Peachy

I probably haven't relayed things very well but Steve hasn't for one minute asked me to cancel Tunisia, I think he knows much better than that. I might feel weak at times but he knows that I'm a gutsy girl that has more about her than to just obey commands. I think that's where things started to go wrong. We both know my life is about more than it has been in recent months, his too, and we've both become too involved with our insular world. I think he's seen that I'm making plans by myself and he's seen the person that he maybe hasn't seen for a while. I've seen changes in him too. As for Egypt, and other trips, I think he's pretty keen to show me that I can be involved in his work. That's always been an issue for us. It's very difficult never being able to be part of someone's world when it's as different, extreme and interesting as his and I've always struggled with no ever being able to be part of that world. Pilots don't have office parties, nights out, drinks out with colleagues etc, so I've never been able to be part of his world. I've love to have a seat on the same plane as him and experience his working day. I'm pleased he's doing things that maybe he wouldn't have done before. Tonight will be interesting. My Mum is 60 today and I've challenged Steve to come to the party and face all of my family in one go. He's coming along. A brave move and not one that I'd want to do. I've got to respect him for that. Steve is not the centre of my universe, I am. I now know that I don't need to be with him. I can go on holiday. That's been a real tie for me but I can do it - it's not as hard as I ever made it. I can push my business to be bigger. I can get another job if I need it. I've also got a lodger who's seen one of the spare rooms and wants to rent it. I need to go to Tunisia, enjoy my friends, plan my future (but not too far ahead because I'm rubbish at planning!) and if that involves Steve then so be it. If it doesn't, then so be that instead. I can't deny that I still love him. Of course I do but it's a different love. It's not all-consuming. I have my own life and I'm starting to enjoy it. He's got to find his own life too. Only then can we enjoy any form of relationship together.

Well, much seems to be happening for me at the moment. I've had some brilliant support from my friends and have started to smile again, despite being worried about the future. I'm looking forward to getting away on Monday and know that it's a great time for me to do something for me. Then what happens? Steve turns up last night, telling me that he's made the biggest mistake of his life and asking if I'll listen to him. I'm not a nasty person so heard him out. I have to say, he did sound convincing but I'm still not sure if he's going to change his mind. I've said that I'm going to go away on Monday and it's a good time for us both to do some thinking. He's agreed. He's already planning future holidays for us, including booking me onto his next Egypt trip at the end of August, so I get the impression that he's serious but I'm not going to be sucked in that easily. There's so much more to work out but I did see sparks of him being my best friend again which was so nice as it's been months since I've seen that in him. For now, bring on Tunisia!

Thank you to you all for being here. I'm going to look up EMF now. I've just been to see a friend of mine who is back from Tunisia. She moved over there two years ago and has just come back to see her parents. I'm going back to Tunisia with her on 3 August. I need to get away.

I hate to admit this but I'm going downhill really quickly Every time I think I can hold it together for a short while, I fall to pieces again. I can't be alone, I need constant company but crave no company other than Steve's. I can't do this. I just can't understand why he won't try to work through things.

Believe me, I'm still all over the place so I'm no expert that's for sure, but I'm here for you just as much as everyone else is here for us and each other. There are people you can turn to, even if you don't feel you can. PM me if you want to chat

Well, since Steve and I got back from Bournemouth, he tried calling me just a few hours after dropping me off but I didn't answer. Then yesterday he started messaging me on Facebook, just to say hi and have a friendly chat. I asked him to meet me but he wouldn't without me telling him what for then said he was busy. I just turned up at his Dad's house and apologised for disturbing him...watching Sky Travel I told him I was going to say one of two things but hadn't decided which one. He was in a nice comfort zone of thinking we were best friends and he still depended on me. After a short while of talking, explaining how my life is going to move on FOR ME, I said that I didn't think we could be friends and that I wanted all contact to stop. He was shocked and really upset. He asked what the other thing I was considering saying so I told him....marry me. He didn't expect it at all and it really hit him for six. I told him it wasn't an option now and that I didn't think he was the right person for me. I left pretty much straight away, all bouncy and confident. He was really shaken but I walked away anyway. Now it's a case of playing the long game. Will he want it enough to contact me and fight for the relationship or will I never hear from him again? He's working for three solid days from now until the early hours of Monday morning but after that he's off work until the following weekend and he'll have lots of time to think, get lonely, hopefully miss me. In the meantime, my friend Emily has invited me out on Saturday night for a few drinks with her and a couple of others. I'm so scared and don't really want to go but know I really should

I've just listed a room in my house on Easy Room Mate. Thanks for suggesting it Wendy. I've no idea if it's right or wrong for me but if I don't try it then I won't know, will I.

