T'was The Night Before Christmas

[boosboss]

'Twas the night before Christmas and all round the town

Nothing was stirring it had all been locked down

Folks were a bed and children were snoring

Dreaming of Santa and gifts in the morning

 

But trudging the streets in the dark of the night

Was a PCSO with a face such a fright

For he'd targets to meet and his bonus in doubt

He had tickets to issue and no-one about.

 

But what should he see descend from the sky

But a sleigh and a fat jolly red-suited guy

Who climbed down from the sleigh and hoisted his sack

Then suddenly felt a great tap on his back

 

"I saw no lights when you came down to land"

Said the man in the cap with a book in his hand

"It's a £50 fine" and tore a page from his book

And handed it over for Santa to look.

 

"But I've done this for years, since before you were born",

In the blink of an eye another ticket was torn

"What's this" said Santa trying to make sense.

"It's £100 fine for a repeat offence"

 

"Show me your license for this flying zoo

MOT, insurance and your log book too"

Santa was aghast and was looking forlorn

From the pretend cop's book further tickets were torn.

 

He strode round the sleigh to look for a fault

And got Rudolph antler's in a rectal assault

He gave Santa a ticket in pain and in shock

For the use of a horn after 11 o'clock.

 

"Where are you from and what's in the sack?"

Said the man in a tone that made Santa step back

"With presents for all from the North Pole I flew"

"So, Illegal immigrant and a smuggler too?"

 

Santa staggered a bit for his sack was quite heavy

PCSO sniffed loud. "Have you been on the bevy?"

"The odd sherry or wine as I dash to and fro"

As PCSO pulled something out and said "Blow"

 

The machine went beep and the man's grin grew large

"You are over the limit; a serious charge

Drinking and flying simply don't mix.

Oh dear, my fat friend you're in quite a fix."

 

"But they leave me a drink when I sneak in their home"

With a triumphal cry the man pulled out a phone

And demanded a van in a voice oh so strict

"House breaking's illegal old chum you are nicked".

 

"But I must see to the kiddies or they'll be distraught

Who'll see to their needs if Santa is caught?

You see, I leave them a gift 'fore I sneak out their room."

"Bribing children with gifts is an attempt to groom."

 

"Pervert" he cried at the man with the red hat on

And clubbed his head twice with his side-handled baton

Santa dropped like a stone, a man barely alive

And was tasered three times until a witness arrived.

 

'Twas the night before Christmas, PCSO was in bed

Visions of bonuses danced through his head

His targets are met, a promotion to collect

Not a single thought that Christmas was wrecked

 

The reindeer put down and Santa away

And children in tears for the whole Christmas day.

But he was quite happy, he thought it quite funny

Only 4 months to go 'til he nicks the Easter Bunny.

[kathy40uk]

Ha ha ha

 

<<am copying this to give to the PCSOs that visit us every day at the hostel, they will think it's hillarious

[Kats inc]

Yes I've copied that too so I can send it to the lot I work with

 

Cheers Joe.

[Pendlewitch]

Brilliant!