bonniebird Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 (edited) Hi all, My friend has lost about 4 to 5 stone on weight watchers. She's done really well, but, she is now only 8 stone and she's looking VERY thin and ill Her face is so boney and her eyes are kind of hollowed. Her husband is worried about her and some of her friends have told her that she's lost to much weight. I have been on holiday for the past 2 weeks and had not seen her for about a month, when I did see her a few days back, I was shocked. The problem is, if I say she looks great, well done etc, I will be encouraging her to lose more weight, she is obsessed with it. On the other hand I don't want to be horrible and tell her she needs to stop, which is what I want to say So what would you say? I can't ignore her weight loss as its obvious and she is well happy and I do not want to upset her or offend her Its really worrying me, I wasn't going to ask, but I don't know how to deal with it. Thanks all Karen x Edited October 13, 2010 by bonniebird Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooster Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Hmm, tricky one. What I imagine has happened if she has lost that much weight, she has probably got used to eating small portions, and doesn't realise that she needs to increase the portions slightly now in order to maintain her weight at a steady level. I plummeted to 7 stone about 3 years ago and couldn't put on weight as I was really stressed, so it could be worth maybe having a girly shopping day with her and trying to have a chat with her over a coffee. My turning point when I realised I needed to actively seek to put on weight more was when I went to a wedding and even through the dress I could count my ribs and my hip bones were sticking out (they are no longer visible now). I would just advise her to be there for her, take her out shopping and just be a good friend and listen to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonniebird Posted October 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Thanks Gooster Yes, she is really obsessive about calories etc now, being at Weight Watchers I thought they would be advising her to maintain now, they probably are. She is really a bag of bones, but I know she thinks she looks good. She is a lovely lady and a very good friend, thats why I feel I need to be honest, but in a very nice way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackmagic Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Do you know if she has reached / passed her ideal weight? Many years ago my mother lost weight with Weightwatchers and my father put his foot down about the amount of weight she was losing. She still had half a stone to lose to reach their target weight but the family all thought she was beginning to look haggard. My father told her he liked her the size that she was and she was not to lose any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snow Posted October 14, 2010 Report Share Posted October 14, 2010 Dont get me started on Weight Watchers - me and hubby are currently referring to the group my mother goes to as a cult like your friend my mother has lost far far FAR too much weight with them and I have had serious concerns about her health as a result, but she wont listen to me or listen to anything I have to say about it. My concerns first arose when she got within 7lbs of her original target weight only to be told they'd "miscalculated" and she needed to lose another stone - that happened twice, of course it had nothing to do with the fact that once she reached her target weight she didn't have to pay to go any more nooooooo of course not. She STILL goes and gets weighed every week - yet she is now 1.5 stone UNDER her target weight and the group leader hasn't said a damned word about it or advised my mother to stop losing weight and start eating normally. My mothers explanation for keeping going was that she wanted to give herself a bit of leeway as she could only put on under 7lbs before she had to start to pay again, then she said as she was going on her cruise she wanted to lose a bit more as she expected to put on weight whilst on holiday ... well she didn't in fact she lost 2lbs! She has gone from a size 20 to a size 10/12 she claims to feel fitter and have less strain on her joints (she has rheumatoid arthritis and a hip replacement) what she wont accept is she looks dreadful - she has visibly aged and now looks old and frail with lots of lines and creases she has never had before now, even her hair looks like "old hair" - definately has lost condition and shine - this she blames on her medications despite the fact shes been on them for 20 years now and only since she lost weight has her hair turned to straw. No advice from me I'm afraid I've tried lots of different approaches with my mum - none have worked - so I can empathise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura_E Posted October 14, 2010 Report Share Posted October 14, 2010 Back in 2004 I lost nearly three stone and went from a size 14 to a size 8 in the space of a few months. All of my friends were telling me about how awful I looked, but I just thought that they were jealous. Like your friend, I became obsessed with losing more and more and would weigh myself about five times a day. It also became quite addictive and I felt a real sense of achievement if I had managed to shift another few pounds. What was interesting is that all of my female friends would tell me how bad I looked, but all my male friends said I looked great. But to be honest I really didn't care what anyone else thought, it was just about what I thought. I remember one day I was at work (in the prison) and one of the inmates shouted 'skinny bitch' out of the window. Instead of being angry, I felt happy that somebody thought I was skinny. I had a very warped view of the world. It wasn't helped by the fact that a woman approached me in the street one day and said if I could lose 'half a stone or so' she would be interested in giving me a casting. I'm 5'10 and at the time weighed 8 and a half stone. I kept this up for four years and I can now say that