Ruby1Nic Posted October 7, 2008 Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 Oh they break your heart don't they As others have said. I agree that there is no right or wrong answer. The 'new' dog is by no means a replacement for the one we have lost. As I 'grown up' I have lost 2 dogs that were PTS due to old age and then illness (although she was also older). I can honestly say the feeling of utter heartbreak when we came home and there was no wet black nose waiting behind the front door to greet us was almost too much to bear. I felt as if I could have literally taken a dog off the street to try and fill that void. I don't feel that disrespects the dogs we had lost, merely that we were desperate to offer another dog a good home. We have always had single dogs though so I wonder whether that made our sense of longing greater than if we'd had another dog to help ease the pain - I don't know and I'm not even sure that sentence coveys what I want it to ? I feel a bit sad now thinking of those I've lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReikiAnge Posted October 7, 2008 Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 I don't feel that disrespects the dogs we had lost, merely that we were desperate to offer another dog a good home. I don't think it does either, I think it shows just how much a dog was loved as part of the family and indeed how much they are missed when they are gone We have always had single dogs though so I wonder whether that made our sense of longing greater than if we'd had another dog to help ease the pain - I don't know and I'm not even sure that sentence coveys what I want it to ? I feel a bit sad now thinking of those I've lost When I've lost dogs, I am sure although the pain is unbearable, that it would have been even more so had I not had another dog(s) still around. I haven't been in the position of losing an only dog so maybe I don't really know, but I do know how much the other dogs have been a comfort, when nothing can really make things better, if that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacqui d Posted October 7, 2008 Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 After losing Tys (my wonderful staffie) i decided no more dogs, ever, 4 months later we adopted Chance (collie x) and two six months later Merlin came home. After losing Chance, i was adamant that there would be no more dogs as i couldnt stand the grief (we lost Chance to a car) but 3 months later Foster came to us as an emergency foster, 6 years later, he's still here I think it differs for everyone and what ever is right for the individual/family is best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irons Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 (edited) When i lost Bandit who had been my soul mate for 13 years i felt so unhappy to say the very least and the house was empty and so so not a home but i couldn't as i thought replace him then 5 months later i saw Murphy who needed a home on dog pages that was it i was in love again and new i had to have him in my life not to replace Bandit but to share my love and he came to us and turned the house back into a home again it took me 5 months to know that the time was right but friends of ours whos oldie went not long before Bandit were ready after a couple of weeks ,everyone is diferant and the time it takes them but you can love more than one dog and it takes nothing away from the one you have lost The pain is no less because you have another dog it shows that your heart is big enough to hold more than one I still miss Bandit after 3 years and think of him lots but Murph has made me happy again i like to think i have made Murph happy too Edited October 8, 2008 by irons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaLQ Posted October 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 I'm so sorry for everyones losses - and so very grateful for your advice and stories. After posting my anti-greyhound kind of post, I promptly went to bed, hid under the duvet and cried and cried...and cried. Evidently, I do want another greyhound or lurcher, desperately, but I know how unlikely it would be to find one that would suit us or whether it would be possible at all or whether we should even bother trying, and just go for a breed/type more likely to fit in. I'm so confused, I think I've proven to myself that I'm not ready, or maybe I was ready and have had too much time (being a stay at home mum) to mope. I cant help but think it would have been easier if I'd done less thinking and more adopting! But hubby wants to wait til after Christmas, so that's the plan. Unless the perfect dog comes up in the meantime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cycas Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 The pain is no less because you have another dog it shows that your heart is big enough to hold more than one That's a great way to put it, I like that... Evidently, I do want another greyhound or lurcher, desperately, but I know how unlikely it would be to find one that would suit us or whether it would be possible at all or whether we should even bother trying, and just go for a breed/type more likely to fit in. Sky was obviously a really special dog, but I wonder if because you know that, you are telling yourself a bit too firmly that no other sighthound could possibly fit in, that you are telling yourself you are looking for something that no other grey or lurcher could possibly match? For what it's worth, both of mine fit your requirements, apart from Az being nervous around kids, yet they really are very different to each other in terms of personality, and neither of them are dogs I had to wait and search for. I did have to do some training and practicing with the cats and rabbits of course, but I'm sure you are used to that. OK, you may not find the exact dog you've described right away, but I bet you could find an awful lot of dogs, even sighthounds, that could become that dog with a little time and work. It sounds like your situation, being at home a lot with a supportive animal-friendly family, would suit a lot of dogs, I think you may be underrating how desirable a home with people around most of the time can be! And OK, pulling could be an issue, but you'll probably have to train a springer or a collie or whatever not to pull anyway - if what you really want is a sighthound, why not put that training effort to that instead? I've always had cats, my dogs are my first 'my own' dogs - and you tend not to get the breed thing so much with cats, so it's never really occurred to me that when the dogs pass I might choose something completely different. I mean, I have 2 liverpool street mogs from the same family sitting on the sofa with me, one is queen of all she surveys, mostly-indoor cat, prefers the sedentary life, is afraid of nothing, and one is a timid little boy who likes to spend a lot of quiet time outdoors when he's not having a reassuring cuddle. They are so different, but not because of their breed, it's just who they are. I love them both but neither of them would fill the hole if the other one died, if that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaLQ Posted October 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Sky was obviously a really special dog, but I wonder if because you know that, you are telling yourself a bit too firmly that no other sighthound could possibly fit in, that you are telling yourself you are looking for