Marrying In A Church...

[cheryl33]

Hmmm, me and Adam have been discussing this recently. You know, just in case...

 

His family are Catholics, and go to church on a regular basis (he doesn;t). I'm not religious at all and I can't remember the last time I was in a church.

 

He wants to get married in the church he was a choir boy in/his mum got married in/he got christened in/where his gran is buried etc etc but I'd feel a bit of a hyprocite....

[Kathyw]

I am a Christian and got married in church. We wanted to make our promises before God. In this thread people have not mentioned Him much but have mentioned church buildings/priests/vicars. I can't understand why people who have no interest in God would want to get married in a church really ..... .

 

My aplogies. I was one of those who mention priests/churches etc but didn't say the most important thing for me was making my vows before God.

 

But when things have been very bad, I do seem to get strength from thinking 'well, I promised I'd do this in front of God so therefore I'd better sort it out /get on with it because that's the way it is'. Does that make sense?

 

I feel the same way and although at times I really have felt like throwing in the towel that is what stops me.

I stood at the alter and made promises to God who I believe in and they are not to be broken.

 

Belief is a very personnal thing but I do believe it is what keeps people trying to sort things out instead of bailing out.

In any other situation if things get 'difficult' I am on my toes.

[Jemimap]

My aplogies. I was one of those who mention priests/churches etc but didn't say the most important thing for me was making my vows before God.

 

That's what i meant when i said marriage for me would be religious rather than a legal thing. Making my vows before God

[Godin]

I have been married 3 times, yes folks thats right 3 times! and all of them were registry office weddings, I did not and have never wanted a church wedding and the last wedding was the only one I actually wore a dress for, but not a full wedding dress just a plain ivory dress. As far as I was concerned wedding 3 didn't need to happen but it was important to H, I was pregnant with Tom and H insisted that his son was going to be born in wedlock, he's very traditional in his views regarding things like that

 

Its not that I don't believe in god or religion even though I don't regularly attend church its just a church wedding wasn't for me, both of my children are baptised, they were both baptised together as methodists. I had never bothered having Kai baptised but again H was insistant on this and I gave Kai the option, he decided he wanted to be baptised with his brother

 

I believe its personal choice, I stand by the vows I made even though they were made in a civil ceremony and not in front of a priest, I made my vows to my husband, the man I love and that to me would mean the same wherever they were said and whomever they were said in front of, our commitment is to each other

[Spins4me]

I was married in a registry office 37 years ago and it was a bleak ceremony, no vows, no music, no readings but I definitely didn't want to be married in a church having no beliefs and no time for religion. I was made to go to Sunday school as a child but my parents didn't go to church and once I was old enough to resist going I didn't either. My children haven't been christened and never wanted to be.

 

My daughter was married at a "venue" two years ago. The ceremony was lovely, the registrar made it very special and there was music and friends and relatives did some readings. She wore a white wedding dress and had a bridesmaid. It was a lovely occasion and very personal.

[Abby]

I am a Christian and got married in church. We wanted to make our promises before God. In this thread people have not mentioned Him much but have mentioned church buildings/priests/vicars. I can't understand why people who have no interest in God would want to get married in a church really ..... .

 

To a large degree that is how I feel. I was brought up C of E, going to church every Sunday and the church formed our network of friends and social diary. I love churches for many reasons, but although I feel I am Christian in most of my values, I do not now believe in God or much of the formal doctrine of the faith.

 

Therefore, I could not get have a religious ceremony because the vows I make would be to a person / force I believe doesn't exist, which for me invalidates it all. I feel quite strongly about this - I think I'd feel like I was fibbing.

 

On the other hand, I love churches, and they have playeda big part of my life. I've always assumed if I got wed it would be a civil ceremony in a fantastic old building of some kind - I even have found one hotel that has a decommissioned chapel in its grounds where you can get married.

 

 

Of course, the C of E have looked after and cared for these wonderful old buildings for over 500 years, but I think it's rather nice that they aren't exclusive about them and are as welcoming as possible to all comers.

 

I agree with this. I am confident that should I ever feel the need, say in hard times, I could go and attend a church service on the basis that it felt like a part of my life (even if an inactive one) and gave me comfort, and the people in charge would welcome me on those grounds.

