Adults Scared To Interact With Children

[Kats inc]

My Dad stopped to help a young boy who had fallen off his bike and the bike had fallen into a ditch and he was struggling to get it out.The parents ran shouting and screaming at my dad to get away.He was really shaken by this,he is an ex police officer and was working as a probation officer at the time

 

Having said that I was in B&Q the other day and 2 identical twins appeared with no parent,they were about 4 I'd say.The shop asst and I stopped with them and tried to locate a parent.Dad came tootling along after about 5 minutes and said they always run off but he knows they'll go to the bathroom displays as they love it so he leaves them and when he needs to he comes and finds them.Anyone could have walked off with these children,even in this day and age with the media hype parents do chose to ignore the risk.

 

And as for the increasingly tight regulations regarding police checks I only have to say 2 words about that.... Ian Huntley

[ReikiAnge]

Things are increasing been said these days about protective parents who don't allow their kids out to play etc these days but I can really understand where they are coming from. It's all very well to say 'stranger danger' has not increased since the 70's but it does happen and even if it was only one a year, the idea that the one a year might be your child and what they may go through before they are killed must be unbearably terrifying. Ignoring the problem with roads, how many of us here would allow our dogs to run loose if we could? I wouldn't, I would be too frightened of what might happen to them.

 

I don't think you can compare letting a dog loose with letting a child (of reasonable age) go out to play with friends, walk to school etc.

 

You can't ignore the problem of roads, because they exist, but even aside from being able to teach your child where to cross safely and to look before they cross, you can also explain to a child that they need to let you know what time to be home, to stick with their friends, to phone if they're going to be late and explain not to go off with someone they don't know, etc. etc. Not guaranteeing that they will do as asked, but you can't sit down and reason with a dog as you can a child, it's a totally different situation.

 

I know that children are taken by strangers but I think you would need to literally never let your child out of your sight in order to prevent any risk whatsoever and I don't think that's healthy for parent or child - I appreciate I don't have children and I know I'm probably verging on over protective with the dogs, but I would work really hard to allow my kids the freedom to grow into sensible, responsible and confident adults.

 

There have been some horrific things happening to children at the hands of strangers - but it seems to me that a child is far more often in the news for being harmed or killed by a parent or close relative than by someone they barely or don't know I think if I did have children it would reassure me when thinking about letting kids go out on their own.

 

Just today a young mum has been jailed for going out partying for three days and leaving her toddler in the kitchen alone He was only found when he turned a tap on to get a drink and couldn't turn it off and the kitchen flooded causing the neighbours to realise there was something wrong and to phone the police.

 

Going back to interacting with children we don't know, I can't recall Rob or me ever having had a problem with parents worrying about us talking to their kids etc. but I can see why a guy alone might be concerned, which must be really difficult We were at a safari park last year in the pets corner bit and a mum was trying to take a photo of her daughter - she was stood behind one of those images where holes are cut out and you put your head, hands etc. through but the little girl wasn't tall enough. I offered to stand behind with the little girl and lift her up so she could reach through and the mum said yes straight away, I didn't think for a minute she'd be concerned and the mum was just pleased for the help.

[BilRed]

Cycas and ReikiAnge (and others I might have forgotten) are right to point out that there are differences between dogs and children in this context and I wasn't thinking about the need for a child to learn how to be independant in the world. I was thinking with that analogy to highlight similar fears that we might have for our dogs based on my own feelings which take a constant battering from the frequent reports of animal abuse these days but it was only intended to try and illustrate a point which is that the idea of someone hurting those you love is very frightening and unpleasant. I'm not sure whether as a parent I would be able to put the greater interests of my childrens social development above my fears. That means that I find it very easy to understand parents who don't let their children out and I guess I find it harder to understand parents who do have the confidence to give them their freedom - not that I think they are in anyway wrong to do that but looking at it from my perspective (which is probably behind the settee with a cushion) they must have nerves of steel! There again I would have thought with the advent of mobile phones parents might feel a bit more reassured.

 

With regard to been afraid to interact with children, I went for an interview a couple of years ago at a school - as auxillary staff not teaching - and was asked what I would do if I was working in a class room and I suddenly found I was there alone with a group of children. I said I would just carry on working and was told the correct course of action was to leave the room as quickly as possible - because of the danger of the children making allegations against me when there were no adult witnesses to what had actually happened. I was very relieved not to be offered the job!