Hello?

I did something really stupid yesterday evening. I rang Steve and asked him if he wanted to go to Bournemouth, have a giggle like we used to, stay in a hotel and drive back today. He was surprised I asked and then agreed. We went to a lovely restaurant that holds a lot of sentimental value to us both. Everything just clicked and we both realised how special it was. Then I pushed Steve too far when I was chatting in the early hours of this morning and he said he can't commit to anything, still thinks it's over and that he's scared. We then said how we both felt, quite honestly, and described how good and bad we made each other feel. We walked along the beach holding hands and agreed that we'd be best friends and always love one another. We both feel so strongly for each other. I know I've struck a chord with him but how he'll react when he's doing too much thinking is something I don't know. I know I've made him think but when we went separate ways this morning, we hugged and said what will be, will be. I have no idea when I'll hear from him again, if I ever will. I MUST stay strong and not call him. I'm so scared the next time I hear from him will be to say he wants to collect the final things from the house. My Dad is on his way round now to give me a much needed hug. All of my emotions have come out. Again.

I'm having another black moment. Today feels hard again. I went out last night with my friend, Emily, and we visited an old work colleague who is wise but outlandish. We all used to work together, Steve included. My old wise friend's advice was that if I love him, believe in the relationship, then just propose Steve has been going on and on about getting married and having a family, even in recent weeks, but I've always said I wouldn't get married again. What a lie, I would if he still wanted me. I was always just too lazy to think about the paperwork for a divorce from my ex and it's years and years overdue. I think I was always worried that one of us would feel trapped too, like I did when I was married. A small, quite small in fact, part of me thinks the advice should be taken and I can't lose anything but the major part of me thinks he'd run a mile if he thinks I'm trying to push him into something so concrete. I sat up chatting with Emily until 1am and slept until 4am. She happened to be having an hypo just as I woke up so we sat in the same bed and chatting for a couple of hours. Then she had to leave quickly because her girlfriend has been very ill, had a bad night and has to get tested for swine flu straight away I think that, possibly due to my lack of sleep, I'm even more confused today about my Dad talking to Steve. When he left yesterday, we'd agreed to go away next week, to have some fun and not to think about the future, just today. He's supposed to be coming back tonight for a chat, whatever I suppose. Nothing heavy. I'm worried that if he meets my Dad before coming over then he won't come and will back out of the break away next week. I'm worried that my Dad will make him visit places in his heart and head that he'd rather run from. It might be for the best though. On the flipside, if I can keep it light hearted and fun, not heavy duty chats about the past, then we might be able to rekindle some of the fantastic times we had which will help him see there's still something there. I'm scared he'll have the control though and I'll be doing too much boinging around to look fun and cheerful. I am normally like that, honest, but I just don't feel like it right now. God, I'm so absolutely confused. I think the thread needs a voting poll. My Dad to meet Steve or not? I'm sorry for the constant outpouring of emotion. I know I think about things far too much but it feels hard to do much else at the moment when I'm left with one huge question...why? Thanks for listening