something that no other grey or lurcher could possibly match? I think you might be right there. I'm just so scared of failing a dog, I dont know what's right. I can cope with a dog not being small animal friendly. Sky used to snap at the rat cages, or headbutt them on occasion, she was always out of the room when they were out, we always checked for cats, she was never offlead etc - she was a very keen lurcher and we lived with that. It'd be nice to have a small animal friendly one though, but I'm not looking for perfection. I'm more scared we wont find one that matches. Glues. You know. What with not having a car (or a driver lol), I cant take Blu to rescues to meet other dogs to see if he gets on with them - he's a 77kg dog, I couldn't get him on a bus for example. Then I have the kids to think of too - ideally my main concerns are bombproof with kids, and other dogs - small animal friendly is a bonus but not essential. The chances of finding a rescue who will rehome to us, and transport to us, without us visiting with kids/dog first, is highly unlikely - I dont expect anyone to do that for anyone, it's unreasonable for me to hope for that. The odds are stacked against us. Which is why we considered going to a breeder or adopting a private rehome (and therefore other breeds) - but while I wouldn't rule it out, I'm not really a puppy person (puppies are undeniably cute, but I prefer young adults or older pups at the youngest). Hubby just wants me to be happy and a dog that fits, he's not fussed on what breed make up they are. He doesn't want to adopt another til after Christmas. Thing is - I know how hard it's going to be to find someone who'll rehome to us, let alone the right dog - when do I get us "out there" on the homes offered places? Now? After Christmas? Ever? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 When my Maxie went to the Bridge I thought I would never stop crying but two weeks later we went to Battersea and came home with our Blue Boy. We lost Blue Boy two years later but wanted 8 weeks because Blue was poisoned and we had to find out how before getting another dog. We went to Battersea again and came home with Grip, she was joined a year later by Raffles. When we lost Grip I thought the pain would never ease but Elsa came into our lives. You never forget or stop loving your Bridge babies but I always think that while I am crying and hurting there is a dog sitting somewhere, lonely and sad and I can make it better by bringing him/her into our home and hearts. They bring their own love with them and it takes hold in your heart. It doesn't replace the love for the Bridge baby - that is there forever but it finds it's own place. Only you can know when you are ready. I think you will do the same as many of us - one day when you are not even really thinking about it, you will see/read/hear about a dog and something will click and that will be it. I wish ease for your pain as I know only too well how it feels, do any of us ever truly forget that pain?, no we do not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 you put that very well Kathy.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Evidently, I do want another greyhound or lurcher, desperately, but I know how unlikely it would be to find one that would suit us or whether it would be possible at all or whether we should even bother trying, and just go for a breed/type more likely to fit in. I know my greyhound Lee meets all your requirements, well apart from the fact he is a little boy not a girl, but my point is, that 2 of us have 3 dogs that meet your needs fairly well. I dont think your requirement list is that impossible and given time and patience I am sure you could find the right dog. I fully agree though, wait untill you find the right dog and take your time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaLQ Posted October 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 Thanks again for all the help and support. Missing her so much, and still feeling incredibly low and guilty about helping her go, it still just feels so wrong. I feel like such a drama queen - especially when I say I honestly dont think I can get over/past this. I know there'll be several folks saying "oh ffs, it's just a dog!" and I do have to get some sense of perspective on this, but I'm really struggling. Eeeeh heck, what a whinger, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
batmobile Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 Those who say : It was just a dog, FFS' have never loved a dog. You will feel better in time but that is in your own time and no one should ever tell you how much and how long you should grieve for. You will never 'fill the hole' but you will feel stronger eventually. Give yourself a break and allow yourself time to heal. Your heart is broken and needs time to mend. There is nothing weak or pathetic or whingey about that process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacobean Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 There is no time limit on grief. It's one of the worst things losing our beloved pets. They're with us for too short a time. Come and talk to us as much as you need to. It will get easier in time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irons Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 Those who say : It was just a dog, FFS' have never loved a dog. You will feel better in time but that is in your own time and no one should ever tell you how much and how long you should grieve for. You will never 'fill the hole' but you will feel stronger eventually. Give yourself a break and allow yourself time to heal. Your heart is broken and needs time to mend. There is nothing weak or pathetic or whingey about that process. In agreement with all that some one said "its just a dog " to me and i went ballistic they are part of your family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaLQ Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 Thank you so much folks - seriously dont know what I'd do without you! I had another big cry this morning (perhaps I'm hormonal!), saw a lurcher cross on preloved needing a home but I'm attempting to stick to my principles (eg better going to a rescue where the money goes back into rescuing more and you get back up). Might end up being our only option though (local private rehoming or breeder) if we cant find a way around the rescue obstacles though. Still get that falling feeling when I think about getting another dog, despite desperately wanting one, the thought scares the bejesus out of me. I have no idea why? It's not as if we didnt already have the responsibility and cost when we had two dogs....so why the fear now? Blu proved how much he's missing Sky today - Mick and I nipped over the road to Kathy's, and he barked the whole time - we could hear him, and he's never done that before (he doesn't like being seperated from us when we're in the house - eg shut in one room - but was never a problem when left with Sky). He's a big dog with a loud bark too - so not only is it stressful for him, but the neighbours too! No complaints yet though. I'm so sorry for wittering on - it's just so bl**dy hard - not only getting over it (if that's possible) but trying to work out what's best for the dog left behind. I dont know what to do. Hubby says it's best to wait but I dont like Blu being sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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