ZiggysMum Posted November 21, 2007 Report Share Posted November 21, 2007 This is going to be hard. Please forgive the grimness of my tale but it is something I need to write. Baz came into my life in late December 1998, by accident - she had been taken to the vets to be put to sleep as the family were getting a new pup. Baz was only around 7 months old. My old collie, Kayleigh, was not impressed... but Baz brought her a new lease of life in her 14th and final year. Kayleigh I miss you too, still - you were the dog of a lifetime - but I know you had a lovely life. Baz was a funny mix of sweet intelligence, humour and affection - and fear aggression, which I managed with the help of training and always being aware of any risk in the situations she had to deal with. She was wonderful with everyone she knew, but wanted others to just leave her alone. She played with my daughter from her being a baby onwards - gentle but hilarious as they towed each other about, Baz humouring a tiny bossy handler with great generosity. She played fetch as only a ball-obsessed collie can, she loved to swim, we walked the Lake District, went camping, we had fun. She curled up with me when I was feeling down... and through my divorce, I never really felt alone. As Baz got older, she grew more nervous - sight and hearing fine, she always had arthritis and that was under control. But she became scared of bangs, of shouts, of anything she didn't understand and I worked hard to manage this and give her a good life. In July this year, she was knocked over by my other dog whilst in gleeful mid-chase, and injured her tail - the injury was base of her spine and too high for docking. This pain, though medicated, didn't help her frame of mind. On the 3rd of August this year, while out for a lunchtime walk with my friend, and totally against character, Baz turned tail and ran back home. She couldn't get in, I was at work. As my friend sprinted back to her, she was cornered at my back door by one of my neighbours' young girl, who I gather patted her bum. My poor, lovely scared Baz nipped her on the cheek - no skin broken, just a 'please go away' message from a hurting dog. By the time I found this out through a phonecall at work, the police had been called by the girl's mum. Long story short - I had to have my clever, mixed up girl put to sleep. It was the worst thing I've ever had to do. The lovely lady vet allowed me to sedate her myself before we went in, before she had chance to get scared. Baz was happy, she fell asleep eating her favourite cheddar from my hand as she sat cradled in my lap. Her heart took so long to stop. I held it together while she went, wanting to reassure her all was well. After she'd gone, I completely broke down. I carried her out in my arms, in floods of tears, wracked with guilt and pain at the horror of what I'd had to do. I had to explain to my 8 year old daughter where her beloved Bazzy had gone. I said she'd been ill - some truths are too much. When I went, a week later to collect her ashes and her bed from the pet crem, I found that Baz had had a huge postmortem haemmorage from her bowel. I can't descibe the horror, the amount of blood, or the smell of her rotting bed. I threw up til I couldn't any more. The vet says that for this to happen, my Baz must have been very ill in any case - with no symptoms so far. Maybe that's why she ran for home. If I rationalise it, the awful thing that happened spared her an undignified painful death. But the guilt is crippling - I should have protected her better, I should have been there. Let this stand as sad tribute to my Baz - a funny, clever, sweet smelling, kind and scared little cross-breed collie who spent her life giving so much to her family but could never shake off the horrors of her puppyhood. Baz, I'm so so sorry - please forgive me for the awful thing I had to do, I hope you didn't feel betrayed. Be at peace my sweetheart, noone can hurt you any more. We love you and we'll never forget you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherlock Bones Posted November 21, 2007 Report Share Posted November 21, 2007 Please don't feel guilty - you did the bravest, most bravest and kindest thing you can do for a dog. Your words show just how truly Baz was loved Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted November 21, 2007 Report Share Posted November 21, 2007 I am so, so sad for you, and please don't feel guilty. It is the most tragic story and had me in tears but always remember that Baz had a great life with you and knew how much she was loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmb3971 Posted November 21, 2007 Report Share Posted November 21, 2007 Thinking of you. I hope in time all the happy memories can shine through over the sadness you are going through. Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tilly1712 Posted November 21, 2007 Report Share Posted November 21, 2007 That's so sad and I really feel for you It's hard not to, but you mustn't feel guilty, you saved her life when she was 7 months old and you've done everything you could for her since. You should be proud that you helped her have a lovely life. Try to remember the good times Run free Baz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Houndwoman Posted November 21, 2007 Report Share Posted November 21, 2007 What a sad story Please don't blame yourself for what happened Baz will be at peace now and waiting to see you again one day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda Posted November 21, 2007 Report Share Posted November 21, 2007 Such a sad story. You saved Baz in every sense of the word, please don't feel guilty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsmum Posted November 22, 2007 Report Share Posted November 22, 2007 How very sad, and hard for you. Baz was obviously your great friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZiggysMum Posted November 26, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 26, 2007 Thank you all - it's been cathartic to write Baz's story down, I miss her every day but it's not a comfortable burden to carry. Your lovely words help. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greytgirl Posted November 26, 2007 Report Share Posted November 26, 2007 I am so, so sad for you, and please don't feel guilty. It is the most tragic story and had me in tears but always remember that Baz had a great life with you and knew how much she was loved. same from me..oh my what a sad story, Im so so sorrr you had to go through this, I can only echo what others have said you are having a time of it aren't you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissa Posted November 26, 2007 Report Share Posted November 26, 2007 I'm so sorry you did what you had to do - it must have been so hard for you Run free from pain Baz, she will know you did the best for like always Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merledogs Posted November 26, 2007 Report Share Posted November 26, 2007 I am so so sorry that you had to go through that, but you did your best for the beautiful girl and you did not let her down, you weren't to know Run free at the Bridge sweet angel, free from pain now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracyb Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 This had me in tears myself, I lost my wonderful collie boy to cancer on 15th December last year. He was like your baby, a nervous rescue who was frightened of his own shadow. I brought him home at 4 mths, he was scared of everything especially children. It took months to get him to go near a child & I thank the local girls who used to sit & let him approach them before tickling under his chin. He was my lifeline through my divorce & my grandad's death. He was frightened of bumps & bangs and used to run off. It took hours of play with a ball to build his confidence. We'd only just celebrated my 40th birthday & his 11th in Oct last year- 3 days apart. We went to our usual place in Scotland that he loved, peace & quiet gave me a 'normal' dog. It was only in Nov he didn't eat his tea one day & seemed quiet, from that day the next 3 weeks were a roller coaster. I can only say to have to make that fatefull journey is so difficult, we sat with him whilst he was given morphine & sedative. I know what you went through to sit til the end & I'm sure you're girl like Glenn started the journey in peace & contentment knowing they were loved. We can beat ourselves up for not knowing there was something wrong- I've done it so many times this last year. But she will find a way to ease your sadness, other people may think I'm crazy but the day after I lost Glenn I found two joined feathers on the path outside. I've come across them since in the weirdest of places. Take comfort from the fact you gave her your best & her action that day was not usual. She will be happy at the bridge with all our friends who wait for us to join them.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irons Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 (edited) Oh my tears are falling thinking of your beautiful girl you gave her a great life and now she is having fun fun fun at The Bridge RIP gorgeous Baz Look out for my Collie lad who went in 2005 Edited November 29, 2007 by irons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akitas Posted November 30, 2007 Report Share Posted November 30, 2007 That is a very sad story :mecry: You rescued her from early death and cared for her, loved her. She looks very happy in the pictures. Please, don't feel guilty. Rest in peace Baz. have lots of fun at the Bridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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