Samjam

£16...do you want a bet

£12...i need to know more

£7.00

Emma, your photos are brilliant, i love that one.

What a brilliant photo.

So so sorry Thoughts are with you

Dear Aunty MelPs Please could you help me As it is the bank holiday this weekend, i have decided to go out for a ride! But since having traded my old banger for a new compact model...i am having awful problems fitting myself close enough to the driving tackle !! Doesnt matter how much i push or squeeze myself i just cant seem to get myself comfortable enough for a long ride. Please please could you suggest how i could place myself in an appropriate position to enjoy the bank holiday ride i am so looking forward to. By the way, strapping them down does not help whatsoever..as recently while i was on a fast long ride..i tried this and the strap broke leaving me with a broken nose...two black eyes and a dizzy feeling for days. Yours Gratefully Inflated Melons from Lancs x

Hello RMFers MelP have you tried a sink plunger...sure if you plunged it a few times in an appropiate place it would encourage..said bowel problems to move. to everyoneelse as i have just read all 19 pages and cant remember what was what or by who!! RMF: How come when its lovely and sunny and warm outside..i manage to catch a blinkin cold. How does ones body make all these huge amounts of green snot and why ?? Surely if i am extracting copious amounts of it from my nose...i should be losing some weight...cause its bloody heavy in my hankie.

Well Done Everyone Number 8 is my Spangle Thanks Very Much.

Loads of positive thoughts being sent for the Poopies.

I received this by text this week, and everytime i listen to it i sit giggling, it is one of the funniest things i have heard for a while. So thought i would share

Well my dog was a maltese terrier, so was kinda Dinky It was the only other name i could think of with D.

I once had a dog called Dinky Doo........is that name any good ????? I like Dooley too .

I got one thanks Helen, if that helps

Thank You...i know Mel got the payment as i am on the list.

Can i ask if my photos were recieved I paid and sent them to Helen via email on 6th April, but they havemt been added as of yet...and i did resize them myself.

So so sorry My thought are with you, Trev and the children. Safe journey Cisco.

I also didnt find Camarose cream to be highly affective. I actually swore by Hilton Herbs Phytobalm, when i had my horses, it was an excellent cream. I used it successfully on my old german shepherd who had pressure sores, before she left us. Another brilliant wound/sore cream is Green Cream, avaialable from Galens Garden. I am currently using it on my chinchilla, who got his leg stuck in his cage, thus cutting it rather badly, within a week it has nearly completely healed the leg. I have used it numerous times on animals with wounds/sores and i am always amazed at how quick it helps heal the areas !!

OMG I think i just weeed

Erm not that i make a habit out of closely looking at a dogs bottom But i can see a face in his bottom.

Don't Fart in Bed This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said," Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Just got back from the Robbie concert. My ears are buzzing and my feet are killing, but have had the best day out ever. Robbie was absolutely amazing. We had gold circle tickets, which is right in front of the stage, so i couldnt have got any closer if i tried. Couple of pics i took tonight (I actuallly took 65 ) but i shall just show you 2.

Morning This is my first post ever in here. But just had to say, as i am more excited than a bonkers frog........am just about to leave to go to the Robbie Williams concert at Leeds. Have Golden Circle tickets, right in front of stage, and if he comes tooo close i might just have to snog his face off.

This is an insight on how the Dog would pray... Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? FROM: THE DOG Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? FROM: THE DOG Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Ford Cougar" the " Ford Beagle"? FROM: THE DOG Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog? FROM: THE DOG Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. ! What do humans understand? FROM: THE DOG Dear God:More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. FROM: THE DOG Dear God: Are there postmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologise? FROM: THE DOG Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog. 1 I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 3. The rubbish bin is not a biscuit jar. 4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. 5. The binman is not stealing our stuff. 6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's! on the toilet. 7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello". 8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table. 9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after. 10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my bottom. 11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my bits. 12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back FROM: THE DOG