K9Fran Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 My youngest is driving us all mad. He's a smart lad (in top 3 for Science, highest mark for english AND greatest overall improvement in English and overall acheivement award in Year 6) He started a new school in Sept, which his brother goes to and has settled in well, but not #3 son. His old best friend (who lives across the road from us) has now become joined at the hip to #2 sons' best friend, so he no longer plays with #3 son. #3 son is being bullied and teachers have failed so far to do anything (although OH has had verbal promises that now they know, this will change) he's been in A & E because some children decided it would be a good idea to jump on him after he fell over in the play ground following some horse play. He's broken his glasses (and his brothers glasses) in frustration. He still sucks his thumb and will also suck his t-shirt, he cries with frustration when his Dad gets on to him, he finds it very difficult to stick to the social 'rules' like eating politely, saying please and thank you - so he appears arrogant and rude, when he's not really, he's a very loving and thoughtful little boy, he just sticks to the essentials and follows instructions to the letter, how ever little sense they make. Because of this, he has few friends, and tries to join in with his brothers games. Most frustrating of all, he soils his pants.......... I feel like I've failed him. I've always felt he was 'different' but when I took him to the health visitor she dismissed me.I'd also known he was very smart, so when his previous SATS results all came back below expectations I was suprised, his last teacher in junior school really got a handle on him and motivated him, and now he seems to be sliding back - he gets detentions for not doing his homework, he doesn't want to go to school etc............ His Dad and I would like to get him some help, both with the school issues, but also with the social interactions, but we don't know where to start - would the GP be the person to see? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
safneo Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 I have no personal experience of this problem, though my daughter was bullied in her first couple of years at senior school. Your story re your sons behaviour does ring bells with others that I've heard on here from parents that have also been dismissed by teachers/healthworkers etc. It is possible that your son has special teaching needs (not sure if its aspergers or something along a similar spectrum?) and I think you should push to get him properly assessed. I'm sure that a few of the lovely fugees who have been through similar circumstances will offer suitable advice. In the meantime can you see if the school can provide him with an older boy 'mentor' at school. This is something I have heard at from other senior schools where younger pupils have difficulties settling in. I have to say in no way have you failed him. You can only help if you know what the exact problem is and until that time all you can do is push to get to the bottom of his problem in anyway you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiona711 Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 (edited) I have pm'd you I would just like to add you have in no way failed your son , you have recognized a problem and have asked for some help thats the sign of a loving caring mum who wants the best for her son Fiona xx Edited October 19, 2008 by Fiona711 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotslass Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 You certainly haven't failed him, but it sounds as though you aren't getting the professional help you need. Ask the school to refer your son to the educational psychologist for an assessment - it's time you and your child had the help and support you've been seeking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kats inc Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Ask the school to refer your son to the educational psychologist for an assessment - it's time you and your child had the help and support you've been seeking. This is what I was going to say.Also ask to speak to your allocated school nurse and talk through a referral to CAMHS (Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services).If he struggles with social skills but is highly bright it may be something like high functioning asperger's.He needs a proper diagnosis though done through the proper channels.School nurse can provide emotional support for you all.Your HV needs a kick up the arse to have not supported you although to be fair no-one will diagnose anything like this in pre-school children anyway but the support should have still been available for you. You have not let him down and should not blame yourself in any way at all Actually adding to that if his school attendance is becoming a problem you could also get the education welfare officer for the school involved. I'm not sure where you live but ask if you have Team Around the Child processes in place and if so request one is set up. Team Around The Child (TAC) info Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 I was going to suggest Aspergers as this is what it sounds like. Children who suffer with it are very complex and need specialist help to understand what is going on around them,they just dont see things the way other people see them. I wish you and him good luck and hope he finds help quickly. You have not failed him because you have seen the problem and are helping him. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babsc71 Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 You are most definately not a failure, Fran. Email me if you think I can be any help, Babs aka Winstonsmum xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judith gsd Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 I have got a son similar to yours too. I have always thought he was different from my other 5. Some of the children suffered from dyspraxia, we paid privately to have their brains retrained through the DORE Foundation (now gone into liquidation). It was whilst my eldest son was working for the same managing director of that business/charity when he mentioned to the director, that his brother could help him with his computer security. He took him along the following week, and his brother continued to work for the Company for the rest of the school holidays. The thing that my eldest didn't tell them was that his brother was just 13! It was then that my son said he thought he may be dyslexic, because he was sitting next to a man who was working on a programme to test quickly on a computer if someone maybe suffering from that, or related conditions. He said I come up with several of the indications towards the condition. We made an appointment to see their resident doctor. We were told that he had indeed got dyslexia, and ADHD and dyspraxia. So we enrolled him on the programme