Fuming

[mum24dog]

she thinks I should stop treating her with kid-gloves and be her "boss"

 

I don't know you or your dog, or your friend, but I've seen plenty of overprotective owners who would do better to give their dogs confidence by taking charge of situations instead of overworrying about everything.

That's not quite the same as "showing them who's boss", but a confident owner is more likely to have a confident dog.

 

Pam

[scotslass]

I take her back out to the car to stay with my mate while I go back in a pay for another course of clomicalm (last one, if this doesnt work, thats it).

 

Im waiting quite a while, its busy, and when I go outside, my cars gone

I couldnt work out what was going on...I didnt have my phone with me so I couldnt even ring my mate to ask why she,d stolen my car and my baby

 

A few more minutes goes by, then she drives around the corner, I said "where have you been? I was worried!"

 

I know people have made various suggestions and offered reasons why your friend did what she did, bebe, and no doubt her intention was to be helpful.

 

However - to my mind, anyone who takes a car away - with or without a dog in it - while the owner is unaware of where they've gone, is downright irresponsible. I'd have been hopping mad.

 

Liz.

[~Canis-Equus~]

Bebe - i would have been steaming mad as well and no i probably wouldnt have stayed calm, id have gone MENTAL - if that had been dilly.... hes terrified of travelling, terrified of many things especially scary noises, water hitting glass etc (rain, it means it might thunder, and that means the sky may fall in.....)....

 

On the plus side - you know what happened and you can take steps to solve it.

 

Get a load of delicious treats, RIGHT NOW and go stand by your car and feed her some, Go inside and have a cup of tea, destress - let her destresshowever she wants (although not by eating George).

 

Go back out, open teh boot, feed treats, close boot, go inside....

 

Repeat until you feel like a yoyo - obviously if you cant get close enough to the car today with her to open the boot just go as far as shes happy with.

 

Use whole sausages or chickens or whatever it takes to get her out there.

 

There is something to be said for being confident so that a nervous dog takes his or her confidence from you - and there is a lot to be said for preventing bad experiences in the first place, which is what you try to do (and me with Dilly).

 

Have to say i dont think id ever trust that particular friend again with one of my dogs if she thinks it doesnt matter if a dog is badly frightened but thats just me.

[phoenix21]

i can understand where you are coming from...i remember when i was younger my mum taking her car through the car wash not thinking what effect it might have on moll in the back of the estate - she was a cowering wreck shaking etc - no lasting effects however and was quite happy to go back in the car again. Just remembered never to have her in the car when took it through the wash again!

 

Hope ty settles soon and gets back in the car ok

[bebe]

Thanks everyone. I am taking on board all your suggestions and comments. I appreciate ALL views, and Id like to respond to some

 

If you keep yourself calm and stop having arguments with people infront of Ty that could go a long way to her feeling calm herself.

 

I dont keep having arguments in front of Ty , I dont argue often with anyone fullstop, yet alone in front of the dogs. Wanted to clear that up as it makes me sound like a raving lunatic whose ranting all the time.

 

 

Have to say i dont think id ever trust that particular friend again with one of my dogs if she thinks it doesnt matter if a dog is badly frightened but thats just me.

 

Em I wouldnt ever trust her alone with Ty. Shes a good friend but seems very cold where dogs are concerned. She sent one of her own dogs (now at the bridge) to Royvon residential training school, while she went to Greece, to be trained "properly". She keeps saying Ty should go there . I can imagine Ty in a place like that, and the damage it would cause her!

 

Pam I dont think Im a particularly unconfident owner, although I do wish I had a bit more confidence. I think if it was about the way Ive brought Ty up, then George would be the same, and he,s definately not, he,s a bolshy bugger . I think my confidence has worsened because of Tys problems, but I very much hope I havnt caused them? If I have, then I feel terrible.

 

 

edited cos I hit send before I meant to..

 

Thanks to all of you. Im going to try the car thing, slowley, in a minute, Ive got lots of cheese (tys favorite,) and have just put her body wrap on and given her some Anxiety drops, so I,ll let you know how we go.

Edited April 23, 2007 by bebe

[EAD]

Kyla nearly passes out in panic if I accidently put the back wiper on never mind going through a car wash.

 

for Ty

[greytgirl]

Lots of hugs to you and Ty

[bebe]

She froze at the front door

 

So I just sat on the doorstep, I didnt want to "force" it, but at the same time I didnt want to just go back inside, Ty eventually stepped out into the front garden,I clicked her the second a paw went over the threshold , but she didnt want the cheese, (she doesnt take treats if shes stressed) and again everytime she took a step nearer the gate, so after a few minutes I opened the gate a little, but that was a step too far for Ty and she ran back to the front door. We came in then, I dont know if that was the right thing to do ? but I felt she,d done well to be out there for that amount of time.

