"little Women" -giving Your Children What They Need

[DanishPastry]

This story made me so sad. How can parents give into these sort of "needs" from children? They say "but all their friends are allowed", does that justify it? I remember as a child how I hated my parents sometimes, and how unfair they were because I was not allowed something that my friends had/did, but they set limits because that is what they felt was best for me. Is that not what parenting is all about? YOU are the adult, YOU decide what is good for your child, not them. Has being the adult lost all point and meaning in todays society?

 

pree-teen beauties

[cheryl33]

absolutely shocking cos they dress like I do

 

If I demanded straightners and beauty products at that age, my mum would have given me a swift kicking!

 

i think its the mother's trying to live their lives through their daughters

[laura g]

i think in this instance the mums have a great deal to answer too. but it is difficult.

 

Kids and what's out there for them is alot more sophisticated that in my day. So there's a fine line to balance between keeping it sensible and keeping it contemporary.

 

I do not agree with the '*shrug* what can you do' mentality. You can blummin well manage it!!!

 

I've just shown my daughter Rachael, 10 the article. Straight from the horses mouth: 'mum there are some pretty stupid tarts of my age!!'

 

However she does love clothes and makeup and stuff. At 10 she's 5'2, size 6 shoe and a size 6/8. It's hard to let her dress how she wants with her NOT looking years older. Lots of compromise - mainly her. It helps having a dad who breathes smoke and fire.

 

I DO admit is is fun helping her find her style and understanding how to dress (and why). She loves designery stuff. Never new though. Blummin ridiculous spending that much money on anyone, let alone a kid. We frequent ebay and charity shops and vintage places. She has got clothes and shows I would KILL for. Better quality clothes than the tacky, tarty street wear that is out there.

 

Not a navel in sight. Thank god. My niece was allowed to have her belly button piereced last year. Aged 8 she had it done at a ropey shack on Ibitha. Why???? Rachael has just had her ears pierced. went to a proper guy who refuses to pierce kids ears until they turn 10 and growth in that area comes to a halt.

 

I can cope with a bit of mascara and lip gloss on a day to day basis - not for school though. if she wants full makeup i will help her - again, its helping her understand what's appropriate. Must admit though i point her towards the better stuff. if you're going to put muck on your face, then it may as well be good muck.

 

Generally I think she's well balanced. Nothing brings her down to earth more than a lurcher or two covered in fox muck. That's fragrance enough round here!!!!

[elricc]

find the whole thing very very disturbing, we rightly demonise paedophiles and in the same breath encourage little children to be sexual objects, thank god I haven't got a daughter as there would be huge battles , not a hope in hell would my daughter be wearing make up before teens, or wearing slutty clothes. 16 comes round very fast and then they can wear what they like.

but its not just the outward signs of sexuality, I regularly deal with 14 yr olds on first or second abortions, also this year friend who is a midwife has dealt with 2 12 year olds.

I honestly feel that women are still viewed by society as frilly sexual objects and laddette culture is a way for young woman to supposedly be empowered, but still outwardly bethe same (I know what I mean, but hard to explain) This is just being forced on females at a younger age, and mothers should befighting against it, I know I would be.

[K9Fran]

And why does it always have to be about the money spent? Clothes are clothes, they cover you up andkeep you warm - what does it matter how much is spent?

 

My niece and nephew used to drive me nuts every Christmas and birthday by comparing what they had received with what my son had got, and how much it had cost - more being 'better' and less being looked down on. The thought that counts was forgotten........

 

Thanks heavens I have three sons for whom the only thing that matters is 'is it clean'

[Melp]

I absolutley do not agree with the parents or kids in that article however, my daughter [9 in september] has her hair coloured at the moment.

She asked for it to be done a long while back and I agreed that during the 6 week holidays she could have a semi permanant colour, which I applied at home for her. By the time she goes back to school, it will [hopefully] be washed out [it's a 6-8 wash thing]

She does not wear make up-ever

She does not wear designer or revealing clothes, in fact I fully expect her to be a "Goth" at some point as she favours head to toe black and is rarely seen in a skirt or dress unless it's long and black [though she does have a couple of those tunic dresses which she wears with leggings and pirate boots]

She is not allowed to wear clothing with slogans such as "Babe" "Sexy" etc, nor would she want to, her t-shirt today is a grey and purple boys top sporting the slogan "Wicked N Cool" and has a dragon motif on it. She wouldn't be seen dead in pink, nor would she want to show any part of her body [getting her to wear shorts in hot weather is a nightmare ]

She has a medical condition which caused her from the age of 5 to start growing grow pubic and underarm hair. She is now developing breasts. Whilst we don't remove her hair down below she has very recently started to become embarrassed by her underams and I do remove that [with a sensitive hair removal cream]. I don't do this for vanitys sake, I do it because she is a child with an embarrassing [to her] condition. None of her freinds have hair there and I won't have her be the object of ridicule. She has also recently been bought some cropped vesty things because her breasts are obvious under her school uniform and she's embarrassed about it [as I would be]. They are plain white, no lace, no bows, no frills.