[Fee]

I'm personally much more upset by people having their children christened when they aren't religious and have no intention of fulfilling any of the promises made in the ceremony.

 

I caved in to family pressure and became Godmother to one of my nephews, but felt very unhappy about it and a complete hypocrite. My explanation that I didn't want to do because I wasn't religious met with total incomprehension, nobody (in that particular part of the family) seemed to think that had anything to do with it

[redditchlady]

I'm personally much more upset by people having their children christened when they aren't religious and have no intention of fulfilling any of the promises made in the ceremony.

 

I caved in to family pressure and became Godmother to one of my nephews, but felt very unhappy about it and a complete hypocrite. My explanation that I didn't want to do because I wasn't religious met with total incomprehension, nobody (in that particular part of the family) seemed to think that had anything to do with it

 

 

I think you have a good point there. I caved in to family pressure and had Amelia Christened at 18 months old.

 

Hypothetically, I think if I were to have any more children, (impossible now with history of PKD) I wouldn't bother with a Christening, let the child make up their own mind when old enough.

 

I was confirmed at 13 years old, my Gran wanted to be Confirmed, she had just lost her Son at 37 from a massive brain hemorrhage and was heading for a nervous breakdown. As I was very close to Gran (Mum's Mum) I agreed, maybe for the wrong reasons.

 

I think in all fairness, as we get older, we get wiser and I do believe if we knew in hindsight then a lot of us would have done things differently, not just on this subject, but other things as well.

 

I wish I could turn the clock back 20 odd years, but I can't so have to live with those decisions I have made in the past.

 

Sorry to go off on a ramble.

 

Just my thoughts coming out.

 

Kazz xx

[Abby]

Oddly, given my views, I am godmother to 2 of my siblings children, and they were both christened in church. I thought it through carefully and after talking to them, decided to do it on the basis that I felt comfortable and able to guide the children through religion as they needed it.

 

I didn't however, say all of the bits of the vows but my siblings know why and they know I will do what they need me to do.

[Kathyw]

I have many Godchildren - I think for two reasons. One I have no children of my own and the parents of my Godchildren know that I take the vows I make for them seriously.

 

I fell out many years ago with a cousin of mine (over a doglet) but have maintained contact with her two children who are now parents themselves.

My cousin is a churchgoer and ancouraged the contact thankfully.

[ReikiAnge]

I made my vows to my husband, the man I love and that to me would mean the same wherever they were said and whomever they were said in front of, our commitment is to each other

 

That's exactly how I feel. It's my husband I choose to spend the rest of my life with. We weren't married in a church.

[jackin]

as a christian I do not mind if people only come to church for weddings funerals or christenings.

They come into His presence no matter what they believe and have known people to have their first real encounter with the Big Man when in the normal way they would never give it a second thought.

My neice was enagaged to a very controlling man he refused to come to the wedding as it would be all her family.

The priest spoke of the need for people who are married to keep their own identities and read a lovely poem about the need to have the wind should have to blow between people to keep them together.

She came out of church rang him and ended the relationship much to families relief.Truely think she was spoken to.

 

Another man because a christian at a funeral and could go on with stories.

 

As you can see I believe that there is more in life than bricks and pretty buildings churches are site of spiritual power and those of you who are pagans many churches are places over ancient places.

[cycas]

I can't understand why people who have no interest in God would want to get married in a church really ..... .

 

Well, because churches are old, interesting, traditional buildings that have been the centre of many communities for a long time.

 

They were built for worship, but I think a lot of what they are actually used for really relates to the relationships between people, and the way that communities interact, as much as the relationship of an individual with their God.

 

There are plenty of Christians who don't feel that they need to attend a traditional church service (which is, after all, an idea that people came up with during the later history of the religion: I understand that early Christianity was not big on stained glass windows or crucifixes.) Some people feel they can worship in that tradition without a physical church building. Likewise, there are people who want to use the church building without thinking too much about God.