 

I,ll do the same again in a few hours I think, and build up gradually to going outside of the gate and then tackle the car when we,ve got that far. I do want to show her Im confidant, but Im afraid if I push her she,ll go back to how she was a few months ago when she wouldnt even go out the front door. So Im not sure if Im doing the right thing or not??

 

Im concerned that Im not doing the right thing, but its a fine line to tread between being "over-protective", and too forcefull? Taking on board that my friend, and some of you think Im possibly treating her with kid-gloves too much, Im wary of doing either. It took a long long time for Ty to get where she is now, and seeing her like this now does make me a bit mad with my friend, I admit. Its so bloody hard to know what can be too much or too little, to help Ty. I do listen to you all, and it has "gone in" that I might have inadvertantly caused Tys problems, and I feel very bad about that, it makes me doubt myself, but I want to put things right and Im trying.

[Yantan]

Bebe, Archie was terrified of the car - I have no idea why - but we got him over it by starting off with short little trips with a lovely treat at the end (a walk, one of his favourite things) so he came to associate the car with "nice things" and it didn't take very long to turn him round. Now if you say to him "car" he gets all excited and can't wait to get in

 

I know Ty's anxiety over the car is far worse than Archie's but good luck anyway

 

I'm afraid I would have had lost my rag with any friend of mine who took off with MY car and MY dog without first telling me of their intentions.

 

Marion

[BillyMalc]

She froze at the front door

 

So I just sat on the doorstep, I didnt want to "force" it, but at the same time I didnt want to just go back inside, Ty eventually stepped out into the front garden,I clicked her the second a paw went over the threshold , but she didnt want the cheese, (she doesnt take treats if shes stressed) and again everytime she took a step nearer the gate, so after a few minutes I opened the gate a little, but that was a step too far for Ty and she ran back to the front door. We came in then, I dont know if that was the right thing to do ? but I felt she,d done well to be out there for that amount of time.

 

I,ll do the same again in a few hours I think, and build up gradually to going outside of the gate and then tackle the car when we,ve got that far. I do want to show her Im confidant, but Im afraid if I push her she,ll go back to how she was a few months ago when she wouldnt even go out the front door. So Im not sure if Im doing the right thing or not??

 

Im concerned that Im not doing the right thing, but its a fine line to tread between being "over-protective", and too forcefull? Taking on board that my friend, and some of you think Im possibly treating her with kid-gloves too much, Im wary of doing either. It took a long long time for Ty to get where she is now, and seeing her like this now does make me a bit mad with my friend, I admit. Its so bloody hard to know what can be too much or too little, to help Ty. I do listen to you all, and it has "gone in" that I might have inadvertantly caused Tys problems, and I feel very bad about that, it makes me doubt myself, but I want to put things right and Im trying.

 

 

Hey bebe, first of all, I SO recognise that last sentence! Malcolm is now well established royalty, who takes everything in his stride ("yes, I know that I shouldn't have belted off and eaten that rotting take away leftover, but I happen to like it. And your point is???"). Kiera on the other hand can still drive me completely up the wall and make me despair: I've been trying so hard to raise her well into a well behaved missus, but whenever she causes trouble I feel like I'm failing her. Oh the joys of having dogs!

 

As far as Ty's fears of the car and going out right now: I'm sure it's been somewhere on the Refuge that I've read that it can take a dog 3 days to calm down from a stressful event, so to be honest with you, I wouldn't even try today. Just try and be as normal in the house as you'd be normally (I'm pretty sure you've not quite calmed down yourself yet, and she's going to sense that no end). So behaviour that you'd normally wouldn't tolerate, like having a go at George, I wouldn't tolerate now either. I'd say if she comes to you for a cuddle then fine, but if she's not, then just let her be.

Maybe tomorrow start off with showing her that the "car is good", maybe involving George, by calling him to the car and giving him a treat, so that she can watch his behaviour?

 

Malcolm used to be scared of absolutely everything as well, and I have to admit I've treated it pretty much 'old school' then, a) because I didn't know any better (I asked Jan Fennell, but she wanted a minimum of £300 before she could even reply to an email! ) and b)I was too dependent on other people helping me out with his care as well. I couldn't have a dog who would only go out with me if the time was right or he would be spending his life in a tiny room. A good 5 years on and Malcolm is the abovementioned "established royalty" - and the good news is it didn't take him 5 years to get there! I'm not advocating old school training methods btw, just wanted to give an example of a dog who's very much come through it Like the "supernanny" we have a "naughty lead" for any dog who finds themselves breaking the rules of good behaviour and Malcolm has found himself on it more than once!

 

Good luck with Ty and let us know how you get on

[bebe]

Thanks Marion And everyone whose tried to make me feel a bit better, I guess none of us know how we,d react in this situation. I feel like some people think Im a bad tempered cow whose always arguing and never calm, a nervous wreck who would do be tter by Ty if I wasnt under-confident and over-protective and stopped being a violent big mouth!

