Ian Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 Watching Big Brother last night I was irritated by the manner of Charley & somebody "not" telling various other housemates about what Emily had said. It seemed blatantly obvious to me that they were titilating sufficient that more questions would be asked - Ziggy in fact stated that she couldn't just do this at one point. It can however be applied to any situation in life. Personally I'd rather someone was honest & sincere in their views and came across as a person of integrity - regardless of whether we agreed or disagreed - than that they worried about being so "tactful" or "diplomatic" that I could never entirely trust what they said or even see them a being two faced. Just wondered what others thought / valued most? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elricc Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 honesty and sincerity every time, I find it difficult to deal with vacilitators. However, I do find the brand of honesty where people are hurtful unpleasant. I think its possible to be honest without being spiteful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phoebejo Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 I'd have to go for sincerity but I know that my other half Ian and his family often mistake my sincerity for a lack of tact He thinks where they are concerned I should just say what I know they want to hear, but that's just not me. I'm not going to lie just for their benefit. They're used to getting their own way (read - walking all over people) and nobody ever says 'no' to them. Sure, there are times when I can exercise a little tact if needs be but not at the expense of telling a huge whopper! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSDFan Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 Well I'd go for sincerity. I really don't do tact and diplomacy. I'd much rather people told me the truth straight and direct than told even a tiny white lie. I don't lie or vacilate I just can't do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murtle Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 It is possible to be tactful and sincere.... You can be honest, but not hurtful. M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSDFan Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 It is possible to be tactful and sincere.... You can be honest, but not hurtful. M I can't be tactful, simple as that. I never have been, never will be and have no intention of trying. I open my mouth and out it comes ( or in the case of forums I run my fingers across the keyboard). Actually, for me, I'm very tactful on the forums and by email. In person I'm far more upfront and really do say what I think. Believe me, I really am tactful in writing My lack of tact doesn't win me too many friends but the friends I do have value my honesty and know I'll never lie to save their feelings and they will never be confused by me trying to be 'subtle'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReikiAnge Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 It is possible to be tactful and sincere.... You can be honest, but not hurtful. M I agree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted June 8, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 (edited) I'd have to go for sincerity but I know that my other half Ian and his family often mistake my sincerity for a lack of tact Sure, there are times when I can exercise a little tact if needs be but not at the expense of telling a huge whopper! I've been accused of the 1st one myself. Personally I think what you describe in the 2nd sounds like integrity not tactlessness. It is possible to be tactful and sincere.... You can be honest, but not hurtful. M I agree Me too. It's just that where there is a "choice" I favour the sincerity every time. I wouldn't for example have considered it tactful for Charley to tell Emily straight that she was offended - but it would have displayed sincerity / integrity instead of her being two faced about it. Edited June 8, 2007 by Ian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie No Dots Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 My lack of tact doesn't win me too many friends but the friends I do have value my honesty and know I'll never lie to save their feelings and they will never be confused by me trying to be 'subtle'. Tact and diplomacy are things we learn to do as adults, although I struggle with tact at times , there is a time and place for everything, as it is better to be tactful then to cause more damage in the long run. Sincerity is fine, so long as your sure your being sincere otherwise false sincerity is even worse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Canis-Equus~ Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 Like GSDFan.... i do TRY to be tactful and i am far FAR more tactful on forums such as this than i am in real life. That often isnt taken the way it is intended but that is the nature of text based communication (for instance how many of you realise im not shouting when i capitalise words, im just too idle to stop and type [i ] and [/i ] brackets around everything i wish to emphasise). Honesty and integrity come first - ill pretty it up if i can, but i wont NOT say something that i think needs saying if to say it will be unpretty.... if that makes sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSDFan Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 I wouldn't for example have considered it tactful for Charley to tell Emily straight that she was offended - but it would have displayed sincerity / integrity instead of her being two faced about it. It would have been much more honest for her to say how she felt and I can't really understand why she didn't. If you don't say how you feel then what is the point of any communication. As to learning certain things as adults, I agree sometimes there are things we could learn and probably things we should learn ( lots of them in addition to tact ), whether we choose to though is a different matter. Even if as adults we choose to learn something we may not actually be successful at it. It's always interesting when people claim to be adults and tactful ( not necessarily on here ) to compare what they say with how they actually behave. Sometimes people who consider themselves to be tactful and diplomatic aren't really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted June 8, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 (edited) Sincerity is fine, so long as your sure your being sincere otherwise false sincerity is even worse Wasn't quite sure what you meant by "false sincerity" - someone ostensibly so, displaying mendacity or disingenuous behaviour perhaps? (that's insincerity though not sincerity) It would have been much more honest for her to say how she felt and I can't really understand why she didn't. If you don't say how you feel then what is the point of any communication. Based on what I saw she may have been surprised last night but she didn't seem upset, offended or disgusted at the time & bear in mind that this is someone who claims she loses her temper easily & has to bite her tongue often. She wasn't biting her tongue she was actually defending Emily to Nikki? She's certainly not a sincere person in my opinion - that's partly why I don't like her - the other thing that irritates me is the way she talks without ever drawing breath & doesn't listen to anyone else before accusing them of that. The point of her communication tonight was probably that she wants attention - she's "a self proclaimed it girl" & this merely provided a great means of getting it. Edited June 8, 2007 by Ian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumpole Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 i do try to be tactful and i am sincere but at the same time sometimes if you cant say anything good its better to say nothing at all i atruggle to achieve this in real life but find that on the internet it keeps the mods of your back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mooandboo Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 Sincerity but if you're just emptying your brain via your mouth (or *speaking your mind* without a minute's thought) I loathe that as much as telling me what you may think I want to hear - especially if it's uninvited. I'll be sincere but if I think that my sincerity will have an unnecesarily negative impact on the recipient I'll say nothing - especially if it's uninvited. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kats inc Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 It is possible to be tactful and sincere.... You can be honest, but not hurtful. M I agree too.Sometimes you have to be upfront and honest with people but because they don't like what they are hearing they believe you are being tactless and/or nasty.I don't believe it is always a good thing to tell people what you think they want to hear and personally I would rather issues were discussed openly and honestly. I guess therefore I think a good mix of all the qualities you mention Ian is perhaps the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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