I reversed my car into a bollard when I went to Citizens Advice They can't see me until Wednesday morning. Seeing Steve was tough. I'd written down a few feelings and thoughts but kept the letter to see if it was appropriate to give to him. It wasn't laden with hurt and emotion, more pragmatic and saying how I felt that things were stagnant in retrospect and about how I felt the need to make some changes in my life for me. It appealed for him to say now if he felt there was any doubt in his mind about walking away. I didn't give it to him because we still had an instant connection and a spark. We discussed going away for a few days next week, no strings and no commitment to anything other than having a good time. He's worried that it'll change his mind about starting a new life (seems hung up on having made up his mind and no way back etc) but I've told him that it's about time that he stopped considering the future so much and that fun is very much overdue. He's agreed and was shocked when I said we could go tomorrow if he wanted to! I feel terribly tied down and need to do more with my own life. I'd love for that to be with him but right now it doesn't look likely but I'm curious to see if he'll go through with going away or if he'll run a mile when he's thought too much about things. He ties himself up in knots about the 'what ifs' in life which I think has lead to much of this happening so suddenly. I'm sure it might not be the best decision to go away but part of me wants to have a blummin good holiday. Why not with Steve? We can still make each other laugh and we both know we've neglected enjoying life. Emily will be here soon and is VERY good at giving me a reality check and she's seen me go through this sort of thing before so she'll soon tell me how things really are! Oh, and he's agreed to leave the standing order in place for three months so, for now, that's a huge relief. Right now, the black clouds have cleared a little bit but I'm very conscious that I might be desperately hoping for a reconcilation but I really do know, and told Steve, that I wouldn't turn the clock back a week. Things need to be different for both of us. Whether together or apart. I really don't want to think long term and my only concern is that he'll be trying to map out his future and make all the decisions now, like he always did.

Thank you for all the replies and lovely messages. I promise I'll reply to the PMs but I'm feeling really raw at the moment and I'm trying not to spend time online because I know I'll be tempted to stare at Steve's work roster or start emailing him. I went through my finances with my Dad yesterday. He's told me that I must get myself along to Citizens Advice this morning to see if I'm entitled to any help in the short term. Also, he's suggested that I take Steve up on his offer to help me financially - if it still stands. I don't think Steve was thinking that he should continue to pay all the bills but my Dad has insisted that that would be the fair and honourable thing for him to do for up to three months. I already had the house before I met Steve so he's not obliged to pay for anything. Oddly enough, Steve rang me last night. He had literally just left work and always used to ring on his way home. Looks like he can't break his routine. He sounded quite down and subdued so I naturally said I was sad it was over but had realised I'd be ok. So far from the truth but some bawling down the phone isn't very attractive, is it. I told him about all the things I had plans to do and how I'd been gradually thinking about making a different life for myself because he made me realise that I wasn't actually happy either. More fibs on my part but I do realise that I was lonely and dependent. He was definitely knocked for six and said he'd been looking at houses nearer to where he works but he doesn't want to view any yet because he doesn't know what he wants. Then he went on to say he can't stay at his Dads because he hates it so much and is worried about the future. My Dad rang Steve yesterday morning and asked if he could meet him so they could have a chat about things and to understand things a bit clearer. To my absolute surprise, Steve agreed and they're meeting later today. In the meantime, Steve's coming here at 2.30 today to pick up some things. The biggest part of me wants to believe that Steve was having a 'man moment', panicked and ran instead of confronting things. Maybe he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. I so desperately want it to be retrievable and I know we'd both have to do things differently. On the other hand, I'm terrified and sure he's so undecided about what he wants from life that he'll walk away to find a new life that seems right to him even though he doesn't know what that is. My two friends who I thought didn't care about me have been wonderful. The one that was in labour when she rang me on Saturday spent yesterday supporting me by text and the other friend has been on the phone lots and is coming here later today to stay the night. I've spent the weekend with either my parents or my brother and sister in law to keep busy. My nearly-three year old niece adored Steve and he felt the same. She made a picture for him yesterday and I've got that to give to him today. She nearly broke my heart all over again. Today feels more scary because just about everyone else goes to work and I'm scratching around trying to find things to do. I haven't cried yet today but I still can't eat a thing. I last ate on Thursday lunchtime. I have no appetite at all. I'm sure I'll be back later in absolute pieces again after seeing Steve later.

