scotslass

I'm so sorry you and your mum are facing this. Can I suggest that you interrogate the doctors about any proposed treatment before they start? When my mother had cancer, and it had spread to her liver, we were told she'd have "about 6 months on average". A week or two later, we had a letter from the hospital suggesting "treatment", so off we went, all the way to Glasgow, two hours' drive away. We sat around for hours "surrounded by poor sick people" as Mum said, until I finally collared a passing doctor and asked what was going on. To cut a long story short, he told me that "a new treatment was having some success". I asked him what exactly he meant by "success" - he was extremely reluctant to give me stats, but finally muttered "some people have survived for up to nine months". So, if my poor Mum had been prepared to make herself a guinea pig for their treatment, she'd have spent the last months of her life feeling sick, possibly losing her hair and probably spending much of the time in hospital - all for a potential extra 3 months. Instead, we took her home where her pain was well controlled by our excellent GPs and community nurses, and she lived out her time - almost 6 months - in peace. My heart goes out to you both. Wishing you strength.

Welcome home, Ellie, to your wonderful new life.

What a beautiful girl. May she have many happy years with you.

I'm so sad to read this - Abby was such a wee character and she had a lovely life with you. Night night, Abby pet. and for your family.

Whoops! I have obviously forgotten how to quote and reply... Let's try again... I know what you mean, Owl, and thank you for that reply. I just picked a link at random - as will be evident, I've never attempted to study Buddhism. My worry is perhaps that all religions and belief systems have compelled us to turn "extremely complex concepts into something horribly simple" for the simple reason that most folk aren't theologians or philosophers. If the truth is not open, evident and free to all, how does it benefit us? Why do we need wise men/leaders/priests/nutcases to interpret on our behalf?

I was brought up by a fairly strict religious (Christian, evangelical) mother - that, combined with school, church and a 50s Scottish background, has led to more internal conflict and depression than I care to contemplate. I cannot imagine why anyone would say he/she is Christian if it isn't true. I cannot imagine how people find it comforting to have a faith which leads to their eternal life, but damns others to hell for not believing in the same deity. I cannot understand the concept of karma. I have just read this again http://www.londonbuddhistvihara.org/qa/qa_kamma.htm#qa_kamma3 and find it incomprehensible that anyone would take comfort in the fact that our miseries, misfortunes and illnesses are somehow a consequence of things we have done in a previous life. Or that animals are sometimes creatures who have not sufficiently good karma to become human. I'm paraphrasing - and probably not "getting" the whole philosophy, but it is very unappealing. Seems to me that most religions/belief systems have much in common. There's usually a male deity or spiritual leader involved. Women are usually relegated to the sidelines while men don the long robes and interpret the teachings for womens' lesser minds. Poor people are encouraged to accept their lot, and rich people deserve their good luck and power. I'd like to think that when a life is over, it's over. No starting up again, no endless damnation, no eternal joy - how could I, as a compassionate human being, relish the prospect of my joy when others were suffering?

Thank you everyone! I did have a lovely day; was given a Kindle (yay!) and lots of cards - including one from my very new first grandchild, Alexander.

I'm so sorry, Nigel - what a sad time you've been having. Thinking of you.

Happy gotcha day, sweetheart. Looking handsome as ever. Liz x

We had more snow yesterday in West Yorkshire, and overnight, though it's sunny now. Still snow and ice on our road as well as the pavements, so few cars around, and those who do venture forth (why??) are skidding. It's dangerous to walk on the pavements because of them. We'd been hoping to go north on Thursday to see my son and daughter-in-law in Fife - she's 30 weeks pregnant. They can't get out of their road and their cars are stuck fast, though my son trudged across town yesterday to get to work. Don't think we'll be seeing them after all, so let's hope it clears before Christmas. I suppose if it were only an inch or two, and it didn't last for months, that would be fun - but I can't help remembering last winter. We had frozen pipes in Galloway, and weren't able to go anywhere.

Well, that's a bit of a turnaround from your previous posts. I don't see what difference it makes - in that position, wouldn't it be more helpful to acknowledge that there are genuine grounds for concern? After all, if someone says "I don't like this and here's why", it's not useful to tell us a) we have nothing to complain about, or that b) we should avoid complaining because there's only one person moderating. Oh, that was helpful of them , but unfortunately some people just love a bit of conflict. I can't see where your name was even mentioned. Excellent post, Owl. I agree.

Great house. I love the miniature labs!

Peggy Didn't know hens could do pleading expressions.

Lovely pics. Bonnie isn't keen on a coat, although her own furry coat isn't very thick. She's getting used to it, but we had to endure many days of her 'straitjacket walk', with stiff legs and a pained expression.

Absolutely agree - a very sensible post. Surely it must be useful to find out what people dislike about the forum? If they have gone because they didn't feel comfortable, isn't it good to know why they felt that way, so that we can improve the atmosphere? (not aimed at you, Sam, obviously). I found the whole tone of Snow's post hostile and defensive - that sort of thing is far more likely to put new posters off than an honest exchange of views about what we do or don't like. We should be free, surely, to express our feelings about this, without feeling it's going to be taken personally?

Oops. Another late one! Hope you had a lovely day.

It's here in West Yorkshire - this is our street five minutes ago...

I second that. You have a wonderful way with words.

That is terribly bad luck - hope he finds something else soon.

Oooh, thats one of mine. Yuck. olives pickles (any sort) fish with visible bones stewed apples with stringy bits pineapple runny boiled eggs rice pudding

Can I just add - I would nowadays always advocate a space to think when there's a probem in a relationship. Some people get enough space just by being with friends or extended family, and it puts things into perspective. In my experience, when you're put under constant pressure by your partner and he's accusing you of all sorts, making you feel guilty and so on - you don't get that space. Either you're too low in mood to go anywhere and socialise normally, or your head is too full of "his stuff" for you to think straight. That's why I think the OP needs help and support for herself, somewhere safe. It doesn't mean she won't choose to go on with her relationship; she may do, after she's had time to think about it.

I've been wondering whether to respond to this post, but I can't just leave it, I'm afraid. Why on earth should anyone have to accommodate a partner's sexual tastes if they don't want to be involved? Why should they feel coerced or bullied into going along with them? As others have said, it sounds very unlikely that this man is depressed - one of the first things to go is one's sexual appetite. He sounds like someone who wants something he can't have. I don't happen to think we're entitled to a sex life which offends/disturbs/worries the person we live with. If his habits are so important to him that he can't be a loving partner without them, then he has a bit of a problem. I actually think it's pretty repulsive to suggest that one partner should go along with the other's "wants" - because that's what they are (they certainly aren't needs) - even if that means "just" condoning his socialising with like-minded others. Why should she? There are plenty of loving, fun, supportive, caring men out there who don't have a tick box of requirements to be met. I'd suggest the OP deserves one of them, but meantime she should perhaps give herself a break while she works out what her own needs are. to the OP.

Thinking of Hamish and his family.