 

Im NOT!! .......Am I? Oh god...am I?? Im worried now..

 

 

Sorry..couldnt resist.

[bebe]

Hey bebe, first of all, I SO recognise that last sentence! Malcolm is now well established royalty, who takes everything in his stride ("yes, I know that I shouldn't have belted off and eaten that rotting take away leftover, but I happen to like it. And your point is???"). Kiera on the other hand can still drive me completely up the wall and make me despair: I've been trying so hard to raise her well into a well behaved missus, but whenever she causes trouble I feel like I'm failing her. Oh the joys of having dogs!

 

As far as Ty's fears of the car and going out right now: I'm sure it's been somewhere on the Refuge that I've read that it can take a dog 3 days to calm down from a stressful event, so to be honest with you, I wouldn't even try today. Just try and be as normal in the house as you'd be normally (I'm pretty sure you've not quite calmed down yourself yet, and she's going to sense that no end). So behaviour that you'd normally wouldn't tolerate, like having a go at George, I wouldn't tolerate now either. I'd say if she comes to you for a cuddle then fine, but if she's not, then just let her be.

Maybe tomorrow start off with showing her that the "car is good", maybe involving George, by calling him to the car and giving him a treat, so that she can watch his behaviour?

 

Malcolm used to be scared of absolutely everything as well, and I have to admit I've treated it pretty much 'old school' then, a) because I didn't know any better (I asked Jan Fennell, but she wanted a minimum of £300 before she could even reply to an email! ) and b)I was too dependent on other people helping me out with his care as well. I couldn't have a dog who would only go out with me if the time was right or he would be spending his life in a tiny room. A good 5 years on and Malcolm is the abovementioned "established royalty" - and the good news is it didn't take him 5 years to get there! I'm not advocating old school training methods btw, just wanted to give an example of a dog who's very much come through it Like the "supernanny" we have a "naughty lead" for any dog who finds themselves breaking the rules of good behaviour and Malcolm has found himself on it more than once!

 

Good luck with Ty and let us know how you get on

 

sorry Billy, crossposting then.

 

pmsl at the "naughty lead"...a very interesting post, thanks. Am much calmer now, and George and Ty are playing tuggy, so she must be feeling ok.

Edited April 23, 2007 by bebe

[Jacobean]

I guess I'm one of those labelled with calling you a bad tempered cow which in fact I haven't. I'm trying to say to you that any emotions you feel your dog will pick up on whether you like it or not. If you take that on board it will help her in the future. You have posted 3 threads in the last week as you have been het up about things. If you are displaying emotions in the home Ty will pick up on it.

 

I wouldn't have been too happy with the friend either. But the dog comes first and if one of mine had a stress problem I would deal with the friend separately. Maybe go round to her house and have it out with her if I felt the need.

 

I'm not accusing you of anything. I am trying to offer advice and support. If you're going to chuck it back in my face I shan't bother mate. I have been there and back with sensitive, stressed out dogs and was just trying to help.

[safneo]

Only just read this Brigette. Firstly chill out yourself. Put on some music and get a drink. (tea of course) I wouldnt force Ty to go out if she doesnt want to now, but try 'teasing' her out with George maybe tomorrow. Don't make a big deal of things. If she doesnt want to go, walk George round the block and back again. I wouldnt contemplate the car right now, knowing a little of Tys history, it may be too much. Just focus on getting her back out, then you can move onto walking upto and past the car, then open the door of the car and walk past etc, etc. (you know how it goes by now) It doesnt matter a damn what other people think of you and how you deal with Ty's issues. You are the only one who REALLY knows her and what her little quirks are and how she is likely to respond to things. Go with your gut instinct! Listen to her! Have confidence in yourself.

[bebe]

I guess I'm one of those labelled with calling you a bad tempered cow which in fact I haven't. I'm trying to say to you that any emotions you feel your dog will pick up on whether you like it or not. If you take that on board it will help her in the future. You have posted 3 threads in the last week as you have been het up about things. If you are displaying emotions in the home Ty will pick up on it.

 

I wouldn't have been too happy with the friend either. But the dog comes first and if one of mine had a stress problem I would deal with the friend separately. Maybe go round to her house and have it out with her if I felt the need.

 

I'm not accusing you of anything. I am trying to offer advice and support. If you're going to chuck it back in my face I shan't bother mate. I have been there and back with sensitive, stressed out dogs and was just trying to help.

 

No, please dont feel like that!! I didnt say you "said" that, I said that was how I felt! Im not throwing anything in your face . You did say I should stop arguing in front of Ty though, it implied I do it all the time, but you never said I was a bad tempered cow, that was MY words??