staffymonkey

How do frogs kill themselves? They Kermit suicide! What do frogs like to drink? Croak-a-cola The Ferrari Formula 1 Team sacked its entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the UK Government's Youth Opportunity Scheme and employ people from Liverpool. The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Liverpool area were able to remove a set of wheels in less than six seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in eight seconds with millions of euros worth of high tech equipment. Prime Minister Tony Blair went on record as saying this was a bold move by the Ferrari management, which demonstrated the international recognition of the UK under New Labour. As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari now have the advantage over every team. However, Ferrari may have got more than they bargained for. At the crew's first practice session the Liverpool pit crew successfully changed the tyres in under six seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged, and sold the vehicle to the McLaren Team for eight bottles of Stella, a kilo of speed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower. A couple return from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong. "Well," replied the man, "when we had finished making love on the first night, I got up to go to the bathroom and I put a £50 note on the pillow without thinking." "Oh, I shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!" The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over it though - she gave me £20 change!" A blind man, deaf man and a lame man went on a pilgrimage to Lourdes. The blind man washed his eyes with water from the spring and exclaimed "I can see! I can see!" The deaf man washed his ears with the spring water and exclaimed "I can hear! I can hear!" The lame man drove his wheelchair into the water and out the other side yelling "I got new tires!" A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supers£x!" She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supers£x!" He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup." A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Ooooh, thanks guys! I went on holiday and forgot to look back I haver been spraying the manky chin with antiseptic spray, and it seems to be getting a bit less rancid... but might have to get some of that cream raceylacey for next time I get a PMT breakout... And the boxes, yep, it's so you know if you've been naughty!

Lindsay, you have my respect. One of the reasons I'm not keen on kids is that this dog training lark is hard enough - just imagine if it took 'em 25+ years to grow up...

Both sound good to me - Dulwich Park Cafe particularly. I have no problems with kids around during the day (but would avoid if possible), but in the evenings I think a most definite NO. As you might have guessed, I don't have kids, and I'm not too fond of them ruining expensive meals that I've saved up to have (it's happened more than once). I know that they've apparently got to learn to behave somehow - and I'm sure I'll change my mind if ever I succumb and have any ;) - but why can't families eat in an environment with other kids who're learning too? That way, everyone's happy ;) - the well behaved families can be smug that their kids are better than the screaming ones, and the bad ones get a good example to aspire to /corrupt I joke, but seriously, it would be good - on planes too. Surely, it'd make the experience less stressful for the parents of the more, um, 'confident' kids (how embarrassing it must be to be the one with the red faced screaming brat? I'd want the ground to swallow me up and make the dirty looks stop...) . And if there were better facilities and more stuff to keep the kids entertained, then kids would be happier and behaviour might be better too? My parents didn't take my brother or myself out to resturants much at all when we were small - they couldn't afford it really, and rathered enjoy some space to themselves until we were over 8. However but we did eat a proper meal at the table every night, and regularly went to family friends for dinner parties from a young age. That way, we learnt to behave (even use the right cutlery/not start food fights/not talk about poo whilst eating chocolate mousse - thugh this may not be the case any more ;) ), without annoying everyone around us - so I totally agree with Scotslass - you needn't eat out to learn good manners - you just need to eat around a table, not in front of the telly!

He looks like he's goinmg SO FAST! before I start gioving this agility lark a go (which I think I may well do, once Maddie's over the car sickness...) I'm gonna have to start going jogging... Patch, please say a big, big thanks to all the agility addicts whop've added pix and stories - all really fantastic By the by, what *did* happen next? My guess is stafflet did a power leap (usually best exhibited when jumping off your lap towards the cat...) from seesaw before it had chance to send him into orbit...

