JoC Posted April 28, 2007 Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 I think that depends what it is. If someone is asking for emotional support with something that upset them and made them angry, I would try to sit on my hands, even if I strongly believed that they had got themselves into a mess through sheer idiocy, or that they were angry about something that really they had no right to get upset about, or where I sympathise with the other party. They aren't asking for advice or views on the situation, they are asking for emotional support and the exact reasons are just background. I might not feel myself able to offer the support requested sometimes, and the whole thing might make me grumpy, but on those sorts of posts (I am not just talking about here, in case anyone is feeling paranoid), there is just no point posting what I really think. It would stir up a teacup-storm and achieve nothing. That's where flame wars start. On the other hand, if someone is asking for advice or views or experience, and seems to be in a fairly rational state about things, OR has posted in Controversial, then a well thought out reply, even if it is a bit unflattering, or doesn't agree with the consensus, could be really valuable and is well worth posting, if not to the OP, then to the other people viewing the conversation. I have (in real life, not on forums) encountered a number of people who say things like 'I am down to earth and say what I think' or 'I don't mess about being polite' and seem to use that as an excuse for really upsetting people. I worked with one guy who made a point of the 'honest down to earth' approach, and I am still having to deal with the fallout from customers who were deeply hurt and offended by what he saw as honesty, but to them came over as deliberately offensive, or even worse, left them questioning their own skills and abilities. That pretty much sums up my view. I hate it when people say 'they say what they think' like they think it's a good quality to be rude and hurtful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted April 28, 2007 Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 I think you can put a point of view across as strongly as you feel as long as it is not rude,offensive or personal. A debate of different ideas is good until it gets nasty. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fee Posted April 28, 2007 Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 Slightly off topic, but I think quoting people in controversial or argumentative threads can be very dangerous. It can make people feel singled out or picked on, when perhaps their quote was only chosen as an illustration of the other side of the argument, and often turns a disagreement about a subject into a personal row. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
border collie Posted April 28, 2007 Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 Yes, that really gets me "bothered" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSDFan Posted April 28, 2007 Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 I think that depends what it is. If someone is asking for emotional support with something that upset them and made them angry, I would try to sit on my hands, even if I strongly believed that they had got themselves into a mess through sheer idiocy, or that they were angry about something that really they had no right to get upset about, or where I sympathise with the other party. They aren't asking for advice or views on the situation, they are asking for emotional support and the exact reasons are just background. I might not feel myself able to offer the support requested sometimes, and the whole thing might make me grumpy, but on those sorts of posts (I am not just talking about here, in case anyone is feeling paranoid), there is just no point posting what I really think. It would stir up a teacup-storm and achieve nothing. That's where flame wars start. I think if it is someone purely asking for emotional support then it is different and if I think they've been a complete and utter plonker and deserve everything they get then I usually read the post and say nothing. It does wind me up though when people ask for views and then get upset about the views expressed by others. If anyone would like some links to pure discussion forums which have no moderation and no rules about how or what you can say just let me know, there are still a few around albeit that most ultimately implode and die when all you get is thread after thread of personal attacks, abuse, and flaming, however there is one thats managed to hang on in there for about 10 years now, but it isn't for the thin skinned. I'm on a couple which technically are moderated but in practice moderation doesn't happen. I quite like them but I am thick skinned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted April 28, 2007 Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 RE: I think you can put a point of view across as strongly as you feel as long as it is not rude,offensive or personal. A debate of different ideas is good until it gets nasty. x AND: That pretty much sums up my view. I hate it when people say 'they say what they think' like they think it's a good quality to be rude and hurtful I like this attitude. Being honest with people is one thing - I personally love a good debate & don't myself mind if people quote me - though I would expect them to do so accurately not through some twisted perception / distortion of what I actually said - & if they have a different point of view that's absolutely fine with me. There is however no need for debate to be turned into personal attacks. There have been a couple of threads recently where as someone still quite new to The Refuge I haven't known what the underlying issue was but it has seemed to me that there was something more personal to the comments than was being directly said. We are all supposed to be here for the same reason - the desire to help unfortunate animals - so I can see no reason for threads becoming personal or debate becoming more like a brawling argument than a reasoned debate - getting the thread closed as a resut of it surely helps no one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staffymad Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 To be honest I will say what I think, however I do try to do so in a polite manner. However there are certain subjects which make my blood boil and I try very hard to be polite, but if I read incorrect statements or facts about these subjects I do get narky. In general I believe you can get your point across without becoming personal or too emotional but only if the other people in the discussion do the same. The minute I get personally attacked in any topic, I give as good as I get Cindy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 In general I believe you can get your point across without becoming personal or too emotional but only if the other people in the discussion do the same. The minute I get personally attacked in any topic, I give as good as I get Cindy The standing your corner seems fair enough to me - to be honest I'm just the same - though I might hopefully try to take it away to a personal battleground rather than have a row in a public forum if I could. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSDFan Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 In general I believe you can get your point across without becoming personal or too emotional but only if the other people in the discussion do the same. The minute I get personally attacked in any topic, I give as good as I get Cindy Good thing we don't fall out then isn't it Cindy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staffymad Posted May 2, 2007 Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 Good thing we don't fall out then isn't it Cindy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mooandboo Posted May 2, 2007 Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 People who are proud of *saying what they think* seriously annoy me as it's usually blatantly obvious that they don't think before they say it. We could all just blurt out what immediately comes to mind, regardless of whether it's right or valid & regardless of the impact it has on others - what's to be proud of in that? Not aimed at anyone in particular I think long and hard before I express my views on something that makes my blood boil & getting personal serves no purpose in my view. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mum24dog Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 I consider myself a rational rather than an emotive person and certainly there are times when I want to give someone a good shake, but I'm not in the business of making personal attacks or upsetting people, so I restrict my rantings to the safety valves of a couple of friends away from the board. A good mutual blowing off of steam in private does the world of good and noone gets hurt. I may upset people by what I say, but that isn't the same as intending to or being careless that I might do so. Whatever my attitude to my own life, I still understand that people differ in their ability to cope with what life throws at them and I don't want to make things worse if someone is feeling vulnerable. I'm not going to pussyfoot around important issues, though, just in case I might offend someone. Inevitably sometimes people take things personally that weren't meant that way. In the course of a discussion I only want to try and make people question what is said. Believe me, if I were really to go off my trolley about something or someone there would be no doubt whatsoever about it. Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amanda72 Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 (edited) nm Edited May 16, 2007 by amanda72 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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