[blackmagic]

because of the danger of the children making allegations against me when there were no adult witnesses to what had actually happened.

 

I find that a very sad indictment of the times, that children should think that way

 

When my children were young we were fortunate that they coud go out and play without crossing any busy roads.

 

We lived in a series of cul-de-sacs and all the children were taught from being toddlers to go all the way round the pavements, so that they didn't go on the road.

 

They were all very good at doing this and were quick to reprimand any visiting child that did not

 

All the mums had the same rules - when children went to pay at another's house they phoned to confirm that they had arrived and again phoned to say they were leaving, so that the parent could watch out for them coming.

 

When they got older, they were instructed that if they decided to go to another house to play they MUST phone home and tell where they were going, with the same follow ups as before.

 

 

My kids knew that they only needed to ignore this once and they wouldn't go again. I did not say things that I did not mean.

 

Even once the kids were in their early teens it was not unusual for one of my kid's friends to arrive and ask to phone their mum to tell her where they were.

 

I also encouraged my kids to bring their friends home and it was not unusual to have wall to wall boys- literally- in their bedroom.

 

It never occured to anybody that their child may be in danger from visiting another child's home.

[boosboss]

It's not such a new phenomenon though. I worked with kids (and yes they were still called that then ) about twenty years ago. We were told never to be alone with a child, there always had to be two adults. I had a boy say to me, after reprimanding him for something minor that he would tell his parents that I'd touched him. Luckily he said it in front of about fifteen other kids, so I marched the lot of them to the main office and told my boss immediately. The boy's parents were called and they said that he was often saying things like that The scary thing for me was that this was in America and at the time, it was lock you up first then ask questions. Prison in the States wouldn't have been the best place for a 19 year old English lad .

I've always carried that fear since. If I did need to help a child I would, but I'd try to get someone else to at least witness my actions if I could.

A few of the local kids want to pet Boo & Gyp often, but I have to continually discourage them from coming anywhere near my house. The last thing I want is false accusations or gossip. Mud sticks and all that!

[ReikiAnge]

I worked at a council run summer playscheme for about six weeks one summer around 18 years ago and it was such a relaxed atmosphere. There were around 5-6 adults I think, for however many kids turned up - it was a free scheme and children could just come on the days the/their parents wanted too and we took kids aged 5-15 from memory, so had a real mix. We were based on a really nice green area with woods nearby, we played outdoor games (I remember we had a water fight on the last days and the older kids took great delight in soaking me ), we walked in the woods with them, went to the local shops so they could buy sweets, ice cream etc., the younger ones wanted to hold hands with me, the older ones wanted to chat me up , we went on the swings with them, did drawing stuff with the younger ones.

 

It was such fun - and I got a suntan and got paid We went on various organised trips, I went on a coach trip to a theme/safari park I think, we had to have two adults on the trips, plus any parents that wanted to come - and obviously had to supervise the kids while we were on the trip.

 

I suspect they did run some sort of check on me before employing me, it was so long ago I can't remember.

 

Lots of the kids gave us cards and stuff on the last day - it was really sad saying goodbye to them all

 

I think everyone had a fantastic time and none of the parents seemed to have any concerns - and it kept tons of children out of trouble for the summer holidays.

 

No idea if anything like it runs now, I imagine sadly not It was quite an "open" thing in terms of people just being able to turn up and leave, so probably not every parent would want their kids to attend, but no harm came to anyone and we had tons of kids most days.

[AlTRPD]

I've worked both with a few abused children via a therapy writing project, and with offenders ranging in age from youngsters of about 18 in a YOI to men in their 50s in a prison that housed sex offenders and lifers/murderers. I have also been a victim of, what I would call 'minor' childhood abuse compared to many others. (And yes, I had to have thorough police check and Home Office clearance before doing that work even as a volunteer.)

 

There's not much nowadays that can shock me. However, one thing that has cropped up time and time again when working with people of all ages who have been abused as children and who are trying to get into recovery, is the effect that their close family members behaviour towards them, or the way those close relations react or respond to whatever happens, can have an ever greater effect than the actual acts of abuse. This is something that I can personally relate to, as well.

 

Informing on a realtive's inappropriate behaviour towards me when I was a child, really opened up a Pandora's box of escalating proportitions.

 

If members here would like to know more, feel free to ask and I don't mind posting deatils here, or if anything of a possibly personal intimate nature you can PM me via the TRPD board, as my box is nearly always full on here.

Edited June 29, 2008 by AlTRPD