 

We also have a fairly strict cleansing routine because she has "teenagers" skin. She has an antibiotic cream prescribed by the hospital and a moisturiser. Even with those she is very prone to spots, she also suffers from hormonal mood swings though as yet [thankfully] she does not have periods.

 

I do my utmost to explain that she's nothing to be embarrassed about but I will always do whatever it takes to help her overcome that. If it means removing hair or her wearing a bra/cropped vest etc then that's what she'll have. Not to make her look older, but actually to disguise the fact that her little body is developing too quickly. I am not and will never be ashamed of that.

 

I may well be criticised for allowing her to have her hair coloured and so be it but I could never allow the sort of clothing, make up and beauty treatments the kids in that article have. I do what I do for my child because I love her and want her to feel and look like a 9 year old not because she's spoilt or a mini-adult.

[wendywoo1972]

I absolutley do not agree with the parents or kids in that article however, my daughter [9 in september] has her hair coloured at the moment.

She asked for it to be done a long while back and I agreed that during the 6 week holidays she could have a semi permanant colour, which I applied at home for her. By the time she goes back to school, it will [hopefully] be washed out [it's a 6-8 wash thing]

She does not wear make up-ever

She does not wear designer or revealing clothes, in fact I fully expect her to be a "Goth" at some point as she favours head to toe black and is rarely seen in a skirt or dress unless it's long and black [though she does have a couple of those tunic dresses which she wears with leggings and pirate boots]

She is not allowed to wear clothing with slogans such as "Babe" "Sexy" etc, nor would she want to, her t-shirt today is a grey and purple boys top sporting the slogan "Wicked N Cool" and has a dragon motif on it. She wouldn't be seen dead in pink, nor would she want to show any part of her body [getting her to wear shorts in hot weather is a nightmare ]

She has a medical condition which caused her from the age of 5 to start growing grow pubic and underarm hair. She is now developing breasts. Whilst we don't remove her hair down below she has very recently started to become embarrassed by her underams and I do remove that [with a sensitive hair removal cream]. I don't do this for vanitys sake, I do it because she is a child with an embarrassing [to her] condition. None of her freinds have hair there and I won't have her be the object of ridicule. She has also recently been bought some cropped vesty things because her breasts are obvious under her school uniform and she's embarrassed about it [as I would be]. They are plain white, no lace, no bows, no frills.

 

We also have a fairly strict cleansing routine because she has "teenagers" skin. She has an antibiotic cream prescribed by the hospital and a moisturiser. Even with those she is very prone to spots, she also suffers from hormonal mood swings though as yet [thankfully] she does not have periods.

 

I do my utmost to explain that she's nothing to be embarrassed about but I will always do whatever it takes to help her overcome that. If it means removing hair or her wearing a bra/cropped vest etc then that's what she'll have. Not to make her look older, but actually to disguise the fact that her little body is developing too quickly. I am not and will never be ashamed of that.

 

I may well be criticised for allowing her to have her hair coloured and so be it but I could never allow the sort of clothing, make up and beauty treatments the kids in that article have. I do what I do for my child because I love her and want her to feel and look like a 9 year old not because she's spoilt or a mini-adult.

 

Sofia developed very early and is still developing now. Bless her she stands out like a sore thumb around all of the girls in her class and has suffered for it too. We had to do the same as you and brought her vest tops early for under her clothes and now she has to have adult tops not because of any other reason but she can not fit into child tops anymore. Also we have to help Sofia to look after her skin because she suffers terrible from spots, but that I think is more a case of her mother neglecting her in the department of hygine etc. Since after a couple of days of being here her skin has cleared up and I do feel it is a lot to do with she gets a regular bath and lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. Fortunatly she is in the age where hopefully the other girls will start to catch up with her and I hope it becomes easier for her.

 

Re the hair colouring I think there is a huge difference with a semi permenant hair colour that will be gone in time for school and a permenent hair dye or permenant highlights.

 

We do allow Sofia to wear make up but to the degree of a little mascara and a little lip gloss but nothing more than that.

 

What I find frustraiting is how the fashion in the shops is. Even for Lydia, now I am very old fashioned with clothes actually and believe in babies being dressed like babies, and children being dressed like children. But sometimes I get shocked at babies clothes even that look like and are designed as mini adult clothes. I dread the battles that I will have with Lydia in the future as I will not under any circumstances allow her to dress above her age, with Sofia I have to when we have her actually work to get her into clothes that are nicer and more fitting for her, since she is actually very neglected with clothes and hygine things by her Mother.

 

I do not think just because their friends have it is a justification for the parents to allow it.

Edited August 6, 2007 by wendywoo1972

[Allie No Dots]

Eldest daughrter wants to know how you play swingball wearing that lot?!