without a doubt, I had an eating disorder. At the time I didn't think so as I wasn't making myself sick or starving myself completely, but I was totally obsessed. I knew exactly how many calories were in everything and would never eat more than 900 a day (even though women should eat between 1500- 2000 daily). At the beginning of 2008 I noticed that I had put on weight from christmas and was too scared to weigh myself. I went on the slim fast diet to try and shift it quickly, but it just made me more hungry. Gradually over the year I got fatter and fatter and by christmas 2008 I was wearing a size 12. Since then I have got even bigger and am now back to a 12/14. I am incredibly unhappy with how I look now, but I know that it was unhealthy and impossible for me to maintain that weight without putting stress on my body. I never had any energy and went through a stage of having an almost permanent cold sore. I was still working in the prison at the time and would regularly have to restrain inmates, but the more weight I lost the more difficult I found it. That didn't go unnoticed by my colleagues either. I know it sounds quite cheesy, but I think the turning point probably came when I adopted Bouncer from the OC. He took my mind off of me and gave me something positive to focus on. He also changed my entire routine, so that threw all of my stupid eating rituals out of sync. I'm not suggesting that your friend adopts a dog! However, giving her something else to focus on could be a starting point. The other thing about eating disorders is the sense of control that they give you. I know that the more people told me to eat, the more determined I was to not. Most of us are bound by rules and regulations in life, but what we do to our own bodies isn't one of them. It's also important to remember that your friend is probably still in her euphoric stage at the moment. If she has been over weight for some time, she will be relishing the 'new her'. Things that she probably used to dread, like shopping, can now be something to enjoy. When I was a size 8 I was in Topshop every week, now I do everything in my power to avoid clothes shops in general. People are also probably treating her differently than before. I don't mean friends and family, but the general public. I know that sounds odd, but it's definitely something that I noticed. This is just my opinion, but I wouldn't say anything to her about her weight unless she mentions it. At the moment it is probably at the back of her mind all of the time anyway, and talking about it will just reinforce whatever is going on in her head. It would probably be a nice distraction if you turned up and just spoke about whatever is going on in your life at the moment. Maybe suggest meeting up for lunch and then encourage her to have a dessert. Say something like 'let's be naughty, I think we deserve it'. If she has been sticking to this diet rigidly she has probably forgotten how good a lot of these foods taste and it's good to have a reminder. Sorry, this has turned into a bit of an essay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaUK Posted October 14, 2010 Report Share Posted October 14, 2010 Dont get me started on Weight Watchers - me and hubby are currently referring to the group my mother goes to as a cult I think that is something of an exaggeration Of course I can't speak for your mum's experience,but generally Weigh Watchers is well run and in my experience very ethical ... Hence heir longevity within their field If you have REAL concerns about your mums health and welfare,maybe call their head office? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snow Posted October 14, 2010 Report Share Posted October 14, 2010 Dont get me started on Weight Watchers - me and hubby are currently referring to the group my mother goes to as a cult I think that is something of an exaggeration Of course I can't speak for your mum's experience,but generally Weigh Watchers is well run and in my experience very ethical ... Hence heir longevity within their field If you have REAL concerns about your mums health and welfare,maybe call their head office? Not at all - the word cult is entirely appropriate: Collins: English Dictionary Definition (Meaning) of cult n 1. a specific system of religious worship, 2. a sect devoted to the beliefs of a cult, 3. devoted attachment to a person, idea, or activity, 4. a popular fashion, the bungee-jumping cult, adj Moreover whilst as you rightly say you cannot speak for MY mothers experience - I most certainly CAN, additionally I can speak for my OWN experience of Weight Watchers and several other slimming clubs and for some of them the description of a cult would also have been entirely appropriate. I'm quite sure you didn't mean to imply with your choice of capitals that my concern for my mothers health is anything but REAL - perhaps it was an unfortunate emphasis on your part? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tisaann Posted October 25, 2010 Report Share Posted October 25, 2010 15 weeks ago I weighed in at 11 stone. After lots of walking, no alcohol and eating smaller portions of what I wanted I have finally lost 1 1/2 stone and weigh my personal target weight of 9.7 stone. I have just been on the web to see what my ideal weight for my height should be and it say's that i am OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!! How in heavens name can they say that as I am now a size TEN. I can so see why people carry on dieting and dieting until it becomes an obsession and they end up skeletal in the eyes of everyone except themselves. Well this is me now at MY ideal weight. I shall now proceed to eat sensibly and walk as and when the mood takes me but I shall NOT attempt to loose any more. Stuff what the book say's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happylittlegreensquirrel Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 NHS have a online BMI tool Here and Weight Watchers also have a Weight Range Chart here If members are being encouraged to go way below those weights at a class maybe a call to the head office might a way forward Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts