Fuming

[bebe]

Had to calm down before I came and posted this, the bad language filter wouldve blown up.

 

I had to take Ty to the vets this morning for a check up, just to see how shes getting on with the clomicalm (no difference at all, waste of money I think), and last night I hurt my back again so cant really turn to drive, my mate was here and said she,d drive me in my car today, so Ty could be safe in the boot behind the guard...anyway, we get to the vets (Ty already scared) and I go in to tell them we,re here, then wait out in the car with her so shes not in a tiny room with other dogs. We go in eventually, Ty has her check-up, told shes fine etc, and I take her back out to the car to stay with my mate while I go back in a pay for another course of clomicalm (last one, if this doesnt work, thats it).

 

Im waiting quite a while, its busy, and when I go outside, my cars gone

I couldnt work out what was going on...I didnt have my phone with me so I couldnt even ring my mate to ask why she,d stolen my car and my baby

 

A few more minutes goes by, then she drives around the corner, I said "where have you been? I was worried!" but as soon as the words were out, I could see where she,d been. To the drive-through carwash . She thought my car was filthy so did it as a favour. I quickly rushed to open the boot to see Ty, and my god was she in a state Shaking, cowered in the corner of the boot, tail and head low, and panting. She was terrified

 

I asked my mate why didnt she consider that Ty was in the car, she knows how sensitive she is about everything, it mustve been like a nightmare for her stuck in there while all these brushes and noises and water was going all over the place! I said it was a really stupid thing to do, what was she thinking? She said I was over-reacting, and that Ty is scared of "everything anyway"

 

We had a major fall out and when we got home she didnt even come in, she just got in her car and drove off.

 

Ty has been in a state since we got back., Shes very agitated, keeps trying to get under the bed, and has gone for george twice. And its yet another negative thing to associate going outside with, plus the vets. And even worse, she,ll probably associate being in the car with bad stuff now too! I feel so so sorry for her, poor little girl.

 

But now Im not only fuming, but feeling bad for my friend. She was trying to do me a favour, and I ended up shouting and almost hit her . Im still really angry, for Tys sake, but maybe I did over-react? And I dont know where to go from here to help Ty. Should I try her back in the car soon, or leave it for a while? Should I try to walk her, or not? Ive got to handle this right, otherwise the one thing she can do without fear (ride in the car) is going to be ruined too. Any advice please

[raiye]

Im sure the ranting and raving and bad atmosphere also helped make a bad association with out doors and the car.

I would let her take refuge under the bed so she can at least get some sort of normal heart rate back.

[bebe]

Im sure the ranting and raving and bad atmosphere also helped make a bad association with out doors and the car.

I would let her take refuge under the bed so she can at least get some sort of normal heart rate back.

 

Most of the ranting and stuff was outside of the house when we got back. Ty was already inside, Id taken her in when I went to get my mates car keys off the table.

 

Thanks for making me feel a lot worse though

Edited April 23, 2007 by bebe

[Helly]

if i get in a temper with somone outside and come in still seething it does have an effect on my dogs too bebe so i dont think snapping at raiye is really called for.. if you ask for an opinion then dont get pissed if they dont all offer the same opinion as yours

 

personally i can see why you would be upset for ty but can also see that your friend thought she was doing something nice for you and to have you rant at her might have been a bit over the top. perhaps an apology for going off on one might be appropriate

[AnnS]

Things escalate and before you know it everything is out of proportion, sure your friend feels bad as well.

 

I'd try and put Ty in the car with the help of really tasty treats and see how it goes.

 

AnnS

[Abby]

Oh Bebe I'm really sorry to hear about this. Firstly - do you use rescue remedy? Sounds like you could both do with some.

 

I can understand your reaction, especially considering all that I've read you going through with Ty - I wouldn't take my dogs through a car wash and they don't have any real anxiety issues. It's very unfortunate your friend didn't realise what she was doing would affect Ty - if she's a good friend you don't want to lose, perhaps it's worth apologising for getting so cross but also explaining why you reacted that way. Having a dog that is 'scared of everything' isn't an excuse for scaring her some more - however unintentional.

 

As for the car - it's important that Ty gets back in because you're almost certainly going to need to take her somewhere at some point. Treats are good, rescue remedy too, a fave toy - I'm sure you know all this already. Maybe start of really cautiously by just treating her for being near the car. Does Ty respond to a clicker at all?

 

Good luck, and give Ty a hug from me.

[JACKYSIAN]

I'd definately be giving your friend a ring, while I completely understand you being upset with her (believe me ...I'm the first to be completely irrational and aggressive if I feel my animals are being hurt! ) I geniuenly (sp) think your friend was just trying to be nice and not being Ty's 'mum' she wouldn't understand the effect it may have.

[Ruthi (borrowadog)]

Both your reactions, and your friend's actions and response are understandable but, er, ill-judged. She won't have understood the implications of what she did or she would never have done it. But you can see why she'd be hurt by your response.

 

Phone her and apologise - I'm pretty sure that you'll get an apology back! She sounds like a good friend, so not worth losing her over something that cannot be changed.

 

Poor Ty. I agree with everyone - let her calm down and then tempt her back into the car with outright bribery!

 

Ruth

[bebe]

I wasnt snapping at Raiye. I also dont care if people agree with me or not , I asked for advice about getting Ty back into the car. Raiyes post wasnt offering advice, but was a bit condesending. I couldnt really see the point in posting it tbh. But I am sorry if I came across as snapping, I didnt feel "snappy" , just sad.

 

Ive already spoken to my friend. Just for the record, she is very aware of Tys problems, and is a dog owner herself. Shes very "old school" in her approach to dogs though, they arnt members of the family, theyre just dogs, so she doesnt agree with a lot of the way I deal with Ty, she thinks I should stop treating her with kid-gloves and be her "boss" , so she was aware that having Ty in the car would scare her, I shouldve been clearer about that. Ive apologised, she accepted, then told me I owe her 3 quid for the carwash

 

Thanks to those of you who have given me advice. Thats all I wanted.

[mooandboo]

I agree with everyone's advice about your friend - she'll probably be feeling bad as well so a quick call to apologise & clear the air will do a lot of good for both of you

 

As for Ty, I'd just carry on as normal - usual routine with a little time for her to settle herself down but don't over fuss her

[Laurel n Hardy]

bebe, if ty starts to associate the car with fear then just take ty out for a walk without george, walk straight passed the car and down the road, get her used to seeing the car and that it is ok to walk round it.

 

If you notice an adverse reaction possibly open the car door, get something out, lock it up and take her pass it for a short walk, making a fuss of her at the same time and reassuring her.

 

I tend to use positive reinforcment to dispel fears, (as, i assume most people do) it usually works for me.

 

Regards

 

Nige

[Rudi]

I think that's one of the most daft things I've heard of anyone doing. I would have reacted just the same way as you did out of worry for the dog, calmed down then apologised. Your friend didn't help the situation by not recognising that she'd stuffed up. It would be nice to always do the right thing the first time round but most of us don't.

 

Hope Ty is okay - I'd sit in the car and feed her her favourite tit bits

[Jacobean]

You might not think so Bebe but Raiye was actually giving you advice for the future. Dogs will always pick up on your emotions. Ty will have picked up on your stress. She would have heard you ranting outside and will have intuitively picked up on it whilst you were in the car seething away and when you got back in the house.

 

Your friend got it wrong but she didn't know that at the time and didn't do it on purpose. Now she has seen the result she probably feels terrible for putting Ty through that but she can't take it back and put it right. You do need to apologise to her as she has done you a huge favour today just by taking you both to the vets. She thought she was making a lovely gesture and doing something nice for you by having your car washed. Had she known how Ty would react and the problems it would have caused I'm sure she wouldn't have. We all make mistakes. I would go further than simply apologising if she was my friend. I'd get her a box of choccies or some flowers because I'm sure you've upset her too.

 

As for Ty yes keep her calm and let her settle down. Start taking her out in the car for short trips, even if it's to the end of the road and back. Do it frequently. Make it a nice event. Give her treats and toys if she can be safely left with them. Get in the car with her at the end of the journey and give her a big fuss and praise her. Then let her get back out. Then she'll associate the car with nice things.

 

If you keep yourself calm and stop having arguments with people infront of Ty that could go a long way to her feeling calm herself. I'm not saying that will solve all of her problems but she will pick up a lot on how you react to things and for her they are escalated into big issues.

 

I'm sorry this has happened.

[KathyM]

I think that's one of the most daft things I've heard of anyone doing. I would have reacted just the same way as you did out of worry for the dog, calmed down then apologised. Your friend didn't help the situation by not recognising that she'd stuffed up. It would be nice to always do the right thing the first time round but most of us don't.

 

Hope Ty is okay - I'd sit in the car and feed her her favourite tit bits

 

Couldn't agree more. Bebe's said her friend isn't sympathetic to Ty's problems, I think what happened today has proved that. It's good that they've sorted things now, but I'd have been bloody fuming too (maybe irrationally, maybe not) - it's very easy to say not to get worked up and that it's Bebe's fault somehow, but none of us can say we would act immaculately in the same situation. I'd say anyone who did say they would would be a bit of a fibber.

[kola]

In that position I would give myself and dog a day to calm down, (knowing that my dog can sense how i'm feeling and pick up on that-even when I think I've calmed down i'm still irritated if you know what i mean).

 

Then as suggested here, introduce slowly back to car again and note reactions, always remaining calm and upbeat around car, not offering praise by cuddles etc if dog is showing signs of fear, but go back a step and build up slow - if needbe.

 

My dog loves roasted liver, so I would feed my dog in the car, car would become the place where the tasty of treats comes about, then off we would go for a short drive, calm music on, rescue remedy/anxiety prior to trip, avoiding the area where the car wash is - can you not go past it/avoid that route to start with,

 

or maybe a favourite stuffed kong to have in the car to take the attention and give Ty something else to think about

 

Hope all is well

 

Amanda