buddyboy Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Mother - diagnosed with breast cancer which had spread to her bones just over 2 years ago..... seems to be spreading in the bones. I know this will sound bad but I really wish they did not live in an area where they get such good care. She has just spent a week in hospital - went in for pain due to cancer spreading but was kept in due to fungal infection in her throat. She is 83, has a pacemaker, bronchiectastis (sorry, spelling??? hacking cough which sometimes means bringing up blood) and is very frail and unsteady.... but one minute she agrees to take it easy and next minute she cancels all the carer packages in place! If she was one of my dogs I would not let her continue in the state she is in. If dad dies first she will have no reason to carry on without him being around to nag and bully (yes, she does do that). Dad - early Alzheimers, but at the stage where he gets upset that he cannot remember things and upset he has to keep asking the same questions. 91 yrs old. Had hip replacement in autumn after falling downstairs - spent couple of weeks in a care home when eventually came out of hospital.... got really upset with the people just sitting around and kept asking if he was that bad... much happier now he is back home in the flat - and sits around! He realises mum is very ill (but not quite how bad) and seems to have lost the will to live. If she dies first he will not be long after. Chicken currently in nest box and not expected to last much longer (thought she would have died in the night)... she came to me 3 years ago and is the last of the ex-free range farm girls. She is not suffering so waiting for her to go peacefully rather than pts..... cannot bring myself to wring her neck (have had to do it to rabbits in the past when the greyhound caught them - but they were wild bunnies and not pets).... sorry - just getting it off my chest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yantan Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Aw buddyboy I's so sorry you have such a lot on your plate. I don't have any constructive advice but just wanted you to know I am thinking of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murtle Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Oh dear that does sound very hard. Also want to send you and to let you know you aren't alone and vent away, it does help keep you sane! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddyboy Posted January 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Chummy Chicken RIP She had not laid an egg for at least 18 months but had enjoyed strutting round the garden with the dogs and the other chicks as a pampered pet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greys mum Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Fly free Chummy chicken. Flipping heck, you're having it tough. :GroupHug: You probably have these in place, But McMillan nurses/Marie Curie/hospice at home are a great help. My local hospice also has someone to talk with families. Lots of people have found that it helps. See if there is a local alzheimers society near to you. Again they are a great support to families. Although you have a lot going on with your mum and dad, don't forget to look after yourself. :GroupHug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddyboy Posted January 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) Mum has a McMillan nurse and has been going to the hospice once a week for a while - but has stopped it since Dad's accident. We have proved to her that Dad CAN be left as long as she leaves him a note so he knows what is going on and can refer to it during the day (carer comes in to get him washed in the mornings, he can make himself drinks and a sandwich - when she was in hospital for a week he was at my brother's house and when he is allowed to do these things he does them, but she does not allow him to)..... mum ALWAYS knows best! We (and the McMillan people) have suggested contacting the Alzheimer's support people but she will not do it because she does not want to discuss it...... as I say, she ALWAYS knows best! The home he went into had awful reviews but "x at the hospice knows someone who works in one of their other homes so it must be alright" - which since he was in there and she saw the lack of activities has changed to "if only someone had said how bad it was"....... but at least he is home now. Edited January 23, 2012 by buddyboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houndzrus Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Georgina, you have been dealing with this for a long time now. sorry to hear about the chicken too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Very tough having both parents in this situation. You have my heartfelt sympathy. It's very awkward when you are trying to do your best for someone and they won't co-operate. Fly free little Chummy chook Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacobean Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Sorry to hear all of this. It's very tough and a strain on you. Sorry little Chummy has passed on too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smirnoff Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 How hard it must be to see both of your parents so ill. As you say, we'd never allow our dogs to go on like this. I hope you can find some support to help your parents through this. I sometimes work in a care home to help with activities and I know that not all homes do that. No wonder so many of the residents suffer from depression. If your Dad needs care again, ask around and see if you can find somewhere with an activity leader. He might not want to join in - many don't - but at least he'd be choosing not to do it. And fly free, Chummy Chicken. It sounds like you were very lucky and had a lovely retirement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kittycat Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 So very sorry to read about your situation, I don't have an advice but wanted to send a your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 I'm sorry to hear you have so many family health worries, it must be a strain. Unfortunately though you can't make someone do what you think they should even if it might be for the best (My Dad wouldn't be told either so I'm not just being totally unsympathetic here!) & I'm afraid you just have to let your Mum do what she thinks to be right for herself & your Dad, however hard it may seem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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