Say Something Nice Or Say Nothing

[doggy.lover]

I'm curious to have people's opinions on this -

 

When reading threads on this and other forums and you read a thread that quite frankly makes your blood boil, do you

 

 

A - Say what you think and be blowed about any one else's opinion, it's a public forum and by posting people ask for what they get whether they like it or not (without swearing etc..)

 

B - Try and curb your irritation/annoyance/fury and try and write something that indicates your opinion without saying it what you really want to.

 

or

 

C - if you can't bring yourself to say anything nice don't post anything at all

 

 

Over the last few months not just on this forum but also on others I've reada few topics where sometimes I'm irritated to the point of wanting to shake the person posting and give them a real opinion not just the pat on the back/sympathy they obviously want to get so I find myself just not posting instead of saying what I really want to say. Does anyone else find the same problem??

[sanrossscot]

Depends on the thread, where it's posted, what mood I'm in really. Sometimes I post, trying to be polite and balanced, others I just don't reply to at all, better things to do with my time. (I have enough probs remembering to reply in threads I WANT to participate in )

[Jacobean]

Answering your last paragraph I tend to ignore the odd post rather than reply to it. I don't get that narked about it though. I always try to be open and honest with people and if I don't feel I can be then I don't respond. Having said that I don't respond to all messages anyway as I haven't the time. Just incase someone thinks oo ay she didn't reply to my thread about ..... lol.

 

I do tend to tone down what I say sometimes and quite often don't say as much as I would do to someone's face and outside the dog rescue world. I don't think about my posts before sending them like I have done in the past elsewhere which is pleasant. I'm careful with some topics not to upset people. I do respect others views although I don't hide anything from anyone and people know where I stand over certain issues.

 

I don't have a problem with anyone disagreeing with an opinion of mine as we're all different.

 

I am careful not to upset people that I think are sensitive and can take what I say the wrong way.

[greys mum]

If there is something that I don't agree with, I always go away for a break. Might be a coffe, another forum or think about it overnight. That way it gives me time to calm down and formulate a polite reply. Might even find that after I have thought about it, there are portions that I do agee with.

Hopefully I haven't offended anyone (yet!!) as I wouldn't like to hurt anyones feelings.

I also look at it in differents ways. I, personally find it difficult to type what I am thinking/feeling sometimes, that either doesn't look/sound silly or down right rude. That is possibly what has happened when someone else has posted. It is difficult sometimes without seeing the other persons facial expressions. Or like me you have a weird sense of humour.

One forum, (obviously not this one,) I found my temper getting shorter and shorter, so I don't go there very much now. It's much nicer here, where people are allowed to have different points of view.

 

Not a lot upsets me, as I am very much a live and let live kinda person.

[greytgirl]

I think the good thing about forums is freedom of speech, and hearing other opinions, which logically are not all going to be the same..its what makes the world goes round.

I appreciate all opinions even if they aren't the same as mine, as long as we aren't offensive or personally attack someone I think posting exactly what you think is fine

[Abigailj]

Well it depends on what is being said. These days I am most likely to ignore it. Unless it is, for example, a group of pet greyhound owners saying that they think it was humane for David Smith to kill greyhounds with a bolt gun.

[GSDFan]

I usually reply although I do sometimes go away and think about it.

 

Believe it or not I do usually tone down what I want to say and am more polite than I feel. I know that may be difficult to believe.

 

I do believe we are all entitled to our opinions and to express them. Particularly in the controversial forum I honestly don't think people should post if they are then going to take offence at what others say.

[kimthecat]

It depends what the subject is and how i feel at the time. If its personal stuff most people just want to get stuff off their chests so not much point in giving an opinion unless they ask for specfic advice.

If its to do with animals, I'd more likely give an opinion if I felt it would benefit the animal.

Alison

[redditchlady]

I would either reply politely but with my opinion or if I couldn't do that politely then I would sit on my hands. Yes, sometimes we can read things that infuriate us, but it isn't worth falling out over.

 

I think, like others have said, it can be difficult on occasions to "read" mannerisms that we would understand if talking face to face if that makes sense.

 

To answer this point

 

Quote

 

"Over the last few months not just on this forum but also on others I've reada few topics where sometimes I'm irritated to the point of wanting to shake the person posting and give them a real opinion not just the pat on the back/sympathy they obviously want to get so I find myself just not posting instead of saying what I really want to say. Does anyone else find the same problem??"

 

But how do we know that is why they are posting it. It can read like that to some but not others??? Sorry not meaning to be picky at all.

 

Kazz xx

[doggy.lover]

I do believe we are all entitled to our opinions and to express them. Particularly in the controversial forum I honestly don't think people should post if they are then going to take offence at what others say.

 

Hi GSDFan

 

This is what I mean but I don't apply it just to the controv forum, I think it should apply in any forum, it's a public place and I think 'don't ask if you don't want to hear' if people post on a topic and they get a strip torn off them (deservedly) then it's their own fault for putting it in the public domain. I have to sit on my hands if I want to say something I know they aren't going to like, not being rude but being bluntly honest and I'm not sure that's fair either, I think sometimes people post knowing people can't say what they really think.

