Loss Of Confidence?

[JACKYSIAN]

Firstly may I say this isn't a woe is me thread! While I appreciate everyones kind comments in the other thread about Sidney, this one I really want to hear others experiences in order to maybe not only help me but anyone else who's having issues at the moment.

 

Anyway as some of you know I've been having various problems with 3 of my 4 recently. And it's pretty much bought me to rock bottom. I've always prided myself on my 'pack' and have had many family members tell me what a credit they are to me and what lovely dogs they are!! Well not anymore, and I don't know who/what is to blame!! I've personally had a pretty crappy time recently but I'm not sure it that's the reason behind their deteriorating behavour, or if it's Cromwell's failing health (and Sidney is trying to take over), or ...or ...or... I could go on with all the thoughts I've had recently!!

 

Anyway what I'd like to hear is if other people have ever gone through a period of complete helplessness and lack of confidence with their dogs? I'm used to losing my confidence with horses (and I know how to overcome that) but with this I'm stumped! I'm sorting out training etc, but I'm more interested in first hand experiences you've had of that feeling where you can't do anything right, and hopefully how you've over come it!!!

[Rileyroo]

Oh, Jacky .

Don't be so hard on yourself - you do have a smashing bunch of dogs and you give them and Kane a fabulous life. I guess it seems like one thing after another at the moment, and you're almost on edge waiting for the next thing to happen.

 

I've never had more than one dog (other than when Tracey Whippet came to stay) so I can't help with the loss of confidence in a group, but my experience with our last dog destroyed my confidence for a long time. The only thing that healed it was time - the memories of the horrible experiences faded and his and my confidence grew again as the incidents lessened. I used to keep a walk / training log and note down the positive things that happened so I could look back at the progress we made. Much better to focus on the good things and not write down the bad ones.

 

I know it's difficult with your already very busy life, but can you take them out in pairs for a while - so you''ve perhaps got Sidney with Cooper and Tiz with Cromwell - would that make it easier to cope with?

 

The other thing is working on your stress levels - keeping them under control too. I used to dose myself with Rescue Remedy in order to try and stop my own reactions (no matter how small I thought they were) from impacting on my dog.

 

Are you still going to take Sidney to Badminton? Riley and I are definitely there on cross country day

[JACKYSIAN]

Are you still going to take Sidney to Badminton? Riley and I are definitely there on cross country day

 

The jury is out on that one!! Most likely cos Tiz is a definatley no to take, Cooper would love it but his hips won't cope and Cromwell would hate it! So it's Sidney or nothing, and if I don't take him I can't leave him with my parents so I'm stuck!!

 

I'd forgotten all you'd been through. I like the idea of a log to remind myself of the positives!

[Trallwm farm]

The jury is out on that one!! Most likely cos Tiz is a definatley no to take, Cooper would love it but his hips won't cope and Cromwell would hate it! So it's Sidney or nothing, and if I don't take him I can't leave him with my parents so I'm stuck!!

 

I'd forgotten all you'd been through. I like the idea of a log to remind myself of the positives!

 

 

http://www.safepets.co.uk

 

This is what Debbie does all day long and Im sure she wont mind you phoning for advice.

[mooandboo]

The first 18 months with Harry, I felt like a complete and utter disaster of a dog owner and even had him up for rehoming at one point - that was the turning point because every prospective home had something which wasn't good for him and I realised that I knew him inside out, that no one else would know him as well and that he needed me to turn things around. I had a tremendous amount of support from Pip at EGLR and some good advice from a local trainer. My problem was a classic - rescue dog = dog which needs pampering and that was the last thing he needed so I toughened up and he relaxed almost instantly. I also had him neutered which helped him enormously (I know yours are already)

 

Then came Islay and things were idyllic, Harry was the perfect *nanny dog* and they were blissful with each other.

 

Then came Lucas Things were fine until one summer holiday when I lapsed into a lazy routine, completely different from the structured school routine and without realising I started to spoil them - especially Lucas who decided then that he was top dog and Harry needed to be got rid of. They had a huge fight & it took all my strength to separate them. Harry needed treatment at the vets for a suspected fractured leg (thankfully not but it woke me up). I phoned Claire and thought Lucas would have to go because he attacked Harry as soon as he came back from the vets.

 

Claire suggested something along the lines of NILIF and I read up on it and started straight away with a slightly adapted version - the results were immediate and things have (touch wood) been ok since.

