just commented that one of her friends was "all browny". Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judith gsd Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 We went to look at a house when my son was around 4 years old. He asked me if the man of the house was having a baby! Just because he was carrying a little bit of a tummy! Unfortunately, he didn't say it quietly. Oooopps! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EGAR Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 We went to look at a house when my son was around 4 years old. He asked me if the man of the house was having a baby! Just because he was carrying a little bit of a tummy! Unfortunately, he didn't say it quietly. Oooopps! Only happened last week, he told his teacher that Mommy bought a vibrating "thingy" with batteries, what he forgot to mention was the fact that it was.... ...a toothbrush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spins4me Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 I was telling OH about this thread and he reminded me of when I was teaching in a special school and had a class of 7 year olds. As part of a theme about families we were discussing names and most of them didn't realise that their parents had a name other than "Mummy" or "Daddy". One little boy was struggling with this so I asked him what his Mummy's name was, he answered, "Mummy." So I said "Yes but Mummy has another name. You call her Mummy but what does Daddy call her?" He gave me a lovely smile and said, "Dulie" (Julie). "Aha", I think, "I'm winning here." So I asked, "And what's Daddy's name?. He answered "Daddy." So I said, "Yes, but Daddy has another name. You call him Daddy but what does Mummy call him?" Again came the lovely smile, "Doopid prat," he said. It was an unforgettable moment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fee Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 Alice aged about 3 had recently seen her first cinema file - 101 Dalmatians - which had obviously made a strong impression. A few days later we were standing in a queue in the bank behind someone in a fur coat and she piped up very loudly in a horrified voice "Mummy is that lady's coat made out of dead animals?" That's my girl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 My sister aged 4, in a museum with classical statues adorned with the traditional figleaves: "They made those statues all wrong. Boys don't have leaves there, they have willies." And again, in Selfridges where a very posh sales assistant had a couple of ash blonde streaks in her dark hair: "Why does that lady look like a badger?" Love the beetle story, Spins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billydog Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 I managed to embarrass my parents rather spectacularly aged about 5 in a restaurant Apparently, in that piercing voice small children have which manages to but through any other conversation, I announced “I know what periods are†Cue red faces and a general hush in the restaurant, followed by a sigh of relief when I added “there are sunny periods, rainy periods...†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ziltha Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 I was telling OH about this thread and he reminded me of when I was teaching in a special school and had a class of 7 year olds. As part of a theme about families we were discussing names and most of them didn't realise that their parents had a name other than "Mummy" or "Daddy". One little boy was struggling with this so I asked him what his Mummy's name was, he answered, "Mummy." So I said "Yes but Mummy has another name. You call her Mummy but what does Daddy call her?" He gave me a lovely smile and said, "Dulie" (Julie). "Aha", I think, "I'm winning here." So I asked, "And what's Daddy's name?. He answered "Daddy." So I said, "Yes, but Daddy has another name. You call him Daddy but what does Mummy call him?" Again came the lovely smile, "Doopid prat," he said. It was an unforgettable moment! I had something similar when I asked a child what her mummy's name was. She replied "Mummy". I said "What does Daddy call her". The answer was, "Sexy" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gremlin22 Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 A bloke i used to work with on the local crew setting up for concerts had a 4 yr old kid. This bloke used to go off on tour with bands and stuff and had loads of tattoos. Apparently the kid had a "what jobs your parents do" day type thing and when asked what his dad did, instead of saying the usual kind of thing and much to the teachers horror, his little lad stood there and said "my dad does sex, drugs and rock n roll"..i laughed so much when he told me that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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