Jemimap

www.rotten.com This has the grossest pics ever - be warned

I bought a "plasterers bath" last year, can't be burst by claws and you can get more water in it than a clam. Cost me about £15 from a builders merchants. Dylan loves it HTH

A guy sees a sign in front of a house in Luton: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Sure do." the dog replies. "So, what's your story?" The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the MI5 about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running." "The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." "I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten quid." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" "'Cos he's a fu*king liar. He's never done any of that stuff"

I will be leaving work soon so cannot get onto Refuge until Monday morning. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend Sam x

Eventually found them in a filing cabinet they now know not to come between a woman and her crisps They were yummy and now i have a big buddha belly Edited for spelling

Someone has stolen my packet of crisps and no one will own up!! Congraulations on the job Jacky

That made me laugh. When i read the offer i thought *aww that's really nice they must be really good friends*

Keep trying to catch up but annoying boss would actually like me to work whilst here So and to all that need. I am very bored this afternoon and have eaten 2 very large scones, a packet of giant parma violets and a creme egg and 2 pieces of nicotine gum. Shoudl just havea fag then wouldn't have eaten all that!

I have just had lovely cup of coffee and 3 creme eggs You can have my piece of flapjack if you like, not sutre i can squeeze it in now!

He's ok someof the time but he's very old school in his management so he hates the fact that i say what i think and stand up to him. I am very tempted to but i shall have to bide my time and find something else Have just eaten a 250g packet of chocolate digestives and feel MUCH better for it. I can highly recommend

Hello everyone and to all that need them. I've had an awful day and cannot wait to get home and go out to play in the snow again! Had a massive row with my boss who was speaking to me like i was a very stupid 2 year old and when i told him not to speak to me like that he jumped out of his chair and walked round to my desk and tried to pull my chair from under me!!!! Saying "We'll swap then you do my job if your so clever" Hate him, hate him, hate him

to everyone who needs them, especially Clare - i have been electrecuted a few times (you'd think i'd learn) and it makes your arm ache for ages! i have spent most of this morning trying to find out how to get 2 adults and 5 kids from Leeds to Crufts on Saturday as my horrible horrible boss has just told me i cannot borrow his car - when he told me 2 months ago i could

Chasta, that made me laugh out loud!! The entire office thinks i'm crazy as it was particularly quiet at the time.

to everybody who needs them - tried to remember all but couldn't. Have just walked all the way to the supermarket and back to buy all the stuff to cook my friend dinner and found out she cannot make it tonight!! Chicken casserole for Dylan and me tonight then - at least he'll be happy!

Delia's Way DELIA'S WAY Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips THE REAL WOMAN'S WAY Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. DELIA'S WAY To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. THE REAL WOMAN'S WAY Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year. DELIA'S WAY When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake. THE REAL WOMAN'S WAY Tesco's sell cakes. They even do decorated versions. DELIA'S WAY If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice. THE REAL WOMAN'S WAY If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough sh*t. Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: "I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes." DELIA'S WAY Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. THE REAL WOMAN'S WAY It could keep forever. Who eats it? DELIA'S WAY Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before baking to yield beautiful glossy finish. THE REAL WOMAN'S WAY Sainsbury's frozen pie directions do not include brushing any egg white over the crust so I don't do that. DELIA'S WAY Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. THE REAL WOMAN'S WAY Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka. Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but who gives a sh*t? DELIA'S WAY If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy. THE REAL WOMAN'S WAY Why do I have a man? And finally the most important tip: DELIA'S WAY Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. THE REAL WOMAN'S WAY Leftover wine? - Hello!!

Thats what i was trying to say i'm just not very eloquent (sp?)

some of you are saying others should be more understanding and the kid may be having an off day but why should we be understanding?? I may have saved up to eat that meal or it may have been the first chance to go out in a while or a celebration etc. Why should it be ruined by kids? If i choose not to have kids because i don't really like them why should i have to be understanding about them disrupting and ruining my meal? Bring on the seperate areas i don't have to see them and the poor sods don't have to see me

I'm Sam, 28 and i live in Leeds with: Rhodesian Ridgeback, Dylan 2 years old who is the love of my life and best friend Moggy, Oliver 6 years old who tolerates Dylan and I cos he likes the food! No Kids (although always have a gardenful of local kids who come to play with Dylan) No OH as can't find one who can cope with Dyl and Oliver Working my way up so i can earn lots of money and work from home which means i will be able to live in the middle of nowhere