 

The one thing I have to remember is not to let things slip which was hard at first but is second nature now. They're not perfect and both Harry and Lucas are fear aggressive so can't be walked together by me alone - they're getting better but other owners with out of control dogs don't help and there are plenty round here so it's an ongoing thing but the main thing is they can live together - Lucas even play bowed Harry a few days ago but poor Harry is still wary.

 

I find it's an ongoing challenge and I doubt that I or they will ever be perfect

[meandmy4?]

So many times I have thought what the hell am I doing wrong. These are mine:

 

Bobbi female springer 8-9 years

Murphy male springer 7 years

Paddy male Lab 5 years

Keira boxer x 11 months.

 

All my dogs apart from Paddy have been pains in the asses. Bobbi has always had a massive hunting drive and has run of more times than would like to admit. She killed some baby ducks once and I was heartbroking thought I had savage dog. I have never really cured Bobbi just have to be careful where we take her and about 10 minutes before the end of the walk she goes on the lead or else she does a bunk.

 

Murphy well Murphy has had me so upset at times. In the house he is the best behaved dog never dirtys never chews loves the kids but outside can be evil. He is very hit and miss he has to be muzzled some dogs he wont bat an eyelid some he wants to kill. He runs around crying watching Bobbi but trying to watch us as well and never relaxes. If I am honest he has ruined quite a few things for us like holidays ect as he cant stay with friends as they all have dogs. I expect many people would give up but he is my sons dog and they are inseperable and we all love him. But recently have taking the desicion that we are not taking Murphy on our walks anymore as if I am honest he ruins them for us and the dogs. He gets run over our park at night by hubby.

The hardest one was when Murphy started attacking Paddy when they were about 2 and 4, broke my heart he was vile to Paddy was making his life hell and if honest really didnt like Murphy at that time. At one point thought he may have to go but luckily neautering stopped it as of the day they both got done was instant which was amazing and in last 4 years they had about 2 tiffs.

 

Paddy my lab is just the most perfect dog ever

 

Keira well Keira has nearly eat my kitchen, had chewed the crutch out off so many of my jeans I darent admit. Swipes anything and everything of my kitchen side boards was very disobediant complete pig, chewed leads blah blah and its Ok people saying you shouldnt leave things out but in the real world we are all not that organised and kids and life get in the way. Chewed about £400 of my sons trainers that he leaves about despite being told. We have turned a corner with her and she is now the most beautiful dog sto have although will still swipe food.

 

I know how you feel my dogs bring me so much happiness but at times have thought "whats the point this just isnt enjoyable or fun just hard work and makes me unhappy". And doesnt help people assume as involved with dogs all the time mine must be sooooooooooo well behaved then ask for help and tips whilst mine run riot.

 

Am lucky I have come out the other side as am sure you will

 

 

 

ETA: I appreciatte my dogs so much now as I have been in the pitts of despair with them and 3 outta 4 I have had problems with and this is not to do with them being rescue and my eldest 3 are from a breeder that I got before I got involved in rescue. When you come outta this bad patch which you will I think you enjoy them more.

Edited April 16, 2008 by meandmy4?

[Wendbert]

http://www.safepets.co.uk

 

This is what Debbie does all day long and Im sure she wont mind you phoning for advice.

 

 

 

Debbie really is lovely so would definitely suggest you have a chat with her

[Nettie]

Debbie really is lovely so would definitely suggest you have a chat with her

 

 

Debbie came up here last year and gave us some really good advice and tips, our main problem was Bertie and Rio running riot on the Common when they were together and ganging up on other dogs scaring the living daylights out of them - not doing any physical harm but being bullying hooligans. They also were taken down a peg or two in the house just to make them realise we were the bosses, it wasn't a huge problem but Debbie spotted it as being a potential problem, the dogs are now much more relaxed around the house.

[Laurel n Hardy]

Jacky I have no experience of this and am sure you are far more

knowledgable than me on doggy matters

 

try to look back on all the positives you have acheived with them

and how far you have come with them all.

