Trying Again After A Loss?

[LisaLQ]

For those who've gone through the loss of a pet, I just wondered - when did you work out when it was time to try again and not just your loss making you feel like you wanted to adopt another?

 

It's not even two weeks since we lost Sky, so rationally I know it's far too soon, but I cant stop myself looking at the rehoming pages and wondering what if. But then there's another part of me petrified of trying again and failing, as we have so much going "against" us (5 kids, pet rats, Blu the dane and no transport to visit places), I know it'd be impossible to find another dog who'd fit as well as Sky did.

 

But Blu misses her (as we all do), and I want what's best for him, and knowing how long it'll take to find another kid/small animal friendly laid back girl, let alone locally, etc, I dont know when it'd be right to start looking again. If at all.

 

I'm torn. On one hand I'm desperate to adopt another. On the other I'm scared witless of it going wrong. And on the other (yes, I have three hands!), I dont know whether it's my grief or a genuine urge to adopt another for the right reasons.

 

I'm not looking for answers for me - yet. But I'd like to know what other peoples' experiences were when they lost a pet and when they decided to try again.

[kimmy]

Hi Lisa, so sorry to hear about the sad loss of Sky. I can only tell you how I deal with it when we lose a dog, and a lot of people would perhaps disagree. The only way I can cope is to get another dog as soon as possible after losing one. It's not to replace that dog, but to ease the hurt and the pain and to give another dog a chance of happiness. My reasoning is, why is it right to feel so bad and full of pain, when a dog somewhere needs me? Of course I wouldn't go out and get a puppy the next day or something, but all the dogs we get are rescue ones, and usually older too. It doesn't make the pain disappear, but I always think that if my dog who died could talk to me now, they would want me to help another poor soul.

 

This probably sounds like a load of rubbish, but it's the only way I cope without going into depression each time we lose a dog. Everyone is different though, so you have to do what you feel is right for you and your family.

 

Good luck, and best wishes in whatever you decide.

 

 

Jackie

[Jacobean]

It's different each time. I have lost dogs and said never again but relented when a dog has gotten to me. With having multiples for so many years I've never gone down to none. I've added a few months later. When I lost my last dog in June I wanted another of her breed as soon as possible. I'm not in a position to do that yet as I have a dog here with issues that need to be sorted first.

 

There will be another dog out there that suits your set up. When or where that dog is. Who knows.

Edited October 2, 2008 by Jacobean

[Peachy]

This is one of those tough situations where there is no right or wrong answer because everyone is different. I think only you'll know when it's right.

 

Like Jackie, I feel the need to adopt again fairly quickly. Last year, I lost my beloved boy on 2 September and I collected Ronnie on 14 October. I was homechecked and visited him for the first time in between that.

 

It felt very strange having a gap when there are so many dogs desperate for the right home, too strange for me. If I wasn't the right home for Ronnie, I wouldn't have started looking when I did because I also think these things are sometimes just meant to be. The legacy that was left was to find a home for a dog that needed me, I mean really needed me. The difficult one, the odd one, the ugly one, the one that was left for too long. Ronnie was odd, beautiful to me but ugly to others, waiting too long in kennels, had a physical disability. He was perfect, both to me and for me. That's why he came home.

 

I won't deny it was difficult for the first few days because the date also coincided with my Reggie's gotcha day by two days. Who's to say that I wouldn't have felt like that at any time though?

 

If you need to wait, then wait. If you think the time is right for you and everyone else, then discuss it. Just make sure you do what's right for you.

 

Still thinking of you

[rustyfudge]

I lost my beloved dog Florence in May, I wasnt sure we were ready for another dog, but Bridie came along in July and now we couldnt imagine life without her. It helped because I knew she needed a home, and we could provide her with a forever home here. Being mum to her has given me a purpose. I dont miss Florrie any less, but Bridie never fails to bring a smile to my face.

 

for you

Edited October 2, 2008 by rustyfudge

[owl]

I've always adopted fairly quickly where a loss has meant there was now only one dog. It was only 4 weeks between Mojo and Humphrey because remaining puli Amy was on serious hunger strike. 5 months between Amy and Polly, because I wasn't really looking but then Polly needed somewhere to be and was so obviously right.

 

My sis adopted her current staffy Sugar only a week after losing her previous old girl to Cushings. She was concerned that people would disapprove, but felt that as they intended to have another one anyway it was pointless to wait with so many staffies in need.

 

Obviously you have many commitments to consider so it may be quite a while before you find the dog who would be right for your household. I see nothing wrong in keeping your eyes peeled from now on.

[Sherlock Bones]

Again for me it's been different each time. After my first died, I waited a year. When the second went, I had a foster who stayed...it seemed right. The third... it was the week he died that I broached the subject, 3 weeks after that I made a firm decision and my pup arrived six weeks after he'd gone. My only concern each time was that I wasn't replacing the one who'd left. I don't like having a dog who is similar to the last, I like to have totally and utterly different dogs and I would reluctantly have more than two of the same breed for that very reason - the ones who have gone are too individual for that, in my eyes, though I appreciate others like the same breed each time. More importantly is how any new dog would interact with your existing pets. Cassie was quite clearly deeply mourning when Dougal left and she is just alight with life again now with Muppet here, it's a joy to see. Oddly saying that I go for a different dog each time, this time, with a totally different breed and temperament, and age, and looks, I have a boy who reminds me so much of Dougal that sometimes I catch my breath in surprise. Somehow I think that's Dougal's way of saying It's ok mum, he was meant to heal you.

