Kathyw Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 I dont mind untidy houses, or dusty houses. (cant deal with obvious grime of totally uncleaned for years tho). My obsession with cleanliness is personal hygene more than anything phew that's ok then as I am squeaky clean in my person - I have Cuthbert the steam capsule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessandCos Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 Working on the gay scene, I think there are more isms there then anywhere else. some gay men just hate lesbians - whethere or not they are people has no bearing Some lesbians dislike gay men - same thing applies Trans Sexuals - unless you are part of the in crowd - they do get barrage of abuse from both gay men and lesbians TV's/cross dressers are generally ridiculed unless they are part of the professional drag acts or again part of the in-crowd - or it is for a birthday party then it is all of a sudden seen as cool And then there is anyone else inbetween - some get a hard time and are disliked because of the way the are/dress etc - again not seen as people does not enter into the equation. The gay scene down here covers Southampton, Portsmouth and Bournemouth and everyone knows everyone, and has some hsitory even if it goes back years. You also have the straight people who come into the club, too show how cool/tolerant they are and then they start offending people as they don't like what they see, and they either end up leaving or being asked to leave in some cases. I find it really sad that even the gay community can't get on with each other because of the predjudices that exist. Again like others I came out because I knew if I didn't I would have a miserable life pretending to be something I am not. I belive that you are born "gay" and it is genetic, it is not a choice that you make, the choice that is made is whether you embrace who you are and what you are, or else live a life, thinking and trying to convince yourself and everyone else, that you are something you are not. I lost a few long term friends in the process, and got blackmailed by my brother , but I see it that I am still the person that I was the only difference now is that I am more open about who I really am - if my so called oldest friends don't like it well they are no longer part of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyMalc Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 JessandCoss - to me your post sums up exactly what has been said in other threads about racism and intolerance: every community has got its nice and nasty, tolerant and intolerant people, because underneath it all that's what we all are: people. And just because part of our genetic make up might be different (apparently it's scientifically proven now, and not even by testing on mice! http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7456588.stm) it doesn't mean that we are not capable of expressing the same kind of traits as those people who we find are oppressing those who are different to them. Going to gay clubs as a closet gay woman was an eye opener for me, and even more so because I went with straight friends who, at the time, didn't know I'm gay. Seeing them not "being cool" or act as if they are in a zoo, but just having a good time made me more confident about finally coming out. They totally accepted and were comfortable with something that I hadn't accepted about myself at all yet, and their example really was of great help to me. While I do see the need for clubs to have a strict door policy, I think it is sad that this is necessary. I don't think the gay community should be expected to get along with eachother any more than any other community. What I would expect from people, who are a part of any community at all, is that they respect other people regardless of preferences as long as those preferences do not hurt anyone else. Going back to the OP, I am largely ignorant of all the sexual preferences and flavours available, if anything because it doesn't interest me and I can't relate to them at all. Why there is a special fetish for shagging BSM instructors I'll never understand, but as long as the BSM instructor is fine with being lusted after purely because of their profession and affiliation with a certain club, by all means go for it! Who am I to judge that? It really is none of my business! At the same time I will make it my business, if someone is being ridiculed and bullied, to stand up for their right to have the preferences that they have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura g Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 Do people who hold 'ismist' views have a choice? You can help the way you treat people but can you help the way you feel about some things? interesting that. perhaps there is an element of not being able to. for instance, my mum is very wary of young black men. why? because she was mugged by one. So I guess she cannot help herself; although I do believe she should - like others with isms - engage her brain when she reflects on what she is feeling and why. Why there is a special fetish for shagging BSM instructors I'll never understand, Ooh! I've done that! Not a fetish though - he was v good looking and i wanted to find out how it stuck on round the corners (it's magnetic, you know). What's an extraordinary coincidence given the way that this thread is going .... he's now gay! It's the effect I have on men, apparently..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura g Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 Do people who hold 'ismist' views have a choice? You can help the way you treat people but can you help the way you feel about some things? interesting that. perhaps there is an element of not being able to. for instance, my mum is very wary of young black men. why? because she was mugged by one. So I guess she cannot help herself; although I do believe she should - like others with isms - engage her brain when she reflects on what she is feeling and why. Why there is a special fetish for shagging BSM instructors I'll never understand, Ooh! I've done that! Not a fetish though - he was v good looking and i wanted to find out how it stuck on round the corners (it's magnetic, you know). What's an extraordinary coincidence given the way that this thread is going .... he's now gay! It's the effect I have on men, apparently..