 

You have had problems with them before and overcame them, this could

be just another one of those bumps in the road that happens to all of us

 

big to you and some kisses from my 'pack' for you too

[melissa]

I do feel for you & yes I have felt at a complete loss at times! As much as I worship the ground stinky, scruffy Roly walks on when I first fostered him (& failed ) I thought I would never overcome his many fears (people, dogs, hoover, telly, any noise,visitors,strong wind!...the list is endless) its 6 months on now & I am beginning to see the light he will never be a confident, friendly to all dog but he has improved so much. I'm not sure if it is anything I have done really & am sure that somethings I have done have not probably helped but I have just accepted that he is what he is and stopped avoiding everything that he doesn't particularily like to do. I have stopped stressing so much & when we see other dogs out & about I don't automatically grab for the lead or let him lead me home. I have just been on holiday & was so worried he would pine away for me (my niece house sat) but in my abscence he soon made friends with her & had the cheek to bark at me when I came home I think it has taught me that maybe I have been too overprotective with him & things I think really bother him he just accepts really and maybe my anxiety passes on to him, if that makes sense? I'm sure you do a great job with your pack and they are lucky to have you, so as has been said don't be hard on yourself we are none of us experts as all dogs are different and I'm sure we worry about things a lot more than they do

[billydog]

 

I have 2 dogs - Finn is a doddle but Billy is a challenge! I think keeping a diary is a really good idea. It's something Jim Greenwood suggested and I think now Billy is so much better it would be nice to look back and see how far we have come when we have a bad day.

 

The only other thing I want to say is that you worry and lose confidence because you are a good owner and care about the wellbeing of your dogs and those around them. Does that make sense? We all agonise over doing the best for our dogs whilst those who don't bother walk round smiling without a care in the world!!

[laura g]

Hey Jacky.

 

I'll give you a ring later but one thing I wanted to add to this post because I'm interested in seeing what other people think...

 

Confidence in numbers - human numbers rather than doggie numbers!

 

I got very friendly with the girl we took this house from and spent alot of time over here before she moved out, getting the dogs used to each other and the land. One thing I noticed is I'm a lot more confident with mine when there are people with me. She agreed: it's almost like you transfer the huge weight of responsibility you have on making sure the dogs dont berserk onto another person. You relax and it might not be the guys behave any better, but as a person you deal with it better.

 

What I need to do is to get the visions I have in my head of our guys laying happily in the garden rather than looking for the sneaky ways out or legging it over the wall, or simply gambolling 30' away from me in the field rather than buggering off into the distance or leaping into the forbidden carp lake. Limit your expectations and all that.

 

We're back to basics here. Lots of onlead and never all 3 at once.

 

I'm also much much more fragile when i'm tired, which is practically all the time at the moment. so i'm off of early morning walking and late at night .... times they are most excited but i find them harder to cope with. That makes me guilty but I reckon better guilt then setting myself up in a confidence shattering situation.

 

You have gorgeous dogs Jacky. So many (including mine) dont get the life yours do. Sure everything will be fine. It might not be exactly the way you thought it would, but it'll be fine nonetheless. x

[kats n greys]

 

I think anybody with a dog feels like a poo owner sometimes and when you have a pack the feeling can be magnified (at least that's what I keep telling myself ).

 

We have had a few incidents with Sorda that had us both , we've had incidents were she's had a go at the others, luckily nothing serious, but distressing all the same and often without cause (to us anyway ), we did manage to work out one cause when she was having a go at them all including Aswan, we maybe wrong, but it seems to be working at the moment.

 

Although they are all fed at the same time (cats fed first), their bowls went down in a set order, the girls are fed in the kitchen and normally the bowls went down Cushna, Aswan & Sorda (not for any reason, it just happened) as Sorda was the slowest eater, we started putting hers down first. We suddenly had Sorda attacking the others for what appeared to be no real reason, if they walked past her she fly at them and various other "little things", after a few weeks we realised that we'd unthinkingly varied their routine and maybe that was it so we swapped putting their bowls back to the way they were before, she obviously likes this because she gets up about 15mins after everybody else in the morning - after the cats and when her food is ready

 

We had a couple of minor incidents with Lloyd recently that have dented our confidence with him and allowing him off-lead, we are hoping to go back to first principles with him, but need an enclosed area where we can practise- as his last time off-lead, we think he got spooked and instead of coming back to us (as is his normal habit) he took off up a lane and we think heading home, not good with a greyhound who could be a mile away before I've finished saying his name , luckily a woman blocked his way (was I grateful to her) and he decided I was a better bet than her.

 

Sorry for waffling

[JACKYSIAN]

Sorry for waffling

 

Please don't think that it's waffle!! Honestly all these have really helped me feel better (and each other I hope!) it's good to know that I'm not the only one and that there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

 

I do agree Laura, I'm 100% more confident with someone. I walked with my friend last night on the beach, and while Sidney was a bit naughty (barky and had a little growl at her new pup) other than that I did relax alot! Mind you it does help that I know there are no sheep anywhere near that beach and most of the time it's completely empty!

 

Keep them coming, I'm finding them extreamly interesting and a great postitive.