chickentikka Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 I saw them on TV well over a year ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulesB Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 I think it's easy to look at the pic and assume it's a Master/slave relationship, but in reality she does booger all and he does all the running around after her - not such a bad lifestyle after all Hmmm, I might give it a go. Pass me Tess's muddy lead someone On a serious note I hope I'd never be thoughtless as to deliberately hurt/offend someone with my remarks, but I'm conscious that I label people sometimes (in my head, if not out loud). I'd echo others in this thread - live and let live, as long as no harm is being done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyM Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 I think they made it into the news (recently, I've not heard of them before) because they weren't allowed to board a bus (or asked to get off) not because they were complaining about being looked at. Can I have an "ism" against people who create attention for themselves by being deliberately provocative then moan about getting stared at? I'm not excusing hatred and those lines of reaction, but it does my head in that some people are seriously addicted to being offended. I'm not sure I'm wording what I mean right. As for the "You've lost weight" side of things, I agree it's rude unless people know the person has been open about attending weight watchers or the likes (in which case one should say it even if they don't look like they have). I get it a lot even though I haven't and it does my head in because I know they're only saying it because I'm fat, as if I want to hear it. All it does is remind me I'm not a socially acceptable size. Tough tits really though as I've lost 9.5kgs and *gained* a dress size (cos of being poorly), and now noone's saying "Wow, have you lost weight?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeadyP Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 I think the issue I have with the couple with the collar and lead is, if its a fashion statement, I have no problem with it. If its a sexual/fetish thing then I do object (not that I would say or do anything about it) but because its in public, they have involved me into their sexual fantasy. I object to being there! If its because she wants to be treated like a pet. Then I do worry that it is harming her. Even if its what she wants - I would worry that her self esteem or mental health needs help. If I saw them on the street, I would look at them, and not say or do anything, but would have lots of permatations as to why its happening going on in my head. If I knew them personally, I think I would ask questions about what was happening and why. I accept its an ism. Its a judgement based on my personal experiences, not theres. I had a friend from years ago was in a relationship which she described as 'open' and it was what she wanted. She ended up killing herself because she had no value of herself, and believed that the only way people would want to interact with her was by using her, and it hurt her. I truly believe the only way to change isms, is by talking about them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 I think the issue I have with the couple with the collar and lead is, if its a fashion statement, I have no problem with it. If its a sexual/fetish thing then I do object (not that I would say or do anything about it) but because its in public, they have involved me into their sexual fantasy. I object to being there! If its because she wants to be treated like a pet. Then I do worry that it is harming her. Even if its what she wants - I would worry that her self esteem or mental health needs help. If I saw them on the street, I would look at them, and not say or do anything, but would have lots of permatations as to why its happening going on in my head. If I knew them personally, I think I would ask questions about what was happening and why. I accept its an ism. Its a judgement based on my personal experiences, not theres. i couldnt have put it better myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krusewalker Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 What about the rights of those it might offend? it was Shami Chakrabarti, the director of the cicil liberties and human rights organisation, who came out with the great quote: "there is no such right as a right not to be offended" (might not be the strick wording) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melp Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 If I knew them personally, I think I would ask questions about what was happening and why. But what business is it of anyones "why"? would you ask a couple who you consider to be average/normal why? of course you wouldn't! Personally if I saw them on the street the collar and lead would almost certainly be the last thing I noticed. I would however be wondering where she got that dress. I like it! [i also rather like his hair but I've a thing for long haired men] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClazUK Posted June 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 But what business is it of anyones "why"? would you ask a couple who you consider to be average/normal why? of course you wouldn't! I've gotta say, that is a bit like asking a hetro couple, because they were holding hands, why they like sex in the missionary position with the lights off. What they get up to in private is no-ones business but their own. I said this earlier; I think the collar signifies ownership. I consider myself a feminist but I have no problem with the gift of 'ownership' if it is given with free will. To love, honour and obey still appears in some peoples wedding vows. You might baulk hearing it, but would you take it up with the bride? It's her choice if she wants to include that in her vows. Someone in a submissive/slave/pet relationship has as much right to wear a collar as anyone has to wear a wedding ring. It's a symbol of their relationship, not something that is sexual or could possibly be deemed offensive. If you see a collar and imagine what they get up to at home, that's up to you - next time you look at a wedding ring try imagining what it's wearer gets up to - the principle is no different (even if the bedroom activities might be). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyMalc Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 If they were people I knew pretty well I probably would ask why. There are many ways to ask 'why' though, and mine would be asking out of interest in what 'makes them tick' rather than a why as in'justify this'. I've had people, sometimes completely random, ask me questions - there seems to be a never ending fascination for women with shaved heads! Being vegan also seems to be a point of fascination, especially since I don't comply with the stereotypical 'pale and skinny and no sense of humour'. I really don't mind if the question stems from curiosity rather than a demand for justification. TBH I don't do dresses or long haired men. One of my customers at the veg stall was a young bloke, who'd prolly be classed as an EMO, who would show up nearly every day with immaculate make up and black nails. I did pay him a compliment at some point, because it did strike me how particular he was about it (definitely compared to me in my scruffs!), which he was happy to accept, and was a starting point for many an early morning conversation. I was genuinely impressed and I'd think it'd be a shame if people would be hesitant to interact with each other in a positive way, because they are afraid that they might say something that "isn't their business". At the risk of becoming very repetitive and boring, as long as any communication comes from a feeling of mutual respect then I really don't see the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeadyP Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Like I said, I would only ask about it if it was someone I knew. I would ignore them if I didnt know them. Whats wrong with asking questions to learn, and make sure they were ok? I can understand that some people are ok with not asking questions. Personally, if its someone I knew I would speak to them. Never in a 'what the hell are you doing?' kind of way. But wanting to understand. Just want to add a caveat, that I've just thought of....if it was this couple, and I knew their mums, or families, and I was comfortable that everything was ok, I wouldnt ask about it. I feel OK with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melp Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 If you see a collar and imagine what they get up to at home, that's up to you - next time you look at a wedding ring try imagining what it's wearer gets up to - the principle is no different (even if the bedroom activities might be). There are some heterosexual people whose bedroom activities I'd rather not have to imagine You're dead right though, the principle is exactly the same whether it's a ring, collar or a rope round the bollox and none of it is anyone elses business. Curiosity is fine and I've asked many a personal question of people I know who don't have the same preferences as me, out of interest. Questioning someone as if their prefernces are wrong/abnormal would be out of order. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyM Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 I've got to admit Mel, I prefer the idea of a rope round the bollox (not mine obviously) as a way of proving ownership. Lovebites, dog collars and wedding rings aren't something I'd personally want associating with, but the good old "don't forget who's got hold of yer knackers" control, that's more like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessandCos Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 as long as whatever goes on is between two consenting adults - and no one gets hurt, I honestly fail to see what it has to do with anyone else and what they think. The why's and the where fores - who cares - they are happy. Working where I do, anything goes, however bizzare, live and let live, as long as there is a smile on his/her face that is all that counts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted June 18, 2008 Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 It wouldn't enter my head to ask any questions regarding anyones sex life. I would cringe at the thought of what they might tell me. I had that experience only once in an office with a group of girls and my face was like a beacon lighting up the room (I didn't understand half of what was being said). I steered away from any further conversations of that type. I just get embarassed. Unless I dislike someone at first glance, I am interested in their life - especially if they have a doglet or two obviously it matters not what they do in private as I am not interested in that at all. The dog collar would worry me - I would wonder if he would choke me if he got p*ssed off - I know I would if the collar were on him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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