chuckey-lee Posted April 30, 2007 Report Share Posted April 30, 2007 ok, Ive been wanting to explain this since the thread about the child-abuse was closed but just coulndt find the right words in said thread I mentioned that I was sexually abused from a very young age but I dint mean to ask for sympathy for myself ( altho Im am very very gratefull for the hugs I got from you luvely peeps ) I just wanted for peeps to be able to see it from a 'victim's ' point of view and to make it more understandable why children do see their abuser(s) from a different perspective then outsiders will and as I have no probs with talking about it ,I had a go in trying to explain but my head was just in overdrive because there was sooo much more I wanted to say ,I was just looking for the right words and then come back,but the topic was already closed I do however got the feeling that some people might see me with different eyes now and maybe even feel sorry for me,but PLEASE dont, its not nessesary, Im still the same mad person as before this What I did really want to say, is that I would like to express just how important I think family-life is and people should be more interested in how to bring their children up instead of how the statusladder can be climbed the fastest one good thing has come of it tho, it has really made me think and I've disscused it with my OH who also thinks it's a good idea, we've decided that we want to sell our house and his mum and her partner also sell theirs so we can buy something together where we can help each other out a bit more . Mum can help me with the kids and in return I can help her clean house and stuff. I also said to OH that it's not really fair that we leave mum's care all to her partner and then complain that he's not doing the best job. Mum's health isn't very good, lots of complications and too long a story to go into now,but one thing is for sure, she's not going to get much better then she is now anyhow, I hope this explains it and if anybody wants to talk about the subject a bit more,please feel free (or pm me if you dont wanna put it on here) love, Vivian -xxx- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greytgirl Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 Sorry I didnt see the original thread, but I think you are brave for speaking about it..in fact I think you are AMAZING. I have a 6 year old daughter who I ADORE! She is my number 1 and to think ANYONE could abuse any child in ANY way..sexually, mentally or physically just utterly disgusts, sickens and saddens me. There is a program on ITV now..Jeremy Kyle (which I dont usually watch but its about paeodaphilia) and I just cant believe it goes on as its not in my comprehension, it breaks my heart..completely! I can understand why you don't want sympathy, which I will not give..just applause and amazement at how brave you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacobean Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 I've completely missed the thread too. There are so many people out there that this has happened to that are not able to speak about it. You are so brave to be able to discuss this and say it has happened to you. Paedophiles are quite often where you would least think. Sorry I don't wish to worry loving parents any more than they already do but it's the truth. It makes my blood run cold to think how many children there are out there that this is happening to that for one reason or another cannot tell any adults and the lives this has affected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 I am glad you are able to speak openly as it will help others in a similar situation, and also add to understanding of the subject. At least people are more aware these days that abuse happens, and children stand a rather better chance of getting help. My first partner was subjected to abuse from the age of 8 to 14 and had nowhere to turn. He found solace in thieving, and this led to housebreaking and he was caught and sent to approved school. The school was run by very strict, chaste and devout monks, and he felt so safe there that he kept misbehaving every time he was due to be sent home, so his time was lengthened and he didn't go home until he was old enough and strong enough to deal with the abusive father. 3 other friends in my age group were also abused by close relatives. Like you, my ex was able to talk about all this. He didn't want sympathy, just wanted to get on with his life. People often say that children were safer in the forties and fifties, but I can assure you that this was only the case if there was no abuser in the family. If there was, they were even more at risk than they are now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trallwm farm Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 The only way it would change anyones opinion of you is for the better. You are brave,balanced,caring and a born survivor. You also now have the ability to teach and protect because of your experiences. You are very articulate and able to recall accurately from the experiences so helping people understand a childs viewpoint on thier abuser. By coming forward you will have taught each of us something and that lesson will help protect a child ultimately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
our little godsend Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 I don't see you any different Your still my mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amanda72 Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 I never read the thread either, but I think you are very brave woman to come and talk about it, I could never have done that... :flowers: Well done you, and as for the idea I think it is a fab idea!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