 

[Ian]

To me I wouldn't have a problem with a bit of hair colour, the occasional dressing up like mummy within the bounds of the house etc - I think lots of girls probably enjoy that.

 

But to be taking kids this age to the extremes of daily cleansing, toning blah, blah blah with Chanel & the like and dressing them like much older girls for public outings etc is just wrong. Children are forced to grow up far too quickly these days when they should be allowed to be children until the world catches up with them more naturally.

 

To be honest at 10 year old I'd have got a clip round the ear if I'd used words like "stupid tarts" in front of my mother & I certainly wouldn't have been getting any piercings. Shows how things move on in a 1/4 of a century or so

[mum24dog]

To me I wouldn't have a problem with a bit of hair colour, the occasional dressing up like mummy within the bounds of the house etc - I think lots of girls probably enjoy that.

 

Dressing like mummy?

Well, actually my 4 daughters did - looked like mini bag ladies until they were about 15 - 16 then started to show an interest in their appearance.

Me? - Still at the bag lady stage.

I'm sure they've all developed at a reasonable rate because I never pressurised them to dress or look any way they didn't want to, and they were definitely brought up to have minds of their own and not to do things just because their friends did.

And they all mixed socially with boys as friends but didn't bother about them as boyfriends until they were around 16, and they've all (except the youngest who is nearly 17)

had long term and mature relationships.

 

Pam

[greytgirl]

I am very strict tbh, and I dont care My daughter is 6 and loves make up eyc and is allowed it..playing with it in the house etc and with her friends but not to actually wear it outside..I am so lucky that she still loves nice dresses and skirts, and is not too bothered with all the fashion stuff. She does though think she should be treated older just today we were visiting my mum in the hospital and she has been crying because "i treat her like a baby" as she is not allowed out in the street to play, or as she wanted today to go to the hospital shop alone! yeh right! I do think they want to grow up much too soon, as I probably did..but afraid Im not letting my daughter..yet! She is allowed various things but I do try to keep her at the age she is.

[laura g]

Sofia developed very early and is still developing now. Bless her she stands out like a sore thumb around all of the girls in her class and has suffered for it too.

 

I think 9 and 10 onwards are really difficult ages. As I said before, I have a 5'2" 10 year old girly. My son who is 11 is knocking on 5'5". Both are in adult clothes and both dwarf alot of their friends.

 

but they all catch up eventually.

 

I think alot of the problems arise from mums wanting primarily to be their kids 'best friends'. I know my sister in law is having probs with her three girls - not enough boundaries earlier on and the old 'people think we're sisters' scenario. Result is 18 year old has just had ababy. 17 year old is with a 40 year old man and 15 year old is running wild.

 

I love my children more than anything in the world. i am there for them. No questions. Unconditionally.

 

But I am not their best friend. If that makes sense.

[EGAR]

My son dresses like Mummy.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...... jeans, tshirt and/or jumper and wellies (mostly).

 

Have I got a problem now ?

[scotslass]

I honestly feel that women are still viewed by society as frilly sexual objects and laddette culture is a way for young woman to supposedly be empowered, but still outwardly bethe same (I know what I mean, but hard to explain) This is just being forced on females at a younger age, and mothers should befighting against it, I know I would be.

 

I agree.

 

I was always regarded as an over-protective mummy (I know, because some other parents told me ) but did I care? Did I hell. My children's lives are more important than the opinion of a few eejits who want to be their kids' best friends. My 3 boys have all miraculously made it to adulthood without being permanently attached to my skirts (well, my jeans) and my daughter is a strong-minded, independent 21 year old who doesn't have to ape laddish behaviour to feel like a strong person. They are not without fault, but they are individuals - and that's what I wanted for them.

 

I must say, I wasn't always as confident - when you're constantly told that your kids won't thrive if you bring them up to be different, or don't allow them to run with the pack, you do question your ideals sometimes. Now I'd say to any parent - do what you believe is right. I was told that I was holding my kids back by going to playgroup with them; they'd never be independent. I should let them watch what everyone else watched on TV because otherwise they'd be left out in playground discussions. Well, they seem to have thrived on all that deprivation.

 

My eldest son still tells everyone how I wrecked his childhood by not letting him watch Grange Hill. He's a psychologist, mind you, so maybe he does have some unresolved issues.

[akitas]

When you go out you see lots of kids dressed like that, with mum's at their side who look the same.

Shops selling perfumes for babies, cosmetics for kids etc.

I think it is all out of order.

 

But then a lot of kids reflect what they see at home. Mum dressing up, putting make up on, kids want to do it as well.

I think then it is the responsibility of the parents to point out they are too young.

But if you believe so much in the fashion industry then you maybe "lost the plot" and don't even realise anymore that it is "wrong" what your child is doing.

 

I hardly ever wear make up, nor do I like to dress up. My daughter is 14 and is not keen on make up and isn't into fashion.

I think that tells you something about role models....

 

 

I am with you Sarah, jeans, jumper and wellies ;-) and my kids usually wear the same.