to try and retrain the part of the brain that was wonky. He completed the course, but still struggled at school, saw educational physcologists, who came into school, of which we never saw any reports (he was not statmented) and struggled through the sixth form years too. Eventually he was offered a place at Uni in Aberystwyth where he completed his first year successfully. Then he went to the States to work on and try and get sponsorship for Thoughtrail, a programme he is developing, and also something called Instopix. He still feel he needs the cash to develop it quicker than any competitors might. He does strange things, he never seems to go out, from one day to the next. He has to be reminded to launder his clothes, although he does shower and doesn't smell, he will argue black is white. At one time if his younger brother cooked bacon he went mad (he is a veggie), and would do anything to try and stop him. He is nearly always on his laptop, and even took it with him to a restaurant on Friday when we were celebrating his grandmother's 80th. He was a finalist in something called Seed Fund in London recently and narrowly missed being chosen for funding of his ideas. He finds it very difficult to understand other people's opinions and has quite fixed ideas. I would suggest he is on the Aspergers spectrum too. But now he is 21 we cannot just drag him into the doctors, so it is really hard to know what to do, except go with the flow. He sleeps in the day because he works late into the night (more or less on American time), and is usually up around 2 pm. This makes life difficult sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phoenix Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 (edited) my son has aspergers, it was our GP who made a referal, after speaking with his teacher who also thought something was amiss, check out Asperger and ASD UK online forum, sorry cant do links, its great for advice from where to start, legal matters and just heart to hearts with others with first hand experience of 'different' children, aspergers, ADHD, ODD ect, you are now way a failure nor are you alone Edited October 20, 2008 by phoenix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cycas Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 He does strange things, he never seems to go out, from one day to the next. He has to be reminded to launder his clothes, although he does shower and doesn't smell, he will argue black is white. At one time if his younger brother cooked bacon he went mad (he is a veggie), and would do anything to try and stop him. He is nearly always on his laptop, and even took it with him to a restaurant on Friday when we were celebrating his grandmother's 80th. LOL, from your description, I feel that I recognise your son: I have worked with varients of him, and I was at university with some of him too. Also my sister is in a relationship with one of him. You get a lot of him in IT... My guess is that as he gets older he still won't instictively understand how people work, but he will probably figure out with his giant if slightly wonky brain some rules on how to rub along with them a bit more comfortably. And honestly, have you never wanted to take a laptop along to a seemingly endless family event for an elderly relative? Surely this is a universal human desire, only most people don't quite have the nerve... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K9Fran Posted October 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 LOL, from your description, I feel that I recognise your son: I have worked with varients of him, and I was at university with some of him too. Also my sister is in a relationship with one of him. You get a lot of him in IT... My guess is that as he gets older he still won't instictively understand how people work, but he will probably figure out with his giant if slightly wonky brain some rules on how to rub along with them a bit more comfortably. And honestly, have you never wanted to take a laptop along to a seemingly endless family event for an elderly relative? Surely this is a universal human desire, only most people don't quite have the nerve... Now that IT thing explains a lot - his Dad is an IT geek, his Grandad (my adopted Dad) was an IT geek - the very first helpdesk infact (for the Bombe which decoded Enigma codes) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 my youngest son is badly dyslexic and had other minor problems and he is a genius with computers. He says itsbecause computers are logical and predictable whereas people are not.! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K9Fran Posted October 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Well we've got an appointment with our GP 16.00 hrs Weds 29th - will let you know what happens..... At least it's nearly half term, so very few days for him to have another melt down at school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elricc Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I'm a SENCo and you would be amazed how many undiagnosed young people I see who have got through to highschool and breakdown because they can't make sense of the world. Contact local ASD group they will now personally the EP etc and know who to contact as well ASD kids often have dyspraxia and or dyslexia. GP are quicker as your school will only be alloted so many EP hours, and they are getting soaked up by them having to see pupils at risk of exclusion. Today I have seen a ASD boy permanently excluded as he brought a lock knife to school and flourished around, parents tried to say that this was alrigt because he was ASD, but he was arrested and it will go to court. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godin Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Fran make an appointment to go see the schools SENCo and ask them to support you with a referral (this will also give you some insight in to the schools oppinion), once you have their support you can either go for a referral through the GP like we did with Tom or get the school to ask the Educational Psychologist to come in and assess him, we did GP as it is usually the quickest option as at the time Tom was fast approaching 5 where they transfer from Early Years and Extended Services to Educational Psychologist and Autism Teachers Service. Tom was assessed at The Edwin Lobo Centre in Luton not sure if they cover your area too or not or what age they assess to Please don't feel you have failed him, it took me 3yrs to get Tom assessed and we had to literally fight to get there Tom has come on in leaps and bounds with the right help, support and intervention, we have a second assessment on the 30th with an educational psychologist as it appears he might also have Dyspraxia to go with his ASD and ADHD I can guess what Fiona has PM'ed and please do take her up on it she was certainly my rock during the process with Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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