 

I have attended plenty of church services, although I am not a Christian - I go because the people who have arranged them wanted to hold a traditional public event to celebrate their wedding, or to present their children to their family and friends, or to say goodbye to someone. Just because I don't follow the religion doesn't mean that these other social meanings of church events are meaningless to me.

 

Chances are that when my mother dies, I shall arrange her funeral to be held at her parish church. Not because I want to say goodbye in the presence of a god that I don't believe in, or because I believe that she will know what's going on (she'll be dead after all, I'm guessing the format of her funeral won't bother her) but because her friends will expect it that way, and because the church was part of her life, if not mine, and it just seems like the right place to do it.

 

I didn't arrange to get married there, but I can see that if you were, say, an agnostic in a big family of churchgoers, you might choose that option.

Edited April 1, 2008 by cycas

[heva]

Only just saw this thread and was tlaking to someone about it in work today ....as it's something that does my nut in a bit

 

We do marry couples in our churches who do not regularily attend, but we do insist that they meet with the priest several times before their marriage & we also ask that they attend services at the very least when their banns are being called, the way we look at it is in lots of ways, if a couple marries in church they then tend to feel a connection to that church, we have seen it frequently that after being married by us they come back for their childrens baptisms even from overseas, we also have had more than one non regular attendee couple or the husband or wife start to attend regularily following their marriage or following a baptism because we stay in contact with "our" couples by holding special services during the year, sending christmas cards, easter cards, and copies of our parish magazine monthly etc. This year we also have several people going for confirmation that we married 2 years ago, if we'd turned them away then that wouldn't be happening.

 

Moreover what you need to remember when it comes to church is that the very basis of christianity is not to turn people away whether you go once a year at christmas or once in your lifetime to be married (or more than once in some cases) you are still very welcome - we don't hold a poll on the door every Sunday questioning peoples motives for being there, thats not the role of church or of the priest, that is between them and God.

 

i couldnt agree more snow.......and being a church goer i have seen quite a few times people reg attending church through coming for the first time through an event (wedding christening funeral etc)

 

But i have to question why on earth you would want to marry your partner in a church if they did not believe in God. As he/she woulc be saying vows to you in front of a god they dont believe in.....therefore why would they keep their vows......

And i hate the 'but they look good for a picture thing'

I'm getting married in my original family church (my current church is free church so not yet reg) where i got christened and my mum still goes....with my fiance who also goes to church every week.......by my old youth worker (now a minister) who first introduced me to god........... and already we have had none-religious fmaily members askign more questions about faith so im chuffed!!!!

[Brenda]

Only just saw this thread and was tlaking to someone about it in work today ....as it's something that does my nut in a bit

 

 

 

i couldnt agree more snow.......and being a church goer i have seen quite a few times people reg attending church through coming for the first time through an event (wedding christening funeral etc)

 

But i have to question why on earth you would want to marry your partner in a church if they did not believe in God. As he/she woulc be saying vows to you in front of a god they dont believe in.....therefore why would they keep their vows......

And i hate the 'but they look good for a picture thing'

I'm getting married in my original family church (my current church is free church so not yet reg) where i got christened and my mum still goes....with my fiance who also goes to church every week.......by my old youth worker (now a minister) who first introduced me to god........... and already we have had none-religious fmaily members askign more questions about faith so im chuffed!!!!

 

 

I agree too, Snow and Heva.

 

I am a Christian and all for getting people into church, but I too struggle to understand why people would want to say their vows before a God they don't believe in. I also can't understand why non-Christians would want their children baptised in Church when they don't believe in God.

 

This is an example of what parents & Godparents respond to in a Christian Baptism service.

 

Priest:

Do you believe in God the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth?

 

All:

We do believe.

 

Priest:

Do you believe in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord, who was born of the virgin Mary, was crucified, died and was buried, rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father?

 

All:

We do believe.

 

Priest:

Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy catholic Church, the Communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting?

 

All:

We do believe.

 

Priest:

This is our faith. This is the faith of the Church. We are proud to profess it in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord. May the Holy Spirit be with us to guide and strengthen us as we take on the responsibility of Christian parents, godparents and community.

 

Surely if they are not Christians then they are lying - just can't see the point. Sorry, this bit a bit from the original post, but I think the principal is the same.