border collie Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 Viv I always thought you were wonderful and that post just proved it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 As I didn't know you before I cant see you differently / know whether others might but at the time I thought it was either a very brave or a distressed post. From what you say in this one I assume the former. Your latest decision also seems a brave and very selfless act - I too think the family is very important and certainly dont like the idea of old peoples homes (some of them I've been in are awful!) However, whilst I'd do it it ever became necessary I wouldn't relish it to be honest so I think you should be very proud of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 I can understand why you don't want sympathy, which I will not give..just applause and amazement at how brave you are. I did see the original thread. I agree totally with Greytgirl's sentiments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckey-lee Posted May 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 There is a program on ITV now..Jeremy Kyle (which I dont usually watch but its about paeodaphilia) and I just cant believe it goes on as its not in my comprehension, it breaks my heart..completely! I love Jeremy, he's my heroe I think he's brilliant, he just says what most people think but dont dare to say and I did watch the episode this morning . I so totally agree with him that there's NO excuse, no matter how bad a childhood you've had, it should be all the more reason NOT to do to others what you had done to you , break that circle ! it did however also made me realize one of the reasons that I fell out with my mother (not spoken/seen her for 9 yrs) ,she know's that somethings happend but all she had to say was ' go and get some councelling, it worked for me' .She even told some people that it could've never happend and I must have made it all up . Not even a ' sorry that I couldnt have prevented this happening to you' As I didn't know you before I cant see you differently / know whether others might but at the time I thought it was either a very brave or a distressed post. From what you say in this one I assume the former. Your latest decision also seems a brave and very selfless act - I too think the family is very important and certainly dont like the idea of old peoples homes (some of them I've been in are awful!) However, whilst I'd do it it ever became necessary I wouldn't relish it to be honest so I think you should be very proud of yourself. Ian, this was exactly the reason for this post, I didnt want people think that it had upset me, I just wanted to make everybody understand why I can sometimes react very passionately about anything to do with this thanks everybody for calling me brave and all :blush02: I dont see myself that way at all cause for me it's a ' normal' thing to be able to talk about it, but yes I do agree that if I helped just one person with my post , that would be great Kathy, you should've seen the original thread ,it was you who posted it http://www.rykat.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=23863 ps Owl, a big hug to your OH ,Im glad that like me he has found a reason to turn hislife around for the better :flower: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted May 1, 2007 Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 .php?showtopic=23863[/url]ps Owl, a big hug to your OH ,Im glad that like me he has found a reason to turn hislife around for the better :flower: Just to clarify, it wasn't my current OH I was talking about, but my first partner who is an ex from way back. Sadly we have lost touch, although we did part on fairly good terms. Wherever he is, I hope he is OK as he is a nice fella. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckey-lee Posted May 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2007 sorry Owl, I just realised this and wanted to come to change it, you just beat me to it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mop Posted May 2, 2007 Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 WOW Chuckey-Lee, what a wonderful person you are to have come through this as a well balanced person. Having been the only carer for my husband I understand how people can fall down on the caring for someone. There were many times when I couldn't give Bill the care he needed, mainly because I was ill or exhausted with it all. You then get the guilt because you are not capable of giving them the care they need. You ask for help, but all you get is lip service so have to continue to do your best which is way short of what they need. Nobody wants to known, nobody cares enough to help you. Some carers are so exhusted and depressed they start to shout abuse or even hit them, thankfully I never got to that stage, but when they do, they are sued for abuse. Nobody does this to someone they love unless they are, I am having problems finding the words now. It has brought things back and I am now crying but can't finish it. If I can later I will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greytgirl Posted May 2, 2007 Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 (edited) I love Jeremy, he's my heroe I think he's brilliant, he just says what most people think but dont dare to say and I did watch the episode this morning . I so totally agree with him that there's NO excuse, no matter how bad a childhood you've had, it should be all the more reason NOT to do to others what you had done to you , break that circle ! it did however also made me realize one of the reasons that I fell out with my mother (not spoken/seen her for 9 yrs) ,she know's that somethings happend but all she had to say was ' go and get some councelling, it worked for me' .She even told some people that it could've never happend and I must have made it all up . Not even a ' sorry that I couldnt have prevented this happening to you' thanks everybody for calling me brave and all I dont see myself that way at all cause for me it's a ' normal' thing to be able to talk about it, but yes I do agree that if I helped just one person with my post , that would be great You are EXTREMELY brave... sorry but you are, you have come through this and are helping others in the mean time by talking about it and showing how you can come through it. As for your mothers reaction... how? why?? if my daughter EVER (God forbid) said ANYTHING in the remotest to make me think anything was going on with ANYONE..my hubby, dad..bro..then I would take her word for it, and if it wasn't true then so be it, but I would rather risk losing a relationship with someone (although not very nice) than EVER putting my child at risk or not believing her, she is and always will be MY priority, I would fight the DEVIL for her Again thanks for sharing and take care hun xx ps..I do watch Jeremy, just didn't want to look like the only one to sit and watch chat shows in a morn hee!! Edited May 2, 2007 by greytgirl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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