greytgirl Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 I feel so sad and angry that such lovely people have been caused so much hurt by those that should have cared for them above all else and a great deal of admiration that you have become the wonderful, strong people that you have. I didn't suffer in the way that some of you have, but I did suffer emotional abuse and it took me until just a year or so ago to really start to believe I was a decent person who deserved an existence. I think my parents must have been deeply unhappy to have made me feel so worthless, but no child deserves that, whatever the reason for it. I fully agree, and Im so in awe of anyone who turns themselves around after ANY type of abuse to go on and be such caring people as are many on here..I cannot understand, not ever being in any type of abusive relationship myself, the ability to abuse...emotionally, physically etc a child or anyone..let alone your one of your own. I would rather die than make my daughter hurt in ANY way. I have been amazingly lucky to grow up with parents/family you can only dream of so can only just about to begin to imagine the horror of not having that. Anyone gone through any form of abuse has my utter most respect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 That is why I cannot understand how a person that has suffered abuse can go on to inflict it on their own family. They know what it feels like, they know what its like to be scared,hurt,upset and and all the other emotions involved so how can they then go on to perpetuate the cruelty? It baffles and distresses me. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greytgirl Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 That is why I cannot understand how a person that has suffered abuse can go on to inflict it on their own family. They know what it feels like, they know what its like to be scared,hurt,upset and and all the other emotions involved so how can they then go on to perpetuate the cruelty? It baffles and distresses me. x I have always thought the same, you would think anyone having suffered any abuse knowing how terrible it is would want to do everything in their power not to make any other person/child/animal feel that way..but, again I have no experience and cannot comment on why some people continue the cycle of abuse..maybe its all they have ever known and see it as acceptable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K9Fran Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I wonder if this is because they see it as 'normal' - my Dad did, my OH was smacked (although not to an abuse extent) and didn't think anything of using it to discipline (until I explained how the alternatives worked). Perhaps it's just a lack of experience of the alternatives? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spins4me Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I feel so sad and angry that such lovely people have been caused so much hurt by those that should have cared for them above all else and a great deal of admiration that you have become the wonderful, strong people that you have. I didn't suffer in the way that some of you have, but I did suffer emotional abuse and it took me until just a year or so ago to really start to believe I was a decent person who deserved an existence. I think my parents must have been deeply unhappy to have made me feel so worthless, but no child deserves that, whatever the reason for it. Ange - been there. I was belittled and ridiculed by my Mum for much of my life because I was a clever child and got the education that she wanted but couldn't have because her family couldn't afford for her to stay on at school. She thought the sun shone out of my older brother who was a vile bully and would never believe the things I told her about him. When I was older and felt able to stand up to her she would just laugh and say, "Barbara, you are funny." Reading this back I've no idea why I didn't put the flags out when she died. to those of you who've suffered any kind of abuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I was given my own key at 7 and left to run the streets when we moved down here. Nothing is ever discussed. Im 41 and still she wont tell me my dads name. The only reason I know about my sister in australia is because she traced us. I still dont know her friends names. Shes suddenly wanting to be friends, go out for dinner, go to shows. Ill go, but hope shes doing it to 'talk to me' because I was ignored and left to it, its only now, after having to run from my husband who mentally and physically abused me for 11 years, that I feel im even worth the water for a shower. My sons would look forward to me being put against the wall by my throat as hubby would tell them to go and get sweets or ice cream. My son at 12 went to thump me. I put him against the wall and told him never to do that again. He never has. I had to stop him before he started. he said when dad did that, he got what he wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spins4me Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I was given my own key at 7 and left to run the streets when we moved down here. Nothing is ever discussed. Im 41 and still she wont tell me my dads name. The only reason I know about my sister in australia is because she traced us. I still dont know her friends names.Shes suddenly wanting to be friends, go out for dinner, go to shows. Ill go, but hope shes doing it to 'talk to me' because I was ignored and left to it, its only now, after having to run from my husband who mentally and physically abused me for 11 years, that I feel im even worth the water for a shower. My sons would look forward to me being put against the wall by my throat as hubby would tell them to go and get sweets or ice cream. My son at 12 went to thump me. I put him against the wall and told him never to do that again. He never has. I had to stop him before he started. he said when dad did that, he got what he wanted. There are some evil bastards out there. You're a true survivor, Alicia and you've brought up two really great boys. That's your revenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotslass Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 There are some evil bastards out there. You're a true survivor, Alicia and you've brought up two really great boys. That's your revenge. I can only echo this. I agree completely. For you, Alicia, and all the women who've survived such treatment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 thank you. I must say, I dont know what the boys would be like if we hadnt run 10 years ago, when they were 9 and 11, I think they would have been very different. Over the last year ive learnt more about mother, and its not been nice. we have all suffered mentally because of her, all 4 of us. Ive never called her mum, shes always been ma, shes never been a mother to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheryl33 Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I think with emotional abuse they get off on having power over you because they are so bitter and twisted, bullying someone else makes them feel worthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LurcherGirl Posted July 14, 2009 Report Share Posted July 14, 2009 I think with emotional abuse they get off on having power over you because they are so bitter and twisted, bullying someone else makes them feel worthy. Or perhaps due to their experience, they just don't know how else to deal with stressful situations and automatically resort to what they've always known... Vera Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Posted July 15, 2009 Report Share Posted July 15, 2009 what really capped it for me was, and I dont know how I didnt hit her, was when I told her when I was in my 30s, that when I was 17 and still living with her, I had a miscarriage, and knew it wasnt worth telling her. Did she wrap her arms round me and say im so sorry, why didnt you tell me? Like she did with a neighbour, took her flowers, chocolates .... no she said, and ill put it in a spoiler as its not nice did you put it in a bucket and check it was all there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K9Fran Posted July 15, 2009 Report Share Posted July 15, 2009 Alicia When I told my parents that my 38 year old boyfriend had raped me (I was 18) they didn't believe me. But then, when I went to the Samaritans some years later about the same incident because it was affecting my marriage the volunteers final words to me were 'are you sure you didn't lead him on dear?'.... So even 'caring' people can say the wrong thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazz Posted July 15, 2009 Report Share Posted July 15, 2009 I wonder about these people to you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted July 17, 2009 Report Share Posted July 17, 2009 I was sexually abused by a friend of my fathers (only the once) when I was about 10 but I daren't tell any of my family. I think that is very sad.I later told somebody and it was dealt with but I would hate to think that my kids wouldn't tell me. I remember a Social Worker asking me if I had kissed the man,or climbed/sat on his lap without being asked and all sorts of questions like that. Looking back they were obviously asking me if I had led him on....................at 10 years old,a very immature 10 at that (we were those days). I really hope that things have changed now. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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