I Need Some Ideas On Changing Anxious Behaviour

[traceymcl]

My anxious behaviour that is, not the dogs'.

 

For anybody that doesn't know me, I own 2 bullmastiffs. Cal - who is 5 and Katie - who is 4. Cal is my first dog. We had no dogs when I was growing up, didn't spend time with anybody who had dogs and I knew nothing about them when I got him at 10 weeks.

 

When he was a little over 20 months old (Katie was 3 - 4 months at the time), he had an unfortunate reaction to some medication. In a few weeks he went from loving other dogs to having a serious problem with them. He came close to killing my friend's dog, could no longer be in training classes (he would lunge constantly every time another dog moved and would terrify them until they stayed still), he couldn't be within 30 feet of an young, entire male dog, would be distressed by the sound of dogs barking even if he couldn't see them. And he loathed spaniels with a passion.

 

I had no idea how to help him. What didn't help was that the behaviourist at the club I went to told me that it was sad but it was his breed. She said that some male bullmastiffs just grow up to be dog aggressive and told me that he would be like that for life. This is not at all a critisism of her - most very experienced bullmastiff people I know would agree totally and would not even think of mixing a male bullmastiff with other dogs.

 

Thanks to perseverance, TTouch, heelwork to music and some fantastic people, Cal is absolutely fine now. In fact, he is quite unbelievably tolerant with other dogs. Recently, he has very happily met a couple of adolescent dogs who bounced him (one of these was an entire male), has been on holiday with over 30 spaniels, we had a cocker to stay for a few days over the summer.

 

Last Saturday he had a training session in the yard of a boarding kennels with a row of dogs barking at him - he wasn't bothered. Last night, he mixed happily with a large group of dogs. Was followed around by an entire male mini daschie who fancies him (and would stand under him licking his willie at every opportunity), allowed a young, male Gordon setter to sniff his feet when he was lying down (he has tickly feet and doesn't actually like them being sniffed). Generally he is totally fine. He will say if he isn't happy but his reactions aren't over the top.

 

I, on the other hand, am still not fine. I worry about his reactions, I get anxious sometimes. I still sometimes will drag him out of situations and I still get stressed when I see dogs I don't know when I'm out walking.

 

To be fair, this doesn't upset Cal. But, I feel it is causing Katie problems. She picks up very easily on my emotions and if I'm upset, she gets upset. Not surprisingly, growing up with me coping with Cal and with a severly dog aggressive dog, her upbringing wasn't what it should have been.

 

I feel that she has got really amazing potential with training and in interacting with other dogs (she is naturally easier to train and more compassionate than Cal). But, my worries are holding her back.

 

So, any ideas as to what I can do to modify my behaviour?

 

Tracey xx

[sanrossscot]

Hmm, tricky one that. I am trying to think and will come back with any solutions I might come up with

[merledogs]

I don't know whether it will work for you, but I will tell you what I would suggest based on my experience

 

Bluff it. Even though you may not feel calm, don't show the dogs. Take a deep breath and speak to them in a sing song, happy voice or a very calm voice. I do that with my dogs when I am uncertain in any situation and they take their cue from me. I still move away from the situation which I am not happy with, but I do it in such a manner that they don't realise I was worried. I also find it works in calming me down. I say things like "come on then kids, let's go this way instead" in a silly voice (although obviously you could be reciting the alphabet and they'd be none the wiser, it's the tone of voice that matters).

 

Taffy and Milly in particular are very in tune with me and it works with them. I also find that the more vigilant I am and the further in advance I spot a potential 'situation', the more calmly I am able to tackle it.

 

Try taking some Rescue Remedy before you take the dogs out as well - it may just take the edge off the anxiety.

 

And last but not least, give yourself a ton of credit for how far you've come with Cal - and have some faith in him - you have obviously brought him a long long way

Edited November 23, 2006 by madmerle

[pawsnlearn]

 

I, on the other hand, am still not fine. I worry about his reactions, I get anxious sometimes. I still sometimes will drag him out of situations and I still get stressed when I see dogs I don't know when I'm out walking.

 

Tracey xx

 

You .... on the other hand are only human and not superwoman .. so don't be so hard on yourself! Seriously though Tracey .... I wish you could see yourself as others .. and I am sure Cal and Katie see you. You do a brilliant job for both Cal and Katie ... you are intuitive and caring in the way you live with and train them.

 

The more you worry .. the more tense you will be. If you feel you are getting worked up ... exhale. Make sure that your knees are soft and you are moving through your hips. I promise it happens to everybody at some time and in some situations. Know your body and where it holds tension and you can change things. Remember that little Feldenkrais phrase Edie Jane and Robyn quote, "If you know what you do ... you can do what you want." It really is true.

[traceymcl]

You .... on the other hand are only human and not superwoman .. so don't be so hard on yourself! Seriously though Tracey .... I wish you could see yourself as others .. and I am sure Cal and Katie see you. You do a brilliant job for both Cal and Katie ... you are intuitive and caring in the way you live with and train them.

