JessandCos Posted September 19, 2008 Report Share Posted September 19, 2008 divorced my kids dad when they were nearly 3 and 5. For the first two years (whilst fighting over the house) he was the came over as being the model father - so he would look good when it went to court - which is what he wanted. He would see them fortnightly - he only lived 20 minutes away. Once the divorce was sorted and finalised, he got more and more disinterested, he subsequently met someone else and started letting the kids down, to the point were both were getting distressed as they were never sure if they were seeing him or not. I confronted him, by now my son was 8 and my daughter 5, both in primary school. and told him in no unvertin terms he committed to seeing his kids on a regular basis as per the court order or he will have no choice but to give up his parental rights, as the distress that was caused was tremendous, and his new gf hated the kids beyond belief, and the kids drew drawing of what was happening at his flat, which was passed on to mysolicitor in case it was ever needed. A week later he put in writing that there was no way he could commit to being a father, parent etc and would not be able to fulfill the terms of the court order and would therefore give up his parental rights. My kids have not seen him for 9 years, never had a birthday or christmas card from him or anything else. They have both grown up as well rounded, polite, responsible young adults. They know how to contact him if they want to, and that has always been made clear that I would not stop them getting in touch with him, they have seen his friends reunited entry where he does not acknowledge their existence IMO it is more damaging to be around a dad who does not care, who has been forced to see his kids for whatever reason, than being without dad at all, within a stable, caring enviroment. In years to come he will realise what he has missed out on, and it will be his loss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brunzara Posted September 21, 2008 Report Share Posted September 21, 2008 Hmm, a difficult one.........I grew up without a Dad and it does effect you, even now as a very independent 38 years old I sometimes get upset at the fact that my Dad doesn't want to know. I think what hurts more is that other people kept on forcing us together and then I would get more upset at the fact that he didn't keep in touch when he said he would. A clean break without any contact at all would probably have been much easier I think that you have probably done the right thing Ally by giving him an ultimatum............let's hope he grows some balls and does right by his children Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranirottie Posted September 21, 2008 Report Share Posted September 21, 2008 well done for doing whats best for your kids. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red-devil0602 Posted September 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 22, 2008 Well another weekend has passed and no contact from him thats it as far as i am concerned the problem i have is what do i tell the kids when they ask if they are seeing him, im sick of making excuses for him but i dont want to hurt my kids by telling them their dad doesnt want to see them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathyw Posted September 22, 2008 Report Share Posted September 22, 2008 My heart goes ot to you Ally. What do you say to children that will not cause them pain? In any other circumstancec you can say 'well he/she has no sense and is the one losing out by not having you in his/her life', but this is their father and the thought that he does not want them well.................. I just don't know. Perhaps you could avoid the 'doesn't want them' bit somehow and just say he is selfish and wants to do his own thing and that some men never grow up - they will still be upset but the thought of rejection (doesn't want you) wont come into it. That way it's nothing to do with them, it's to do with him and is his problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red-devil0602 Posted September 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 22, 2008 I dont like to bad mouth him in anyway to the kids, i suppose because i had a great relationship with my Dad i want the same for them but its not going to happen. I cant get my head around the fact that how can he not want to see his kids? I would go crazy if i couldnt see my girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shazzy Posted September 23, 2008 Report Share Posted September 23, 2008 My children havent seen their father for about 3 years. Middle son phones him constantly and cant seem to understand that he fobs them off. Daughter is clued up and realises that her Dad has no interest. Eldest son doesnt care one way or the other. I have been divorced from him for 15 years and in that time he has seen them about 6 times altogether. My OH now is their Dad and he is the one they look to. Keep strong - if he doesnt want to know let it be. Dont force the issue. If he waa worth the salt he would be there. by the way mu kids are 21 23 and 24 so not even babies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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