reds Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Definite hugs Kazz My friends have said the same to me in the past but I think they mean the initial cut when they say 'have you got over it?'. There is a difference I think in the uncontrollable grief you have at the time to the silent wound that never heals. It hurts like hell but at least we are the lucky ones who know how much they bring us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Houndwoman Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Sometimes people can say some quite hurtful things when you lose your animals. I have experienced it and I am not a particularly sensitive person generally but I am when it comes to my animals Maybe she just isn't very good with words Kazz? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 I guess I need to harden up somewhat. I may seem tough and rugged on the outside where people are concerned yep. But my dogs including the fosters are my life. Korky is mine, so she will always be here, Mandy is a long term foster due to her health. Snoopy, well He is another story. I had a PM off Cindy (Oldies Club) regarding a cantankerous old git basically. Nothing like. Putty compared to my old Dyls. But nope no way am I failing. Not yet anyway. I do miss a male doglet permanent though. But getting back to Max, no dog would ever take his place, we thought the same etc. Kazz xx I think this lady is perhaps old, perhaps tactless, perhaps just doesn't understand but wasn't meaning to be unkind, probably quite the opposite. As for someone taking Max's place it irritated me slightly when someone, all be it well intentioned commented on Joyce & how it was shame if she was deteriorating after I got her to replace Jo I bit my tongue, as I thought to myself We did NOT offer her a home with us to replace Jo. & realised that some people who aren't animal lovers just don't understand. In time you may feel ready to offer another needy Shepherd (or even another breed) a permanent place in your home and heart but that dog will merely take their place alongside Max in your heart & memories, not replace him. I'msure that Max will always have that place as long as you live, just as if he could speak to you now you would always be in his Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissa Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Sorry it upset you I bet considering the relationship you have had with her for years she would be mortified if she knew how much she had upset you. I learnt a long time ago that many people I know do not have the same feelings for animals that i do, yes they care but don't really 'get' why I get so upset over animals and love them so much. I was told recentley that whilst most peoples dogs are an addition to the family mine were always the focus of mine! oh well you can't please all the people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 I've been lucky that no one has ever said anything so tactless about the loss of mine. I'm sure it was just a bad choice of words though, not meaning to hurt. As for what Yogibear said about what had been said to her, that was just arrogant, rude and heartless and would have deserved a harsh reply. You don't "get over" bereavement, you become able to live with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
safneo Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Kazz. I can understand why you were so upset. I wouldnt think that she meant to hurt you. I think a lot of it is a generation thing. Dogs were just dogs to a lot of people in the 'olden' days and lived outside and weren't seen as part of the family and 'cherished'. My parents still dont understand the way I put the dogs first and they arent that old. And with Max being your soul dog, its bound to take you a long time to get over losing him. He was a dog in a million after all Please allow yourself to grieve properly. You dont have to explain or try to justify the way you fell hun Andrea xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil_angel Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Sometimes people can be insensitive without meaning it. You're not daft to feet hurt your heart still needs time to heal after your loss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greys mum Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 I so sorry that you were upset. Hope that it was just a clumsy way of asking how you were coping. I'm sure that she wouldn't have wanted to hurt/upset you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purrpuss Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Agree with all thats been said. Take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redditchlady Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Thanks, I just needed to get it off my chest I guess. People just don't think sometimes, and I am pretty sensitive over Max. Time won't heal the huge gap I have in my life at the moment. Just need to channel the gap somewhere else if that makes sense. Kazz xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSDFan Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 It's taken me all night to reply to this Kazz, partly because it makes me cry and partly because some of what I'm about to say reveals more about me than I usually do I probably know exactly how you are feeling at the moment, I don't ever stop mourning my Bridge dogs but it hurts less as the years go on, I hope eventually you'll find you remember the good times with Max more than you'll remember the hurt of losing him. I know I will with mine, if i didn't I don't think I would ever get out of the place I'm in at the moment. I think your friend was very insensitive but I don't think you should feel she is less of a friend. She may have just been tactless or she may just not understand the bond. The night we lost Lasso we went out for a drink at a friends house. I had a good cry on Dave's shoulder and he had the utmost sympathy for us, although he fully admits he can't understand why we would get upset over a dog. He has a dog of his own, it is pampered, loved, played with etc., he is actually a very good owner but when it dies he won't be particularly upset, he just doesn't have that bond and never does have with a dog or a cat. In some ways I understand that because with the exception of my Dad I have never really mourned the death of a human. Although I have lost a few friends over the years none of them have ever upset me as much as losing a dog. The bond I have with my dogs and with dogs belonging to some of my friends is greater than the bond I have with the majority of humans. I know damn well that if I had lost 3 human friends in less than 12 months I wouldn't be hurting anywhere near as much as I am from losing 3 dogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hugapup Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 I am so sorry but I can understand why you were so upset. I was when I lost three dogs in six weeks through old age. My friend who is also old (86), gave me some food for one of them and made comments which upset me. Sometimes people can be insensitive without meaning it. I Don't think that she meant to hurt you. I sure she also loved Max and have miss him. Take care of yourself. Cheryl & Mike xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 I probably know exactly how you are feeling at the moment, I don't ever stop mourning my Bridge dogs but it hurts less as the years go on, I hope eventually you'll find you remember the good times with Max more than you'll remember the hurt of losing him. I know I will with mine, if i didn't I don't think I would ever get out of the place I'm in at the moment. The bond I have with my dogs and with dogs belonging to some of my friends is greater than the bond I have with the majority of humans. I know damn well that if I had lost 3 human friends in less than 12 months I wouldn't be hurting anywhere near as much as I am from losing 3 dogs. I also believe that in time the happier memories return the the fore and those lost friends will once more bring a smile rather than tears to your faces. Until you meet again I hope you may find a little comfort in this thought http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redditchlady Posted February 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 Thank you for the replies, I know in my own mind Beryl just didn't think. It doesn't stop it hurting though Thanks for that link Ian. It is lovely and I really do hope all my bridge doglets will meet me when it is my turn to go. Kazz xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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