Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 this morning I have been glossing doors assisted by Grandma Squirrel , we were talking as you do and we ended up on the subject of Derek Acorah Grandma Squirrel is not a fan it has to be said, and the following are a selection of her comments ( she is dictating these as we are on a tea break ) "I hate him" " I would not be adverse to sticking something sharp up his arse and twisting it" " I would like to acquire a large smelly cod fish thats been laying in the sun for at least 3 days and would systematically batter him with it shouting pick the bones out of that" "I hate him" " how come where ever he goes like Egypt to speak to pharaohs or Colchester to speak to Roman Soldiers he can always speak their Language, is his fecking sprit guide a multi lingual translator" "when I am dead the last person I would want to have a natter with him his him even if I was desperate" "I hate him" " I would love to sneak up behind him in a dark crypt and go WHHHHOOOOOOO and ruffle up his hair so he looks like Ken Dodd" "why don't the Pharaohs tell him to stop poking around in their crypts and feck off" "I hate him" Just to add Grandma Squirrel believes that some people do have a gift but she thinks Derek is a pouncy prat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 please tell her that the egyptian thought he was a fool too and thought the whole poking round tombs was ridiculous, fake and to a degree disrespectfull of their history and heritidge. I thought the whole egypt thing was hilarious as what they didnt show you was all the information boards next to these places that tells you everything you need to know about the pharoes and high priests etc. I could have told you as much as he did without the aid of 'SAM' the multi lingual guide Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) ive seen him live and he was rubbish. Do you know a Bill or William? A man with a cloth cap ..... you know someone going on holiday someone having relationship trouble how many here can take them lol Edited February 4, 2008 by Jazz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted February 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 just one more before I go back to painting doors "he is a big girls blouse" Grandma Squirrel says she is very sorry if she has offended any real Derek Fans and she is sure he is a really nice bloke ( she said that last bit with gritted teeth ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chasta Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 Ive seen him live too.... he was (is) an utter Twonk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mooandboo Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 Tell GS I'd be more than happy to sharpen the sharp thing to stick up his arse and twist - his other orifices could do with the same treatment & I'd be happy to assist with that too. He's vile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 I think he is a showman with very average (or maybe below average) psychic skill and a vivid imagination. I don't think the language thing itself is a problem, it is the meaning which gets through to a psychic rather than the actual words. Tell Grandma Squiggs she is very norty to think of doing anything like that with a cod. The cod is a rapidly diminishing species and should be treated with the utmost respect. She should instead use a dogfish, and we often find them washed up on the beach here. Would she like me to find one, mature it nicely in the sun for the stipulated 3 days, and post it to her so she can carry out her threat? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merledogs Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 IMO he's a complete fraud Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted February 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 Tell GS I'd be more than happy to sharpen the sharp thing to stick up his arse and twist she thanks you for kind offer and will be in touch if she manages to locate Derek and a suitable stick she does however now think Derek might be getting his own back on her as since I posted her quotes she keeps dipping her paintbrush in her tea instead of the paintpot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trallwm farm Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 I have visions of Cod and Dog fish coming back to haunt Derek Akorah. Imagine his big mouth opening and closing like a goldfish as he is taken over by a poltergeist guppy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted February 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 Tell Grandma Squiggs she is very norty to think of doing anything like that with a cod. The cod is a rapidly diminishing species and should be treated with the utmost respect. She should instead use a dogfish, and we often find them washed up on the beach here. Would she like me to find one, mature it nicely in the sun for the stipulated 3 days, and post it to her so she can carry out her threat? A good offer although she may fall out with her postie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtychicken Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 This thread is making me weeeeeeeeeee I luffs Grandma Squiggs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yantan Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 I think he's a fraud and I really don't care for him BUT in his defence he is very pro-rescue dogs and has given his time up to help rescues. Marion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiccaweys Posted February 4, 2008 Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 Oh, he's a complete fraud! However, Most Haunted Live just isn't the same without Derek standing there shouting; Derek: "Oh Sam, Sam, protect me Sam" Yvette: "What is it Derek?" Derek: "Ohh Yvie, he's a bad man Yvie, a bad man, he's right behind me - a big sailor and he's trying to get in!!" Derek collapses and then starts talking like Captain Pugwash...... Yvette: *scream!!!!!* "Karl, what's happening Karl, is he alright, Derek, can you hear me? DEREKKKKK!!!!" Lots of camera shots upside down. Studio: "Yvette, can you tell us what is happening.....?" Yvette: "Derek appears to have been entered from behind by a large sailor....." Lots of swearing from Derek as Captain Pugwash, and Yvette f'ing and blinding to tell the spirit to get out. Programme never fails to go to a break while Derek recovers.... :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted February 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2008 I think he's a fraud and I really don't care for him BUT in his defence he is very pro-rescue dogs and has given his time up to help rescues. Marion she says she is very pleased to hear that and of course he can't be all bad Grandma Squirrels list of Dereks good points.... he is keeping an army of hair stylists and make up in employment he provides employment opportunities for professional screamers there maybe more and she is still thinking , I have had to sit here and type these with a wet paintbrush balanced on the table as she wanted to get it written down before she changed her mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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