I'm in a state. My relationship of six years has just ended and I really didn't see it coming. On Friday night, Steve said that he didn't thought he might want other things from life and said that he feels that the dogs are a real tie for him. He changed his mind back and forth a few times about us trying to make some changes but finally, in the early hours of Saturday morning, said that he didn't think he felt the same and he left. My world came tumbling down. I can't make sense of it and I'm desperate for advice. I don't have many friends that I keep in touch with because Steve, without meaning any malice, told me that the two who I was closest to were unreliable and just using me. To be fair, I was upset at them constantly letting me down. He told me to just forget about them so I then stopped contacting them. They didn't contact me either. Yesterday, I sent them both a text to say I needed them. One was in labour in hospital but rang me to give me some support. The other rang me to say she'd be here in an hour if I needed her. I don't work. I gave up my job over a year ago because Steve's job meant he was away irregular hours so we decided that it would mean we saw more of each other if I didn't work. Recently, I've started a small business with my sister in law but it's pocket money and won't even cover half the mortgage payment on my house. I've got no confidence and can't even bear to apply myself to the business because Steve was such a huge part of it. I'm so scared. I'm desperately lonely. I hate the sound of silence in my house. I hate it being sunny outside because we would've been out enjoying it but instead I'm sat here by myself wondering where life is going to take me. I thought we were soulmates, we made so many promises to each other and got through some really tough times that came about from outside influences. I got bullied at work and Steve had to spend over three months in America to train for his job. We were ridiculously happy and head over heels in love. Now it's all gone and I wish I knew why. I'm so sorry for the long post and the self pity but I'd love to hear from anyone who feels they can give me some words of wisdom. I know all the clichés about it getting better with time but right now that's not real to me. Steve's not coming back, he's really really not. His mind is absolute. I'm 34, it's not as if I haven't been hurt before but this relationship was different and really was supposed to be forever. Please help me

Reggie Roo 09/07/96 - 02/09/07 Will never stop missing you Birthdays aren't the same without you shredding the wrapping paper

I wonder if the dog has been registered lost with Doglost? It will definitely be worth contacting them so you can register her as found in case someone is looking for her.

Oh Jules Very good thoughts on this thread already and I can't add anything more sensible than the comments I've read.

I had the reply above and now I've just had this - Hi Kelly, Thank you for drawing this to our attention. I would like to point out that VetNI is the secretariat for the profession and does not employ any veterinary surgeons, however Bruce’s case has been brought to the attention of the veterinary associations in Northern Ireland. VetNI does not offer comment on specific cases particularly if they are still under consideration by the courts, and cannot speak on behalf of every individual vet in the province, however most practitioners in Northern Ireland would be supportive of the BVA policy (http://www.bva.co.uk/public/documents/ps_dangerous_dogs.pdf) which endorses the Government’s aim of protecting the public from dog attacks whilst opposing any proposals which single out particular breeds of dogs rather than targeting individual aggressive dogs. Kind Regards, Jo Gibson Secretary General, VetNI

Lots of good thoughts for Sid

Blimey, after all that time, you don't hang around do you! Congratulations!!

All emails sent to those recommended on here and on the Facebook group.

What a brilliant weekend! Even though we were only a day trippers yesterday, we had a great time. I took Pixie, Alfie and Ronnie up there for the afternoon then went home and went back for the BBQ with just Alfie. Pixie and Ronnie were shattered and I've hardly had a peep out of them today. Alfie was good as gold (for a change) and looked really relaxed at the BBQ. I'm really proud of him and he seemed to really enjoy all the goings-on. Huge thanks to Lyndsey, as Regional Co-ordinator for the area, for all of her hard work in the organising of the weekend, including the running of the agility and supply of the equipment, and the organising of the Bring and Buy Sale. Thank you also to everyone who took items for the Sale and to Georgina for the sale of her chooky eggs. From the Bring and Buy Sale and Agility alone, we raised £118.86 which is a fantastic amount of money and everyone is absolutely delighted!!

Have emailed you Laura

We're looking for someone to run a stall at the All Dogs Matter Show on Saturday 8 August. Midday - 4pm The Garden and Gate Pub 14 South End Green Road NW3 2QE It's right next to Hampstead Heath. Is anyone close to the area and able to help out?

I saw Wiggle today and I'm already very very excited about seeing the waggy tailed boy again next weekend. And Sir H :wub: I do love those two

So sorry to hear your very sad news Run free Caffrey