scotslass Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 It's true, and that is why each situation has to be considered separately. My gran was a poisonous old bat who had spent her whole life bullying and destroying other people, and then took up shoplifting, burglary and slashing car tyres in her retirement. We did our best to care for her in her own home. My mum had her for weekends, and also did all her washing and shopping and brought her daily cooked meals which she often threw in the bin and then begged food from houses, saying her wicked family had let her starve. No day centre would have her. She was an utter nightmare not only to us but to the whole village and the local police, and she knew exactly what she was doing. During my years in care work I met some nasty people but not one had her level of vicious behaviour and total lack of respect for others. I think she may have been some kind of psychopath. She was a lady who no one could have survived being with full time. We made an effort. We did the best we could. That is all one can do with impossible people who need care. But as a professional carer, I found it much easier to deal with other people's difficult relatives as I wasn't entangled in emotional issues. I did find it rather distressing if a client slapped or abused me, but it's not anything as bad as a family member doing it. I couldn't agree more. We're been talking in generalisations, and in general, I would hope that families would see it as their duty to keep an eye on their relatives - not necessariy to look after them full-time (certainly not when the circumstances are as appalling as those you mention). I also agree about its being much easier to deal with other people's challenging behaviour - it's a tragic nightmare when it's a relative. However, to get back to the OP, even if this poor woman in the wheelchair was an absolutely horrible person, it's a bit strange that her relatives stood back and waited till she was dead before they complained about social services. You'd think, if they were that concerned, that they'd have done something at the time, or at least been grateful for what social services did do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotslass Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 If this is the story:http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish...86908-20793301/ it appears that her sons did, in fact, make sure she had food and drink and organised her medication. But she needed more care than that and (assuming that the story is accurate, which of course it may not be) she was unwilling to be cleaned, moved or dressed by them. Reading between the lines, I am wondering if this is one of these situations where the person is very difficult to deal with, either for her family or her carers. "Ms Wright had very complex needs and we worked to support her, although she was not always willing to accept the help." And there's the problem - what the hell are social services supposed to do, when even the family can't manage her? I do wonder what they expect - clients can't have care forced on them. I've seen many cases such as this, and relatives tend to come out of the woodwork after the event, perhaps because they feel guilty at their own lack of control over (or involvement in?) the situation. To my mind, it's yet another example of our blame culture. Not every social problem has a satisfactory solution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mop Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 Having had to fight to get some care for Bill with Social Services, I know just what they can be like. I had to fight to get them in mornings to shower and dress Bill, in fact I threatened to leave him in their office if they didn't get me help. After I have my hip replaced, I was discharged from the hospital a week after my operastion, to an empty house. I was told by Social Services that I coulldn't have any help because they didn't have the staff. 6 weeks after my operation when I was still on crutches, Bill was sent home for me to look after, how the hell can you give someone 24 hour care when on crutches recovering from an operation like this? I know from what the carers told me that several women were in wheelchairs, they got them up mornings, put them on the toilet, dressed, only had a shower once a week if they were lucky, made their breakfast, made a sandwich for lunch and left it close to them then left. Someone would come in a tea time and give them something to eat, out of the freezer heated in the microwave, toilet them again then put them to bed. These women never had the chance to go to the toilet apart from twice a day. The carers were trying to get them into care but SS wree blocking it, said they were not bad enough. To me sons should not be washing and dressing their mothers, I can understand her refusing to let them, I would hate for my sons to have to wash and dress me. I once reported to SS seeing a child being beaten by his father, I was told to ignore it, there is nothing that can be done. I found out later that this father regularly done this and had been reported by others. I think I had better shut up about SS or I will be at it all night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 Years ago my Grandpa was in hospital and it was decided that he could no longer live alone. He was a difficult man with his childen but a joy to his grandchildren, well to me he was. So the plan was for him to come and live with me but even that long ago they said that I would have to have people come in the bathe and dress Grandpa because opposite sex relatives were not allowed to to this as it was deemed improper. If the story is true, then I can understand the womans reluctance to have her sons bathe her, it would be so embarassing for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 Did try to edit previous post but wasn't allowed to. I wanted to say I posted at the same time Margaret about the woman not wanting her sons to bathe and dress her - and you said similar about how you would feel if in that situation. My Grandpa died in the hospital so the situation never arose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacqui d Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 Id be happy to see out street lights go out at night, or even reduced to one in every five or so being left on and main streets being lit. During last years floods we lost all street lights for a few nights and i dont think anyone even noticed. Should i need care in the future, i wouldnt want my family to struggle at home with me, but i would want full say in which home i went to and ive no doubts (if i was able) id be quick to ask to be moved if i wasnt happy. I can only imagine the nurse mentioned, declined full time or respite care from SS, at some point she must have able to get out of the wheelchair as if she was declining intimate care from her sons, she would have toileted herself. Unfortunatly physical disabilites can also change a persons perseption of themselves and those around them and some one who was qualified to care for others, may have felt she was still able to care for herself. Nursing homes are only as good as the staff they employ imo and if the staff dont care, it shows in the standard of the care given, the government have introduced several laws to try to ensure the care is 100% including POVA and more recently Activity requirments, it only takes one phone call to CSCI to voice concerns to have homes fully investigated, residents (who are able) can do this themselves, but so can any visitor to the homes or joe public who fels the need. (i dont work in a nursing home by the way so not being defensive). SS, i have mixed thoughts on, i know individual social workers can often have huge case loads to attempt to prioritise in a way they feel fit, but, imo, that doesnt excuse them from failing any one individual, that said, many people in need of help arent willing to accept whats on offer so it becomes a vicious circle. For every one "case" like the one mentioned, theres probably a thousand families, care homes, social workers that do a fantasic job of caring for children, elderly or disabled people who never get a mention, two of my close family members are being cared for by family, one, terminally ill, one elderly, blind and has onset of dementia, both being cared for in their own homes with one main carer each (family member) and everyone else chipping in when and how they can, some families can survive doing this, some cant, theres no right or wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kats inc Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 My local school has been told they have to leave the school lights on at night so that if burglars break in and injure themselves they can't sue the school for negligence.Apparently if the lights are turned off they can And on the local news only this week.... to stop break ins at allotments the users had put up barbed wire,the council said they had to remove it as thieves would sue them if they were injured.This country has gone barmy.Stark raving barmy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 My local school has been told they have to leave the school lights on at night so that if burglars break in and injure themselves they can't sue the school for negligence.Apparently if the lights are turned off they can And on the local news only this week.... to stop break ins at allotments the users had put up barbed wire,the council said they had to remove it as thieves would sue them if they were injured.This country has gone barmy.Stark raving barmy. that is totally and utterly ridiculous!!! it seems criminals have more rights than law abiding citizens!! you ought to post this in the PC thread x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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