 

The more you worry .. the more tense you will be. If you feel you are getting worked up ... exhale. Make sure that your knees are soft and you are moving through your hips. I promise it happens to everybody at some time and in some situations. Know your body and where it holds tension and you can change things. Remember that little Feldenkrais phrase Edie Jane and Robyn quote, "If you know what you do ... you can do what you want." It really is true.

 

Thanks Marie and Alex,

 

I don't panic all the time and you are right Marie - most of the time I am fine. I must just try to exhale or recite something stupid if I feel myself getting tense.

 

It just annoys me that I worry (this a general worry thing, I've always done it so it isn't specifically about the dogs) because usually when things go wrong I cope perfectly well. You'd think that would give me confidence but it doesn't seem to work like that.

 

Tracey xx

[safneo]

Tracey,

 

to an outsider (having met you) you come across as a very warm, loving and confident person so I am sure thats what Cal and Katie see too. Its only you that need to see it now Have faith in yourself too!!

Edited November 25, 2006 by safneo

[PamJade]

This is going to sound like secret code to most people but - Abalone with a lift on your chest. I was stressed out and 'jittery' (depression crap) while on a course with Linda, she suggested that, it's like a one handed hug, very comforting. I think it makes the chest muscles relax which makes all of you relax.

 

Also just think how far you have come

[traceymcl]

Tracey,

 

to an outsider (having met you) you come across as a very warm, loving and confident person so I am sure thats what Cal and Katie see too. Its only you that need to see it now Have faith in yourself too!!

 

Thanks so much, Andrea. You're very kind.

 

This is going to sound like secret code to most people but - Abalone with a lift on your chest. I was stressed out and 'jittery' (depression crap) while on a course with Linda, she suggested that, it's like a one handed hug, very comforting. I think it makes the chest muscles relax which makes all of you relax.

 

Thanks for that, Pam. I tried that this morning when I was having a bit of a flap about whether or not Katie was too stressed to take out with Cal or not. She's had a bit of a stressful weekend, bless her. It really helped.

 

In the end, I decided she'd cope with a walk and I was really glad I took her. For the first time ever, she had a play with a young wolfhound. Cal and Katie are walked several times a week with 2 wolfhounds. The older wolfie and Katie are best pals. Katie is just a month older than Willow and they've grown up together.

 

Oz, the younger wolfie, is 2 years younger than them. For some reason, Katie has just never been interested in him. She doesn't mind if he runs around with her and Willow but just blanks him if he tries to get her to play with him. She'll literally just look away from him or go round him. If he knocks her over, she'll bark at him. But otherwise, she just ignores him. Oz adores Katie and follows around after her like a vast lamb.

 

This morning, he ran over to Katie, ever hopeful that she'd play with him. And she did And best of all, even though she's quite stressed just now, she remembered that it was Oz she was playing with not Willow and wasn't rough with him. At one point, she got too much and he looked worried so she backed off a bit. Then she just played chases and play bow games with him.

 

So thanks very much, Pam.

 

Tracey xx

[PamJade]

Delighted it worked but twas LTJ not me and all the hours of work that you have put in

[traceymcl]

Delighted it worked but twas LTJ not me

 

Maybe, but it was you who told me about it.

 

We had a lovely day today. The dogs came out for an early morning walk with my friend and her lovely setters. Katie was calm and Cal had a nice run with the setters.

 

Then I took them with me when I went to my friends' boarding kennel to do some TTouch with a troubled lurcher they are fostering at the moment. Very nice time. The lurcher did brilliantly and as one of my friends is a fab behaviourist, it was very easy for us to work together.

 

Cal also got to meet and have a play with their young Tibetan Mastiff. She's only about 10 months and extremely full on with other dogs. When she was released from their house, she charged at Cal and started leaping all over him. I'm pleased to say that he was fab with dogs like that. He took himself away from her, just sniffed around the place and ignored her. Once she was calm, he then was happy to play with her.

 

Even a year ago, I wouldn't have let him meet her like that because he would have flattened her for behaving impolitely. Then he just couldn't cope with adolescent dogs at all.

 

Tracey xx

[JoC]

No advice on changing anxious behaviour from me, cos that would be hypocritical

 

Just want to say that you are absolutely amazing with your dogs (and in general) so many people would have given up on them and just accepted their behaviour, but you changed it with compassion and strength of character at all times.

 

You've not only done wonders for them, but you and your dogs are walking adverts for reward based training. You've had an impact on many, many more dogs than just your own, and that's a hell of an achievement.

 

It makes sense that you would be anxious in some situations, Cal and to a slightly lesser extent Katie have control over their actions, they don't have to worry about what they might do or what might happen that they can't control, wheras you do. Part of the reason they CAN be so relaxed is because they trust you and know you are careful about what situations you put them in, so in many ways your anxiety, which results in your cautiousness (is that a word?) is what helped them get so far in the first place.

 

The only thing I've found useful in dealing with anxiety (bearing in mind I don't deal with it well) is using anchoring. The only real fear I've had that I managed to conquer (ish) is the fear of running classes. What I did was when I felt positive about myself and confident in my abilities, I'd focus on that feeling and squeeze my thumb. Then when I needed a confidence boost, I squeezed my thumb and because it was linked with all those positive feelings, it brought them back, which helped.