Why Not To Take Your Husband Shopping.....

[Fee]

Dear Mrs. Cater,

 

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Wigan is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

 

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in House Wares..... and watched what happened.

 

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

 

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

 

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

 

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the House Wares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were situated.

 

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the theme tune from 'Mission Impossible'

 

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

 

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME, PICK ME!'

 

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the fetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

 

And; last, but not least:

 

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

Edited July 26, 2008 by Fee

[owl]

:laugh:

 

I went round a supermarket once with 2 mischievous toddlers, friend's offspring. Their tiny mitts were everywhere At the checkout my basket contained lots of every kind of condom on sale and I didn't notice them until the assistant started putting them through. I asked her to stop and took a look in the basket to discover a ton of contraband sweeties had found their way there as well, so I gave them to the assistant together with the condoms. By this time the 2 little pests were getting bored and gearing up for a tantrum. She gave me a sympathetic look and asked me if I wanted ALL the condoms removed from my shopping

[K9Fran]

My oldest son and I once did the alarm clocks thing.............. And a friend and her two kids did the 'boogies' thing from Dick & Doms saturday morning show......

Edited July 27, 2008 by K9Fran

[AngieK9]

OMG that's like shopping with my OH! Once he pushed me head first into a freezer, he has walked down an aisle balancing a brush on his nose (a sweeping broom). Another time he was with his 80 year old mother and shouted "No mother, you've had two bottles of gin already". I dread going because you never know what he's going to say (or do).

When I worked for the Salvation Army the officers went to the cash & carry (in uniform), Captain put bottles of gin and condoms in the trolley and Major didn't notice until they got to the checkout.

When the kids we looked after got headlice I went to the chemist with Captain, at the counter she said loudly"You don't have to pretend it's for kids Ange- it's not your fault you've got nits"