meandmy4? Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 1) Okay, Okay! I take it back. Un**ck you. (2) Well, this day was a total waste of make-up. (3) Do I look like a people person? (4) This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting. (5) I started out with nothing and still have most of it left. (6) Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose. (7) Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control? (8) I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years. (9) Sarcasm is just one more service I offer. (10) Do they ever shut up on your planet? (11) I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. (12) Don't worry. I forgot your name too. (13) I work 45 hours a week to be this poor. (14) Wait, I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. (15) Chaos, panic and disorder, my work here is done. (16) Ambivalent? Well yes and no. (17) You look like s***. Is this the style now? (18) Earth is full. Go home. (19) I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. (20) A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth. (21) You are depriving some village of an idiot. And my personal favourite: (22) If a******* could fly, this place would be a fu**ing airport. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 In my late teens, my mate was going out with a man (boy) who, after a couple of pints, thought it was highly amusing to get his willy out. After he flopped it near my G&T one time too many, I exclaimed loudly "Ooooh, that looks like a pen*s......Only smaller". He never did it near me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spins4me Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 In my late teens, my mate was going out with a man (boy) who, after a couple of pints, thought it was highly amusing to get his willy out. After he flopped it near my G&T one time too many, I exclaimed loudly "Ooooh, that looks like a pen*s......Only smaller". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 you certainly couldn't be accused of being two faced or you wouldn't be wearing that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boosboss Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 What did you do? Fall out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chasta Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 When being f'd and blinded at by a woman out in Asda my friend looked her up and down and said... 'Pure class@' and walked away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 Ways to turn men down Ways to turn men down! HE: Can I buy you a drink? SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money. HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must've been given your share. HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. HE: Your face must turn a few heads. SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs. HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out. SHE: Okay, get out. HE: I think I could make you very happy. SHE: Why? Are you leaving? HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me? SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time. HE: Can I have your name? SHE: Why? Don't you already have one? HE: Shall we go see a movie? SHE: I've already seen it. HE: Where have you been all my life? SHE: Hiding from you. HE: Haven't I seen you some place before? SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore. HE: Is this seat empty? SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. HE: So, what do you do for a living? SHE: I'm a female impersonator. HE: Hey baby, what's your sign? SHE: Do not enter. HE: Your body is like a temple. SHE: Sorry, there are no services today. HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. HE: Where have you been all my life? SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boosboss Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 Jeez Ian! You've not 'ad much luck, 'ave ya mate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtychicken Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 Female tutting about one of the dogs sniffing her as she passed got, '' sorry but they never could resist the smell of pissy knickers''. Terri *splutter* Jeez Ian! You've not 'ad much luck, 'ave ya mate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendbert Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 Jeez Ian! You've not 'ad much luck, 'ave ya mate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flukespad Posted April 19, 2008 Report Share Posted April 19, 2008 Listening to a load of drivel & lies and expects you to believe them Reply "Wipe your mouth there's still some bull s**t in the corner" or " do you really think I had that extra bowl of stupid you had for breakfast this morning !! " The dreaded smoothy with the chat uplines. reply " So why don't we go and slip into something more comfortable.Yours can be a coma" The one who always has to witter on about something wrong .Reply "Am sorry don't know really know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumpole Posted April 19, 2008 Report Share Posted April 19, 2008 to OH when hes pizzing me off remember id rather be a widow than a divorcee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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