 

You'll know when it's right for someone somewhere will catch you unawares and tell you with their heart that they were meant to be "the one".

[yena]

I lost Milly on Saturday, by the following Thursday, I'd said I would have Dilys. I didn't plan to have another dog so soon, in fact I didn't want a yorkie, it would remind me too much of Milly, but when I saw Dilys's picture she won my heart. Had to wait weeks before I could pick her up and this give me time to grieve about Milly . Milly will always be in my heart, she was my special dog, but Dilys wormed her way in there too.

 

This is the picture that won my heart

[one.eyed.dog]

When I lost Junkyard I was not even going to look for another dog for at least 3 months. She really was the love of my life.

 

I was aimlessly looking on dogs needing home South (to far away from where I live) and up popped Lottie. I read the thread and it sounded like a discription of Lucy. (Personality wise) I saw the picture and that was it. She felt right. Very right.

 

I phoned the vet and asked if I was making a mistake and would I regret getting another dog so soon and he told me I was one of those people who would not last 5 minutes without a dog.

 

This was the Wednesday. Saturday I drove for 3.5 hours and got her. I felt and still does that I got my Lucy back but, in a different form.

 

I know with me I see a dog and if I get "the feeling" it's the right dog for me whatever problems it may have. Had it with both my girls.

 

I think every body is different.

 

Lucy my soul dog

 

 

Lottie my current muppet, nutter

 

[ReikiAnge]

I've always adopted fairly quickly where a loss has meant there was now only one dog.

 

I am sure I would have done exactly the same had I gone down to one dog when we lost Sweetie. As it was we had more than one and I waited almost a year before thinking about adopting and around 14 months before adopting M-M.

 

I really think it is personal choice and that it's entirely up to the individual if they adopt another dog within weeks or wait months/years.

[yena]

I've always adopted fairly quickly where a loss has meant there was now only one dog.

 

 

I am sure I would have done exactly the same had I gone down to one dog when we lost Sweetie.

 

When we lost Sally, over 20 years ago, it left Suzie all by herself. Suzie was one of Sally puppies and she had always been used to Sally been there. Sadly 18 months later we lot Suzie, both OH and I said, we thought she'd died of a broken heart, she was only 11. Now, knowing what I do about dogs, I would of got another one.

[ranirottie]

for you. My advice is keep looking, the right one will come along when you are ready.x

[doggy.lover]

I know some people will probably be disgusted but I felt I had to have another dog the following day. I just had a hole in my heart so big that I knew only another dog who needed me could help to fill it. It wasn't that I was replacing my darling girl I guess I was selfishly filling a driving need in me to have someone to love unconditionally and be loved by unconditionally, even though I still had 2 dogs it was the wrong number for me, just didn't feel right only putting 2 dog bowls down for mealtimes, kept looking for the other one

 

 

I don't think there is a set right or wrong time, just listen to your head as well as your heart and be sure that it's right for you and nobody else but you.

 

Some people take only hours or days, some take years, some decide never again.

 

 

Good luck on whatever you decide to do

[Katie]

I've always adopted fairly quickly where a loss has meant there was now only one dog.

 

This I particularly agree with - when I lost Katie I was left with two dogs so was not worried about adding a third. A number of foster girls came and went but we were fine with just the two boys.

 

Things were different when I lost Oscar - Logan simply fell apart as an 'only'dog. Luckily my initial postings about being interested in adding another girl quickly saw me pointed in the direction of Heidi who was struggling to find the right home due to a few 'issues' and turned out to be only 10 minutes drive from me. It was immediately obvious that this was the right girl for us and she joined us 4 weeks to the day after Oscar left us.

 

You will know when the time is right Lisa because the right dog will pop up and claim a place on your sofa, probably when you are least expecting it.

[LisaLQ]

Thank you so much everyone for your experiences (and sorry for your losses too)

 

Hubby and I have talked about it today, and with other family (and Kathy and her family!). I (we) think we're ready, but we're not going to rush into anything. Blu needs a companion, but we dont want to get just "any" dog for that reason, we want to find the right one.

 

It's looking more likely that we'll go for a pup than an adult now, and it's unlikely to be another grey or lurcher as tbh, however much I love them, I dont think it'd be the right fit for us at this time in our lives - maybe in the future. I think I'd constantly compare one to Sky, and it would end in tears. Hubby and I are quite taken by the idea of a springer (it was one of our choices for a second dog when we had just Sky), but like I said, we've only really faced talking about it today so we're not going to rush into anything just yet.

 

Thank you so much for posting your experiences, I'm still interested in hearing more if anyone wants to share theirs