If you find that your doglets not good with dairy - and some aren't - try cooked plain brown rice and cooked lean chicken - and small quantities at first, until the tum settles. IF she doesn';t want to eat it because it's so bbland, add a little stock or diluted marmite for flavour. This works a treat with mine... and my OH's dad's dog, who's a border collie with a VERY sensitive tummy (he can't have any sort of complete food - even burns and all the hypo allergenics because he has an immune problem that affects his guts...). Other one that works with OH's dads dog is porridge, with water rather than milk - but this makes mine worse, unless it has meat in it! Funny things, these doglets... Hope flo feels better soon

Literally. Miss Maddie, my 8 month old stafflet, has got teenage seeming spots on her chin! She got the odd one since she was a pup, but all of a sudden, they're worse! Anyone had any similar experiences? Could this be a symptom of anything nasty, or are they just teenage spots? And is there anythjing I can do to improve them? They don't seem to bother her - but they aren't very pretty

WOW! I certainly didn't expect that much a response... but thank you all so much! Fantastic posts, info and, of course, the pics - lovely pulis, a whole show of staffs, window-sneaking stafflet crosses... and lots of other lovely, lovely shots.... I think - once Maddie's travel sickness is better and she's done a bit more basic training - I might (if feeling brave) give it ago. I think she'd love it - she's always really keen to learn new stuff ( we could do 'sit', 'paw', 'other paw', 'wait' and 'up' within a couple of weeks). If we do, just wait for the 'bull in a china shop' tales (nice pun) . If I know my doglet at all, I can guarantee that she'll swap between making me ever so proud and aking me want the ground to swallow me up ...

Brrilliant! I've gotta go home now, but that'll be something to look forward to tomorrow

The pointy agility thread - and all the lovely photos on it - has made me smile muchly. So I thought I'd ask if anyone has any other surprising-and-talented-agility pooches - especially bully types. I have been toying the idea of trying Maddie with it once she's over her car sickness - and wondered if it's been done before, and if so, are staffs any good! Photos and comedy naught bully stories very appreciated...

'gland' especially in the context of 'grease the stern gland' (snort, snort). It's a boat thing, and my OH has to say it at work with a completely straight face...

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone." The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says....... "Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time . . . BRING POSSEEEE!!!!"

you've been reading too much Viz quote name='JohnD' date='Jan 2 2006, 11:11 PM' post='18299'] gents...last turkey in the shop (usually used in reference to strangulation :o ) ok the coat is on, door openin lol.......... Bu that, well :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: pmsl

Thanks anna! I'd never thought of the corrie tap. Bet you nearly died when she started singing! It IS a great pub though, as long as you don't go on the Exhibition! I can't wait till the summer! Maddie only arrived in late summer, then needed injections, so we didn't really get to do much sitting in the sun/playing on the downs/sunny putdoor pub crawls as she had to stay in her bag so as not to get parvo .... I've got another couple to add to the list: The Orchard (near Spike Island) - good for cider The Portwall Tavern (though it's not brilliant) The slightly horrid, but very entertaining Collesium. It's a rock and roll pub, that lets you sit in t's heated conservatory tent and brings yiou water if you have a doglet. Very bizarre, but I rather liked it for kitsch value... think it'd be very busy with families in the summer tho...

Thought I’d share my most favourite dog friendly pub in Bristol – it’s call the Cornubia, and quiet dogs on leads are very welcome. It’s in the center, opposite the back of the fire station, so usually fairly quiet. Whenever I take the Madster, we get a very warm welcome, a bowl of water, and lots of fuss from passing patrons. And as an added bonus, they serve the nicest HAND MADE pork pies in the world!!!! Other pubs that I’ve found that allow dogs include: The King William (Centre) The Mardyke (Hotwells) The Nova Scotia (Hotwells/Baltic Wharf) The Old Dukes (Jazz pub in centre, near the Old Vic though can get very busy, so not so good if your pooch is freaked out in public and won’t fit on your lap) The Alma Tavern (Clifton – and it does ok food!) Of course, all of the above request that your dog is quiet, well behaved and on a lead at all times. Please add on the thread with other doggie friendly pubs round Bristol & Bath – I’m always keen to hear of them ;)

Muff, bits or (in a purry, ironic tone of voice) pussaaay. Miaow...