Scooby Dobie

YES (will taste nice coming back though) Can men cook?

8 I was always cr*p at tennis....LMAO.....

LMAO.... Nice one Kathy!

Puts "sausages" to shame....... Very good.....

So true....

Very good....lmao

HOUND .....had to be done....lol

* The 1st Affair* A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!" *The 2nd Affair* A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!" *The 3rd Affair* A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!" *The 4th Affair* A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing." *The 5th Affair* A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." *The 6th Affair* Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to, " his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."

A BOY AND HIS TRAIN A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop!" "And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train...cause we're going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house." "Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS." "When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and we hope your trip was a pleasant one." "We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue... "For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train." "We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Either no psychic ability or bad at maths tracey....lol

LOL very good......

It's all in the mind em - just believe...lol

I'm going nuts trying to work this out - I now believe we actually live in the Matrix............ Just got it.....i'm relieved now, and the headaches subsiding.....lol

Very good Pingu.... mind blowing

To say that was stressful is an understatement.......lol

Ooooo errrrrr.......

Tetley the Terrier from Yorkshire - sounds idyllic!!!!

very good

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. ************************* I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. ************************** Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. ************************** Of loving beauty you float with grace, If only you could hide your face. **************************** Kind, intelligent, loving and hot, This describes everything you are not. ****************************** I want to feel your sweet embrace, But don't take that paper bag off of your face. ******************************* I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -- Damn, I'm good at telling lies! ************************************ My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife -- Marrying you screwed up my life. ************************************ I see your face when I am dreaming, That's why I always wake up screaming. ************************************* My love, you take my breath away -- What have you stepped in to smell this way? ************************************* My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "Go To Hell." ************************************* What inspired this amorous rhyme? -- Two parts vodka, one part lime! Leo

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Italian.... ;)