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melp Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 What I would expect from people, who are a part of any community at all, is that they respect other people regardless of preferences as long as those preferences do not hurt anyone else. Absobloodylutely well said! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaos Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 What I would expect from people, who are a part of any community at all, is that they respect other people regardless of preferences as long as those preferences do not hurt anyone else. Sums it up for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClazUK Posted June 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 What I have a problem with is a negative attitude based on ignorance and showing disrespect for someone else's life when their lifestyle choices do not harm anyone else. I like this. That Billy is a wise 'un. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyMalc Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 I seem to have repeated myself there I'm glad you agree tho, it's something that I do feel strongly about. Mind you, I have found Fugees to be more respectful of each other than many on so called "political" boards where everyone's supposed to show "solidarity" and whatnot. Yeah right I for one am glad to be here and I would really like to thank all ya Fugees for the fabulous bunch that you are :liebe94: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redditchlady Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 Very wise I would say. My take on life is let people get on with whatever they want to do so long as it doesn't deliberately hurt anyone. Each to their own. George and Simon, 2 of my best friends are gay and together. It doesn't bother me at all. We all go out and have a right laugh. To me we are all the same inside, black, white whatever. I have a friend lets call her *X*. She is head over 6th form in a school and was in the *closet* She came out to George, Simon and myself about 2 years ago. I always had my suspicions as there wasn't a guy on the scene as long as I've known her. About 16 years. Did it change our friendship?? No way. Kazz xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudi Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 But... who decides whether or not something is harmful to others? Is that not subjective? Is it defined by the individual or the onlooker? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyMalc Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 But... who decides whether or not something is harmful to others? Is that not subjective? Is it defined by the individual or the onlooker? IMHO it is first and foremost defined by the individual(s) involved. However there obviously are some things which people, of whatever persuasion, should just enjoy within a private environment. I don't have time for some intolerant git though, who would be happy to watch a heterosexual couple holding hands but complain about a homosexual couple doing the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 As long as it's not in my face ie sex in the street (yes have seen it) or in the open (upsets the dogs no end) then I don't care. Holding hands whether two little girls, little girl/little boy, two little boys, two adult women, two adult men adult man/adult woman makes me smile as does any show of affection. I dislike the word tolerant - tolerate - to put up with. I heard it said about myself a good few times. 'We don't have to tolerate this, I won't tolerate that. My answer was then don;t - go away and leave me alone. No-one should be 'tolerated' If you don't like it - don't look or comment just ignore but please don't tolerate - it's insulting to whoever you are tolerating.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kittycat Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 I don't know if this is going off topic and I'm not sure this is going to come across right but from my own personal experiences over the past few months with regards to "isms" and what's "acceptable" have been varied and mostly negative. Before I was Steph now I'm Gay Steph, or The Goth or The Emo Lesbian (Whatever that means)now I'm labelled everywhere I go whether its because of my clothes or my sexuality. I have indeed changed substancially in past few months but do I deserve to be labelled for being who I am? I'm still Steph at the end of the day. No one bothered about me when I conformed to what is socially acceptable leading a "normal" life. There is so much more to a person than the clothes they wear or who the go to bed with, or whether they like to be led about on a lead its not the defining part of their personality. Everyone is judged and some folks are not going to agree with what another person does but to actively make that person aware of it and attempt to make them feel they are wrong for having an "alternative" interest is what I find to be unacceptable. I too dislike the term "tolerate" if someone tolerated me for who I am I'd just be insulted! Live and let live, life's too short to be worrying about other people are doing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 Not in the same way but I was viewed as 'odd' because I never wore what others did. My hair was always different but my Mum always used to say don't be the same as everyone else - be yourself and so I was. It did bother me sometimes when it was used in a hurtful way but as they were rare times I coped. How it must be for you to suddenly have 'labels' I cannot imagine, it must hurt. But they could also say 'oh there's Steph the cat lover', there's Steph the artist' - far less hurtful but labels nonetheless. You have a beautiful name Stephanie and I would inform everyone that from now on I wish to be known as Stephanie and will not reply to anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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