Edited April 28, 2007 by doggy.lover

[Pendlewitch]

If it's something that really gets me mad I will type up exactly what I feel with no hold barred, then read it through a few times and delete it without posting of course. Then if I feel strongly enough I'll try to compose something a bit more restrained, mostly I keep out of it, I'm not that good at debate anyway.

[GSDFan]

Hi GSDFan

 

This is what I mean but I don't apply it just to the controv forum, I think it should apply in any forum, it's a public place and I think 'don't ask if you don't want to hear' if people post on a topic and they get a strip torn off them (deservedly) then it's their own fault for putting it in the public domain. I have to sit on my hands if I want to say something I know they aren't going to like, not being rude but being bluntly honest and I'm not sure that's fair either, I think sometimes people post knowing people can't say what they really think.

 

 

 

Well, I think it applies to any of the forums, but more so in Contro ( if you see what I mean )

[cycas]

Hi GSDFan

 

This is what I mean but I don't apply it just to the controv forum, I think it should apply in any forum, it's a public place and I think 'don't ask if you don't want to hear' if people post on a topic and they get a strip torn off them (deservedly) then it's their own fault for putting it in the public domain. I have to sit on my hands if I want to say something I know they aren't going to like, not being rude but being bluntly honest and I'm not sure that's fair either, I think sometimes people post knowing people can't say what they really think.

 

 

I think that depends what it is. If someone is asking for emotional support with something that upset them and made them angry, I would try to sit on my hands, even if I strongly believed that they had got themselves into a mess through sheer idiocy, or that they were angry about something that really they had no right to get upset about, or where I sympathise with the other party.

 

They aren't asking for advice or views on the situation, they are asking for emotional support and the exact reasons are just background. I might not feel myself able to offer the support requested sometimes, and the whole thing might make me grumpy, but on those sorts of posts (I am not just talking about here, in case anyone is feeling paranoid), there is just no point posting what I really think. It would stir up a teacup-storm and achieve nothing. That's where flame wars start.

 

On the other hand, if someone is asking for advice or views or experience, and seems to be in a fairly rational state about things, OR has posted in Controversial, then a well thought out reply, even if it is a bit unflattering, or doesn't agree with the consensus, could be really valuable and is well worth posting, if not to the OP, then to the other people viewing the conversation.

 

I have (in real life, not on forums) encountered a number of people who say things like 'I am down to earth and say what I think' or 'I don't mess about being polite' and seem to use that as an excuse for really upsetting people. I worked with one guy who made a point of the 'honest down to earth' approach, and I am still having to deal with the fallout from customers who were deeply hurt and offended by what he saw as honesty, but to them came over as deliberately offensive, or even worse, left them questioning their own skills and abilities.

[Lizzie]

Sometimes when I post the words seem to come out wrong, I don't want to offend anyone, but sometimes if a post is worded in a certain way it can look offensive.

 

See, that looks wrong too.

 

IMHO there are times when people can be over sensitive, on the other hand not sensitive enough. It is a fine line we draw when trying to get over a point without causing upset to anyone, especially as facial expressions and nuances in speech can't be picked up in the written word.

 

It would be a sad place if opinions can't be aired. (without resorting to verbal abuse) After all, debate is a democratically recognised right, if folk can't deal with that, then should they actually be involved in a forum?

 

OK I'll now sit in the naughty corner, just in case anyone finds this post offensive.

 

(Please let me know when I can come out.)

[snow]

Couple of things to consider - different forums are geared for different things, a pure discussion board is a very different animal to an online community, moreover as cycas rightly pointed out some people aren't posting seeking anyones "opinion" they merely wish to seek some emotional support the "story" is mere background.

 

Just because a forum anywhere is described as "controversial" merely means that the topics are likely to be those where people have differing perhaps polarised points of view - that does not mean that the opinion is wrong nor does it mean that differing views cannot be stated respectfully.

 

Frankly if someone is being rude to me they might as well just save their breath cos I immediately switch off to the message. In fact the sad thing is that even if they had a point, they aren't going to make it with me cos as far as I'm concerned the delivery has triggered an emotional rather than intellectual response at that point they have "lost" because it wouldn't matter how valid their point was it's just white noise to me.

 

When people respond emotively to anything posted on the internet, then they are responsible, no one can make anyone sit at a pc typing out a message then posting it, in fact the very act of sitting down typing it out takes time, time which could have been used to take a deep breath and channel the emotions in a more positive way. By posting emotively the poster in turn triggers emotions in the people reading it and what you end up with is a flame war rather than a constructive discussion.

 

If anyone would like some links to pure discussion forums which have no moderation and no rules about how or what you can say just let me know, there are still a few around albeit that most ultimately implode and die when all you get is thread after thread of personal attacks, abuse, and flaming, however there is one thats managed to hang on in there for about 10 years now, but it isn't for the thin skinned.