GAILEY

Going to Tenerife .....so can't take the girlies Flying from Glasgow, but don't want to take the girls out of my home area as we have a late flight back and would need to collect them next morning. Going to look at Brackenbank Lodge on Saturday to see what that's like, and also looking at a local lady who doggie sits - which I'd prefer, but its a dodgy time of year and don't know how she'd feel about 2 extra dinner guests at Christmas. Any other suggestions warmly welcomed

Just to say....most of them got homes and are now doing fine. Thanks for all offers

Hi, I'm hoping that somebody may be able to suggest some good kennels in Cumbria for my 2 girlies. They have never been to kennels before, so I am a bit nervous - and very keen to find the right ones that will treat them well and not make them feel they have been abandoned All suggestions gratefully received

Thank you ever so much - but aren't you too far away?

Thanks - I have sent you a PM with my details

Can anyone help please by offering homes to brown laying hens who are otherwise going to be killed at the end of the weekend. A local farm is clearing out (which I think is required by law after a year or so) and has already sent about 2500 for slaughter. However, some escaped during the capture operation and the farmer has agreed that if homes can be found he'll let them go that was rather than for (presumably) dog food. Apparently, they are over their "time" now and he can't keep them past the weekend. They are brown layers - about a year and a half old. If anyone can offer any homes I would be very happy - not sure if he would ask anything for them - if so it'll only be a matter of pence I'm sure, as I think they are actually charged these days for removal of birds for slaughter, so hopefully they'll be free - I am near Appleby. Gailey

You are not a numpty....but all those around you are..and they want you to be prime minister I wish all my DIY was finished...

What do you wish for Ian??

Just to say that we stayed at The Arches bed and breakfast at Whitby the early part of this half term - with 2 of our girls Zara and 6 month old Berrie (who'se housetraining is....errr..shakey...) .and who can both be rather boisterous. They were met with chewsticks and dog friendly areas suggested - they didn't charge for the dogs at all - but a donation could be given to the whitby animal rescue if desired. We would certainly go back - and the breakfasts were fab!!

WWWWWWWWWWWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down , but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! "You know, "he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? " "No, "she replies. . . . " wait for it. . . wait for it. . . . . . "You just happened to catch my eye."

Brilliant!!!!

I'm gonna have to join the gang of leopards....all called Lola

I'm beginning to worry about you Marion....

Oh dear....I'm animal!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (thanks Sarah )

Soooooooo true, except number 20 - mine is a man evolved to have a mobile phone implanted in his ear..

http://www.upsitedown.co.il/anim/rest40.html

Ego

Oh dear - I clicked about 4 times then paranoia set in in case it was a virus!!! And I'm afraid I am every colour known to man...except blonde!!

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot him again. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung? A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. Q. Why do little boys whine? A. Because they're practicing to be men. Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him....OR...... Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A. Because not one will stop and ask directions. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A. To stop the snoring before it starts. Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder: "Instruction Manuals"

> > > Two tourists are driving through Wales. > > > As they were approaching > > > 'Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch'they > > > started arguing about how the pronunciation of the > > > town's name. > > > They argued back and forth until they stopped for > > > lunch. > > > As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the > > > blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please > > > settle an argument for us? > > > "Would you please prounounce where we are... very > > > slowly?" > > > The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, > > > "Burrrrrrr gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiiing"

Master

Angels

A man and a woman, who have never met before, who are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own f****** blanket!" After a moment of silence, he farted.

Basic Geordie really ...... :lol: :lol: :lol: